The Clothes Make The Spirit
by Amarin Rose
Summary: Pairings: R-B, Y-Y, M-M, Seto-Joey, Duke-Tristan, Mai-Tea, Mokuba-Serenity, Weevil-Rex, Isis-Shadi Summary: The gift that keeps on annoying: really funny T-shirt slogans that have been Egyptianized, and cause some -- okay, a lot -- of trouble.
1. Unwanted Gifts

**Unwanted Gifts**

****

* * *

"'I might look cute but I'm really a psycho killer with issues,'" Bakura said. 

Ryou snickered.

Glaring at his hikari, Bakura clenched the T-shirt he'd been reading from in his fists as he said, "This isn't funny, Ryou. I was a **thief**, not an assassin."

"It's still rather humorous, though, yami." Ryou did not look one bit remorseful for his amusement at the situation.

"It's a gag gift, Bakura," Yugi explained. "Though I admit it wasn't in very good taste." Yugi shot his yami a glare.

Yami shrugged nonchalantly. "Just payback for the shirt he gave **me**, aibou."

Bakura smirked.

Comprehension dawned on Yugi's face and he nodded reluctantly.

Ryou looked confused. "When was this? And what did it say?"

"Well, Ryou, you were the one who mentioned that no one got anything for the Pharaoh on Yugi's birthday – so the next week I went out and got him a little something." If anything, Bakura's smirk grew wider.

Yami huffed. "You **stole** it, most likely."

"So what if I did?" Bakura asked, not seeming phased at all. "And actually, no, I didn't. I had to get someone to change the wording, so I actually had to pay for it."

"With stolen money, no doubt," Yami insisted.

"But what did it **say**?" Ryou demanded.

Yami's glower intensified.

Bakura cleared his throat and recited, "'Ra put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of tasks. Right now I am so far behind, I shall never enter the afterlife.'"

Ryou blinked. "That was actually kind of amusing. I think the one Yami gave you was more insulting, 'Kura."

Yami growled. "It **still** wasn't funny, tomb-robber."

Bakura shrugged and flopped down on the couch. "You couldn't honestly expect me to get you a **real** gift. Besides – I was the only one who got you anything. The twerp just shared his gifts with you. That shirt was **all** yours."

Ryou sighed and gave Yami an apologetic look. "He has a point. Besides, that shirt–" he pointed at the piece of clothing still clutched tightly in Bakura's fists "–was more degrading than anything else. He **wasn't** an assassin. And he's **not** psychotic. The one 'Kura gave you wasn't even slightly insulting."

Yugi looked slightly uncomfortable, but said, "I agree. You went a little far this time, Yami."

Yami looked taken aback. "He has tried to **kill** us several times, aibou!"

"Not lately!" Ryou interjected. "We've sort of been at peace since the whole Egypt thing. He hasn't even threatened you all that often."

"That's because we don't **see** them all that often, hikari," Bakura pointed out. "If we did, then I'd threaten them more. Just for form's sake, you understand." He smirked.

"Which brings up another question," Yugi said. "Where have you guys been, anyway? I rarely even see Ryou outside of class at school anymore."

Ryou shifted uncomfortably in his seat and Bakura smirked.

"Ah, well…" Ryou started. "Um…Bakura and I are sort of…uh…"

"We're fucking like bunnies," the tomb robber announced, a leer on his lips. "And I keep dragging him out of class to have sex in the empty classrooms."

Ryou blushed crimson.

Yugi looked a little off-kilter, but said weakly, "Well, I'm happy for you two."

Yami, however, looked aghast. "Oh, Ra," he said, horror-struck. "I can't believe I actually have something in common with that **tomb-robber**!"

Comprehension flooding his face, Ryou looked at Yugi and said, "So **that's **why you've been wearing that neck belt so often lately. I **knew** that was a hickey I saw on your neck the other day."

Yugi blushed.


	2. Calming

**Calming**

* * *

Twitch.  
  
Twitch. Twitch.

"What does it say, Malik?" Marik asked. "You're getting all twitchy, like I used to when I wanted to kill someone."

Glaring at the innocent item of clothing held in his clenched hands, Malik spat out between gritted teeth, "You're not far off, Marik. I am going to **kill** Bakura."

"Bakura? Why? I thought Ryou was the one who gave you that shirt," Marik said, confused. "And what does it **say**, hikari? You know I can't read Japanese."

Growling low in his throat, Malik managed to seethe out an answer. "It says: 'My alter ego thinks you have serious mental problems'. And to answer your second and third questions, Bakura was probably the one who picked out the shirt, but he made Ryou give it to me. Which means that Bakura is the one who…"

"…thinks you have mental problems?" Marik finished.

"Yes," Malik hissed out between clenched teeth.

"But we **do**, Malik," Marik pointed out. "I'm not homicidal anymore, but you couldn't call either of us completely sane by any matter of means."

Malik let out a long breath through his nose before saying, "I know. But it's the principle of the thing. And he's one to talk!"

"**I** think he's still sore over that shirt the Pharaoh gave him," Marik said confidentially.

Raising one golden eyebrow, Malik prompted, "The Pharaoh?"

"Uh-huh. He never told me what it said, but he was furious," Marik confided. "If Ryou hadn't calmed him down he probably would have gone out and killed someone."

Frowning, Malik asked, "How did Ryou calm him down?"

A predatory grin coming over his face, Marik stalked towards his lover seductively. "Well, take off your clothes, koi, and I'll show you…"

* * *

Several hours later, Malik lay in bed next to his sleeping lover. He was sore, sticky, sweaty, exhausted, and thought he'd never be able to orgasm again in his life.

Damn, that had been fun. He supposed he wouldn't kill the tomb-robber **or** his hikari just yet. Especially if Marik would continue to 'calm' him like this.


	3. Guts As Garters

**Guts As Garters, Or Other Items Of Apparel**

* * *

"'I don't have an attitude problem; you have a perception problem.'"

Joey blinked and edged away from his lover – who was glaring with thinly-veiled hatred at the shirt in his hands. The shirt that could now be known as Ground Zero for whatever mayhem its phrasing caused. "Ah, and I perceive dat Malik is gonna get his ass kicked fer giving ya dat shirt, right?"

One eyebrow twitched. "No. I'm going to relieve him of the Millennium Rod – it's supposed to be mine by right, anyway – and then I'm going to return it. Along with this shirt he gave me."

Joey scratched his head. "Hey, why ya wanna take it just ta give it back, Seto?"

A murderous grin crossed the CEO's face. "Because I'm going to return it by way of shoving it up his **ass**, Puppy."

Said canine gulped. "Er, but wouldn't dat make kinda a mess, Seto? And, ano, it might **kill** Malik."

Dropping the T-shirt back into the box it had arrived in, Seto stared at it with disdain as he asked, "And why should I care? One less psycho in the world."

"Well, normally I'd agree wit' ya, but Marik loves him, and is twice as crazy as Malik. He'd have your guts fer jewelry."

Snorting, Seto dropped down into a chair. "I think the phrase you're looking for is 'guts for garters."

Completely serious, Joey shook his head. "Nah, I mean jewelry. Haven't ya evah seen all dem golden bangles dose two wear? And besides, Duke's da one who likes ta cross-dress."

Seto blinked. Devlin…in a dress? A maniacal grin stretched across his face. "That gives me an idea for the next victim of this little T-shirt chain-letter…"

Joey swallowed hard. He really should have learned by now to keep his big mouth shut…


	4. Gay Apparel

**Gay Apparel**

* * *

'Be a man, girl!'

"And you were the one who said they wouldn't make fun of me if they found out!" Duke demanded of his boyfriend.

Pursing his lips, Tristan said, "No, I said Yugi, Yami, Ryou and Joey wouldn't make fun of you. I never said anything about Bakura, Malik, Marik, or Kaiba."

"But only Yugi, Yami, Ryou, and Joey **know** about my…extracurricular activities," Duke said, discomfited. He glared at the neon pink shirt in his hands, bright purple lettering blaring its irksome message at him.

Pulling Duke up onto his lap, Tristan said, "Hey, Gorgeous, you know they wouldn't do this to ya. One of them must've let it slip out to one of the other four." He ran a soothing hand down Duke's bare back and rested it on his spandex-covered ass. He was **really** glad Duke was fond of form-fitting, revealing dresses.

"Probably Joey," Duke groused. "That mutt never can seem to shut up."

"Which means Kaiba is the one who sent you that shirt," Tristan theorized.

"I don't know what his problem is, anyway," Duke growled. "I mean, who does he think he is, impinging on my masculinity like that?"

"Well, I personally think it's a defense mechanism; he puts other people down to make himself feel superior," Tristan said smartly.

Duke huffed. "You're probably right, Tris. But what does he know? After all, only **real** men are brave enough to wear dresses," he stated haughtily.

Tristan chuckled at the faux falsetto tone Duke had affected. "Actually, I believe the only reason you're brave enough to dress in drag is because you're arrogant enough to think yourself the most gorgeous person on the face of the earth, no matter what you're wearing."

"And I'm not?" Duke asked in mock shock.

"You know you are to me, Dev," Tristan crooned, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend. "But what are you going to do about Kaiba?"

"Well, you know what they say, don't you, Tris?" Duke asked idly, twirling a lock of hair around his finger and leaning into the brunet's embrace. "Don't get mad; get even."

A wicked grin crossed Tristan's face as he came up with an idea of his own. "Oh, yeah."


	5. Computer Crank Call

**Computer Crank Call**

* * *

'Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.'

Blink. Blink.

Headshake. Glare.

"Who…?" Noah demanded, before growling and deleting the email from his virtual mailbox. He had to admit that having his own little corner of cyberspace – approved, this time, by his 'stepbrother' – was definitely better than skulking about the KaibaCorp mainframe. Especially since people came to visit him occasionally now; Mokuba was always up for a good video game and Duke dropped by occasionally to ask his advice on the coding for his newest DDM video game.

About to turn around and get back to his work (because, hey, now that he'd given up his plans to take over his father's company, he didn't really have all that much to do, so Seto had offered him the position of Vice President in charge of Corporate Computers), he was startled by that annoyingly androgynous voice that said 'You Have Mail!' alerting him to the fact that he…well…had mail.

Clicking frustratedly on the 'Open' icon, his eyes bulged as he read what was written on this missive: To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer. Or to **be** a computer.

Snarling and furiously stabbing the 'Delete' button yet **again**, he stifled a scream of outrage when the message was replaced almost immediately by another. Opening this one, he read it quickly and quit trying to quiet his screams of anger.

The note, so innocent in its pixilated simplicity, said, 'Failure is not an option! It comes bundled with the software. **Your** software.'

He had left mad behind long ago, zoomed past angry and furious all in one go, and only made a minor stop at outraged…now he arrived at his final destination, and he was positively seething. Maybe he **had** failed in his mission to take over KaibaCorp – even though everything had turned out pretty good, better than if he had succeeded, that was **still** a sore spot – but whoever this 'Cyber Commander' was, they were going to pay for rubbing his nose in it.


	6. Revenge Is A Dish Best Served

**Revenge Is A Dish Best Served With Ranch Dressing And Croutons**

****

* * *

_With apologies to the character of Garrett Miller from the animated series 'Extreme Ghostbusters' for stealing his quip to use as my title._

* * *

"Vegetarian: Native American definition for 'lousy hunter'."

It wasn't a T-shirt this time, though; it was a bumper sticker, with a little note that said he could use it on his motorcycle.

"Oh, they're just **begging** for it this time," Marik whispered as he watched his hikari's eyes go buggy. He thought it made him look cute, actually, but he wasn't quite insane enough to tell Malik that.

"Are they forgetting my Ghouls?" Malik demanded furiously. "Do they **want** me to kill them?"

"Who was it this time?" Marik asked. "I hear everybody's gotten in on this – Tristan even went after Noah."

Momentarily distracted from his righteous fury by this piece of…weird…information, Malik asked, "Huh? What for? Specifically, I mean?"

Marik snickered. "Remember, he got his body stolen and his consciousness ended up in a robotic monkey? Yugi told us about it after the whole Egypt thing when were catching up on everything that had happened."

Face scrunching up in confusion – which Marik also thought looked cute, but wouldn't say anything for the previous reason given – Malik asked, "How in Ra's name did he accomplish that? I thought Noah was trapped in a computer."

Marik shrugged. "He said something about being a 'hacker'." He pouted prettily – well, it actually looked slightly scary to anyone who mistook the lust in his eyes for insanity, but that's beside the point – and asked, "But I don't understand, hikari, what does carving people up with knives have to do with computers?"

Malik heaved a heavy sigh. He really wished Marik knew more about the modern world – and that he wasn't the one stuck teaching him. Honestly, was it his fault that Marik had first appeared when he was eight, and thus had almost no knowledge of the world beyond that point in time?

Well…yes, it was his fault, since Marik first appeared because Malik himself had gotten so angry. But, anyway, back to the matter at hand: "I'll explain later. Right now I have to think up the appropriate revenge for whoever sent this."

"When you find out who it is, can I help?" Marik asked eagerly.

Malik smirked. Two psychos were always more evil than one, after all. "Sure, 'Ri, you can help me get the stupid idiots."

"Why are you so sure they're stupid?" Marik asked. "I mean, they were smart enough not to give this to you in person, after all."

Malik huffed. "Because they didn't even bother to get their facts straight. I'm **not** a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I **hate plants**!"

Rolling his eyes, Marik just snorted. "Sure. Uh-huh…"

Malik growled.


	7. Eyes To See, Or Not, As The Case May Be

**Eyes To See…Or Not, As The Case May Be**

* * *

'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder – and I'm holding yours.'

"Croquet!" Pegasus shouted.

He heard the sound of fast-paced walking, and then a tall dark-haired man entered the room. "Yes, Master Pegasus?" his obsequious minion asked.

"Who allowed this…piece of **filth**…past my security and into the castle?" Pegasus demanded, waving the note that had accompanied the innocuous paper-wrapped parcel containing…the **shirt**.

The **shirt** which had brought up a very **painful** – both mentally and physically – fact of his existence, and which he now wanted to find the sender of.

So he could kill him, slowly and painfully.

Or maybe just dress him up in a Funny Bunny costume so he could have someone to…play…with.

"Well?" Pegasus demanded imperiously when Croquet remained ominously silent.

"I…ah, it was me, Master Pegasus," Croquet said, sweat starting to bead up on his forehead.

Pegasus hissed a sigh. "Find out who sent this…this… Just found out who sent it!" he commanded, and smiled ferally as he watched Croquet nod and scuttle away.

"It is so hard to find good help these days," he moaned, dropping back down into his chair and picking up his glass of wine. Oh, yes, Croquet was eager to please – **too** eager, sometimes – but he wasn't all that smart, and he had **no** backbone.

Pausing in mid-sip, he smiled. Croquet's subservience had given him an idea. A fiendishly clever idea of how he could exact his revenge.

He would kill the sender; Croquet could dress up in the Funny Bunny costume. The idiot would probably enjoy it…and so would he.


	8. Boys Wanna Have Fun, Too

**Boys Wanna Have Fun, Too**

* * *

_Today's slogan was brought to you by MotherCHOWGoddess, courtesy of her review of Chapter 3_

* * *

'The voice in my head thinks you're a little strange.'

Jaw tightening in anger, Yami glared down at the seemingly innocent piece of glue-backed paper. It wasn't a T-shirt this time, but a bumper sticker. Never mind the fact that he didn't have a car; the message itself was still irritating.

"Yami." Yugi scowled at him. "You're going to crack your teeth if you keep grinding them together like that."

"My teeth are fabricated from magic; I can fix them with a little time in the Shadow Realm," Yami gritted out. "What in Ra's name has Bakura started?"

"Bakura?" Yugi asked, bemused. "I think I'm missing something; I know he sent you this, but what…"

Sighing heavily, Yami hopped up to perch on the desk in front of Yugi, who was sitting in the chair. He tossed the bumper sticker away, neither knowing nor caring where it landed. "Remember that shirt he gave me for our birthday, aibou?"

Yugi nodded. "You were irritated by that, if I recall," he added dryly.

"And then I got him back by giving **him** one," Yami agreed. "And **he** got mad and had Ryou give one to Malik, who sent one to Kaiba, who sent one to Duke, which pissed off Tristan, so he went after Noah–"

"Now, wait a minute, Noah is in a computer; how could Tristan give him a T-shirt?" Yugi protested.

"It wasn't a T-shirt, it was a series of e-mails," Yami explained. "Anyway, no one knows for sure, but it's generally accepted that Noah couldn't figure out who sent those e-mails, which is why he was in a right snit for several weeks."

Nodding, Yugi said, "I remember that."

"And Bakura was feeling rather smug and full of himself because no one had come after him since I did, so he just decided to piss off someone that no one liked, which is why Pegasus ended up in the hospital," Yami continued.

Yugi winced. "The message scarred his psyche that badly?"

"No," Yami said slowly, obviously reluctant to impart his knowledge on this particular matter. "He ended up there for back strain – something about bending into positions he shouldn't be in and staying there for too long."

Both Yami and Yugi grimaced at the connotations of that piece of information.

"Anyway, so Pegasus didn't retaliate against anyone, but Duke was still mad, and while Tristan went after Noah, he got Marik and Malik again, and they sent me this," Yami finished.

A slightly awed expression flitted across Yugi's face. "Wow," he breathed. "It's like some sort of insult chain letter." He giggled. "Pretty soon everyone we know will be in on it."

His lover's words caused Yami to look thoughtful. "You know," he mused. "No one's gotten any of the girls yet."

"True," Yugi agreed. "But do we really want to drag them into this?"

Yami smirked. "Why not? You said it's just harmless fun, right?"

Yugi nodded. "Right…"

"And girls just wanna have fun – and so do I," Yami pronounced, pouncing on his lover.

Downstairs in the Game Shop, the sounds of riotous happy giggles could be heard, followed by rather lusty moans. Solomon Moto just smiled and shook his head, turning up the radio to drown out the noises coming from his grandson's bedroom. This wasn't the first Yugi and Yami's **fun** had gotten loud. And it most likely wouldn't be the last.

"Teenage hormones," Solomon sighed. "Ah, those were the days…"


	9. Zero To Sex In Point 5 Seconds

**Zero To Sex In .5 Seconds**

* * *

"'I'm bisexual. Buy me something and I'll get really sexual.'" 

To look at Mai Valentine, one wouldn't think she could growl and snarl as well as a pitbull.

Appearances were deceiving, however.

Téa giggled. 

Mai fumed. "When I get my hands on whoever–" 

"Aw, c'mon, Mai, I think it's funny," Téa protested. 

Sighing, Mai flopped down on the bed next to her friend, tossing the shirt she'd been reading off of into the corner of her room. "Yeah, me too, but it was **intended** as an insult. And it is, really; whoever sent me this has no business implying that I'm **easy**!" 

Téa's eyebrow rose and she said dryly, "You're definitely not that; I've been flirting with you for months and you haven't even noticed." 

If Mai had been an anime character, she felt sure that a giant drop of sweat would have formed beside her face; as it was, all she could manage to croak out was an inelegant, "Huh?" 

Téa's face warmed as she realized what she'd revealed, but she forged on with, "I like you; I think you're hot and I'm attracted to you. But you've been more oblivious about **me** liking **you** than Joey was about **Kaiba** liking **him**." 

Quickly gathering her scattered wits about her, Mai asked, "Why didn't you **say** anything?" 

"When?" Téa asked practically. "When you were mooning over Joey, when Joey and Kaiba got together and you were hurting over that, or when you declared that you weren't going to date for the foreseeable future because it caused too much heartache? And then there was the fact that I didn't know if you swung that way." 

"Ah…" Mai muttered. "Good point. But I'm not on the rebound now," she pointed out. "And I've never been one to discriminate on the basis of gender. The shirt is pretty much right on that count." A coy smile lurked around the edges of her lips. 

Téa echoed the blonde's happiness with her own grin. "So…you wanna?" 

"Wanna what?" Mai asked curiously. 

"Get sexual," Téa purred, leaning over until she and Mai were only a breath apart. "After all, I did buy you a frappuccino at the mall the other day. And this way the shirt could be right on both counts," she added brightly. 

Mai laughed. "True, true…but what about taking things slow?" 

"Don't you think you've been going slow for too long?" Téa asked, pouting slightly. "It's time to speed things up…just a little?" she begged.

"All right, Téa," Mai agreed in a sultry voice. "You have a point. And…I feel the need, the need…"

"…for speed," Téa finished, pressing their lips together.


	10. Payback: The Next Generation

**Payback: The Next Generation**

* * *

'Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.'

Bakura growled, ripping the bumper sticker in two and throwing the pieces on the floor.

Ryou just sighed and picked the debris up, throwing it away in the trashcan.

"Why is she going after **me**?" Bakura demanded. "The Pharaoh was the one who sent Mai that shirt."

Nodding, Ryou said, "True, but Téa was the one who sent you that sticker, and she's always been level-headed. Téa convinced Mai to strike at the source of this mess, and since they found out from Yugi that you were the one who **started** this – **and** that no one had pranked you since Yami did – they went after you."

"So what, Mai's trying to even the odds or something?" Bakura demanded. "She's definitely living down to her hair color's implied intelligence – there **is** no such thing as fair in a prank war. Don't they know that?"

"Apparently not," Ryou replied. Then, with wary dread in his voice, "So, who are **you** going to hit next?"

"Oh, no, aibou, it's **your** turn," Bakura said with relish.

"Huh?" Ryou said intelligently.

"Don't you want to strike out against all the people who are insulting me?" the yami asked, doing a pretty credible impression of innocent puppy eyes, considering that he was a malicious dark spirit. "I mean, Téa went after me to defend Mai's honor, and **Taylor** went after Noa to defend dice girl's…"

"I should never have let slip Duke's secret," Ryou moaned inaudibly.

"…don't you **love** me anymore?" Bakura finished, lip trembling in a rather cute pout.

Ryou chuckled. "Of course I do, Bakura, but I'm not really very creative at this kind of thing. Besides, she isn't insulting **me** – **you** can take care of yourself," he ended firmly.

"Oh, so as long as I'm the only one getting hammered, it's okay?" Bakura asked with interest, rummaging around in the envelope the sticker had been in.

"Pretty much," Ryou agreed cheerfully.

"Well, then, let's see what you say when you read Mai's note, shall we, hikari?" Bakura said, holding out a folded note. His grin would have frightened Marik with how wide it was; Ryou was completely unnerved, but by dint of being Bakura's lover he'd gotten used to such creepy things as par for the course.

Reaching out, Ryou accepted the slip of paper that had been tucked inside the envelope. It read: _Ryou. Bakura's cute and all, but I didn't know you were into necrophilia._

Ryou blinked and then glared to rival his yami. "Oh, they are **so** going down," he swore.

Sighing, Bakura wiped a pretend tear from his eye. "Aw, my reincarnate is all grown up and planning evil payback schemes. I'm so proud."


	11. As If!

**As If!**

* * *

'I'm clueless about everything and I'm proud of it.'

"Hmmpph!" Serenity said, miffed. Throwing the T-shirt down on her bed, she flopped down beside it, sulking.

"Well, you know, it could be worse," Mokuba pointed out from his seat in the desk chair.

"How?" Serenity asked curiously, though she still shot another glare at the shirt before turning to her sort-of boyfriend.

Hey, they were twelve; serious wasn't really in the game plan for a few more years.

"Well, most of the others got ones that were at least partly true; yours isn't," Mokuba pointed out.

She thought about that for a moment before nodding brightly. "You're right!" she said, cheered.

Smiling in response to her own grin, Mokuba hopped up from his perch and came over to sit next to her. "And, besides, now that you've been pranked, **we** can prank the others."

"'We?'" Serenity asked archly, a smile lurking around her lips.

Pretending to be abashed, Mokuba said in a faux French accent, "But of course! I have to defend mon girlfriend from those who would besmirch her lustrous reputation, no?"

Snorting, Serenity said, "Have you been reading Harlequin romances again?"

He shook his head, giggling slightly as he pulled her into the circle of his arms. "We're doing Shakespeare in Literature class."

"Oh, Mokuba, Mokuba, wherefore art thou, Mokuba?" Serenity quoted between giggles.

"Right here, Rini baby," Mokuba joked, leaning in to give her a peck on the lips…which unexpectedly turned into a full-blown French kiss, since at the moment their lips touched, her mouth was open in a laugh.

Long moments – seconds, minutes…hours? – later, they finally pulled apart for breath.

Mokuba summed the experience up in one word: "Wow."

"Ditto," Serenity agreed.

Mokuba giggled. "Clueless, huh?" he said softly, combing his fingers through her hair and nuzzling his nose against the ear he revealed from the waterfall of crimson locks.

"As if," Serenity chuckled, pulling him down for another kiss.


	12. Man's Best Friend

**Man's Best Friend**

* * *

'All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.'

Joey fumed.

"And Marik is a jackass," Seto drawled.

"Dis is all **your** fault!" Joey yelled, pointing at the bumper sticker lying so innocently on the coffee table.

Raising one brown eyebrow, Seto asked, "My fault? Bakura was the one who started this."

"If you'd nevah started all da puppy comments, Marik wouldn't have sent this ta me," Joey stated firmly.

Shrugging unconcernedly, Seto said calmly, "Maybe so, but then maybe what they would have sent in its stead would have been worse."

Joey opened his mouth to reply to that, but stopped once his boyfriend's words finally made their way through his righteous indignation to his brain. He slumped down at the counter, fight drained out of him. "Maybe yer right, Set," he agreed.

Frowning at how quickly his koi had given in, Seto said, "Just because I'm right doesn't mean you have to take that shit from them. I know **I** didn't."

"Yeah, well, I'm in no mood ta prank anyone," Joey said sulkily.

A knowing smirk coming over his lips, Seto said, "Well, how about I get you **in** the mood?"

Joey gave his lover a slow smile. "Ya gonna make me feel better?" he asked playfully.

"Mm-hm," Seto agreed, striding over to stand next to his koi.

"Do anythin' I want?" There was a heated glint in the blond's eyes.

"Within reason."

"Well then, how about ya do me on my knees?" Joey offered coyly. "Like the…**dog**…I am?"

Seto's eyes flashed. Nicknames aside, Joey really wasn't one for playing up the 'dog' angle. He normally **hated** that position. Seto, however, loved it. "You sure?"

"Sure I'm sure, Seto. After all…" Joey leaned up and stopped an inch away from the brunet's ear, whispering, "…a man's favorite position is CEO," before toppling Seto onto his back on the floor.

They'd see who'd end up on their knees.


	13. Bugged Out

**Bugged Out**

* * *

_In Shinigami's review of Chapter 7, she asked for me to go after Weevil or Rex. Well, I only went after one, but Shini-chan, they're both here._

* * *

"Welcome to Loserville, Weevil. Population, you."

Those words – said to him by one dumb blond known to his friends as Joey Wheeler – ran through Weevil Underwood's head as he read the insulting phrase on the front of the size extra-small T-shirt.

'Hatched Loser'

He knew that was a crack about his Great Moth – which **should** have hatched from its cocoon.

Instead, Yugi Moto won, electrifying his greatest insect, and making him lose the match.

And now Joey had decided to rub it in.

"Grrr," Weevil growled.

"I take it Wheeler's decided not to give up on all his grudges?" Rex asked.

"Apparently not," Weevil said tersely. Then the other's words clicked, and he frowned. "Wait? What do you mean, 'all' his grudges?"

Rex smirked. "Haven't you heard?"

"Heard what?" Weevil demanded impatiently.

Smirk widening into a full-blown grin, Rex said, "Apparently Kaiba's cracks about him being a dog are right. He's the rich guy's bitch."

Weevil huffed a laugh. "Like you're mine?" he teased.

Rex scowled. He stuck his nose up in the air and crossed his arms over his chest. "I lay down for no man," he said pompously. "Unless I want to," he added jokingly.

"Do you want to now?" Weevil asked. "I need to work off a little…stress." He leered playfully.

"Sure," Rex agreed. "But **this** time, **I'm** on the bottom."

Weevil looked disappointed, but nodded. "All right," he gave in less than gracefully.

"C'mon, Bug, take it like a man," Rex said, steering his lover towards his bedroom.

"I thought **you** wanted to 'take' it, Dinoboy," Weevil mocked, allowing himself to be towed.

"Wise ass," Rex snapped.

"Wise, is it?" Weevil asked archly. "Last night you said it was…"

"Urusai!"

Their bickering continued all down the hall and into the bedroom. It wasn't until Weevil gave Rex something better to put in his mouth besides his foot that they stopped.


	14. Sea Hunt

**Sea Hunt**

* * *

_Lene Nystrom is not intended to be an original character. Rather, she is my version of the (as far as I know) unnamed woman in Episode 68: The Legendary Fisherman – Part I (Unseen Enemy: Sea Stealth II) that runs the Ocean World Whale Show at Domino Aquarium. When she falls ill, Mako takes over for her. In the TCMTS universe, Mako stayed on after Battle City to work there part-time; thus, Lene would be his coworker. If you're wondering about her name? Nystrom is the lead singer for the band Aqua. :-)_

* * *

_The slogan is courtesy of Somnia Lustre, her review of Chapter 7_

* * *

'It's not me; it's the fish that stink!'

Mako frowned. "Hmm…very true, very true," he mused. "I do have a certain…aroma…from working at the Aquarium. But I do not think the fish **stink**. Rather, I think they smell quite good."

"To you, at least," Lene Nystrom replied. "Some of us don't like to smell like the orca's lunch."

"Then why do you work with the whales?" Mako asked curiously.

"The sacrifices we make for our life's work," she mock-sighed. "And the reason why I buy so much perfume," she added with a roll of her eyes and a smile.

"And a very pleasant scent you've chosen today, too," Mako agreed amiably.

"Shameless flatterer," Lene grumbled, but he could tell she was pleased with the compliment. "So, anyway what's with the shirt?"

Mako sighed and looked down at the shirt in his lap. "Yugi Moto told me about this – apparently a practical joke war got started between his lover and Ryou's. It soon spread to all of their friends, and I guess I was just part of the fallout."

Lene looked interested. "Are you going to join in?"

Mako thought for a moment. "No," he said finally. "I do not believe so. The shirt is rather fitting. I think I shall wear it between shows," he added, a smile on his face. "It should be good for a laugh."

"I suppose so," Lene said long-sufferingly, but there was a grin on her face. "One more question, though?"

Mako nodded. "Hm-mm?"

"Who is 'Mothra', and why were they attacking you?" Lene asked, reading from the packing label.

Stiffening as he heard the name – and instantly thought of the only person he knew who would ever choose such a pseudonym – Mako growled. "You know," he said reflectively. "I think I will join in this game… It's been a long time since I've been on a good hunt."


	15. Best Case Scenario

**Best Case Scenario**

* * *

"This is getting out of hand!"

"It is?" Yugi asked.

"Yes!" Yami roared.

Yugi blinked and backed away slightly.

Yami sighed and visibly calmed himself. "I am sorry for yelling, aibou, but things have gone too far," he said, tone measured and even.

"How so?"

"Remember when I decided the girls needed to be roped into this?" Yami asked.

Yugi nodded.

"So I sent that shirt to Mai, who went after both Bakura **and** Ryou. Ryou got pissed and went after Serenity, and as far as I know, he's not finished," Yami said fearfully. Bakura was bad enough, but to have his hikari joining him on the side of evil? It didn't bear thinking about.

"Okay, so that's slightly worrying…" Yugi said.

"Slightly!" Yami exclaimed. "No, that's not even the end of it, Yugi. Marik went after Joey, who went after Weevil Underwood, who went after Mako Tsunami."

Yugi blinked. "Who'd Mako go after?"

Yami opened his mouth to reply, then closed it when he realized he didn't have an answer. "So far, no one; and I don't think he plans to," he added thoughtfully. "At least, aside from getting Weevil back."

"So what's the problem?" Yugi asked. "I mean, granted, things are getting a little heated, but no one's gotten hurt or anything."

"Except Pegasus," Yami countered.

Yugi sighed. "I know I'm supposed to be all forgiving and shit because he was – is – insane, but I don't really care," he whined. "He trapped Grandpa, Mokuba and Seto's souls in **cards** for Kami's sake. A sprained back is the least of the things he deserves."

"I know, little one, I know," Yami said soothingly, coming over to pull Yugi into his arms. "But first it starts with someone we don't care much about, and then it snowballs until it's happening to our close friends, or even to us personally."

"I don't think things are going to get **that** bad, Yami," Yugi replied, sighing contentedly as he burrowed into Yami's side. The former-spirit was always so **warm**. Probably a product of living in Egypt in his past life.

"Neither do I, really," Yami admitted. "But even if everyone has refrained from actively hurting people physically so far – and we yamis from using Shadow Magic – I can't help but think of the worst case scenario."

"Hope for the best, plan for the worst?" Yugi quoted.

"Exactly," Yami said, punctuating his statement with a nod.

"Well, how about you try optimism for once, and think of the best case scenario right now?" Yugi suggested.

"Which is?" Yami asked curiously.

Yugi smiled seductively. "Grandpa's at a convention for the weekend, so we can be as loud as we want when we have sex. Which we can do right now, if you want," he added as a seeming afterthought.

"Screw the worst case scenario; I think I'm going to give up pessimism," Yami said, pulling him in close so he could nibble on his aibou's ear.

Yugi squealed as his yami's teeth snipped around his clavicle. "Better yet, screw **me**," he offered, receiving a sharp bite on his earlobe for his efforts.

"I think I will," Yami whispered happily, before going back to his hikari feast.


	16. Romance: Yami Style

**Romance: Yami Style**

* * *

"If this is Friday, then I must be in Gym Class – or the Shadow Realm."

Ryou thought about that for a moment before discarding it. "Not specific enough."

"My yami went to ancient Egypt and all I got was this stupid T-shirt?" was Bakura's next suggestion.

That made Ryou pause. "Hmm…no, not insulting enough. But I think I'd like that one for myself."

Bakura snorted. "How about 'Bishounen in Disguise' for Kaiba? He's of the opinion that he's perfect already."

Ryou giggled. "No, again, not very insulting. But I think we should get that one for **you**, 'Kura."

Looking affronted, Bakura said, "What? You don't think I'm gorgeously sexy? That's not what you said last night."

Blushing as he recalled exactly what his lover had done to elicit such words from him, Ryou said, "No, I do. But you're not **pretty**, or androgynous, both of which are synonymous with bishounen. You're dark and dangerous, and not at all feminine."

Bakura smiled, pleased. "Well, I suppose that it would get weird if we were **both** bishounen…and pretty looks better on you anyway."

Ryou frowned slightly in response. "Are you calling me feminine?" he asked in a low, dangerous tone.

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, hikari," Bakura rushed to reassure him. "Just that you have a much softer, cuter…deceptively innocent…appearance compared to me." He leered playfully. "And I find that **unbelievably** sexy."

"Deceptively innocent?" Ryou inquired.

"You do recall what you did to get me to do to you what I did that made you call me 'gorgeously sexy', right?" Bakura asked archly.

After puzzling through Bakura's words, Ryou blushed – again. "Hai…but you were **asking** for it!" he defended himself staunchly.

Bakura's grin was wider than the Nile itself. "I know," he said smugly.

Ryou rolled his eyes and huffed. "You're impossible!"

"Again, I know," Bakura replied. "How about 'My other Millennium Item is a hard Rod' for Marik?"

Ryou choked, not expecting so quick a return to their previous endeavors. And such a ribald suggestion, at that. "Ah…no," he said in a strangled voice. "Again, not insulting enough."

Sighing, Bakura complained, "You don't like any of my ideas."

"They're supposed to be **insulting**, yami, not just funny," Ryou reminded him. "You're good at funny; give me something insulting."

Bakura's smirk was evil. "I do whatever the voice in my head tells me to," he replied smoothly.

Ryou frowned. "No, you don't," he quipped. Then he brightened. "But maybe I could send that to Yami; Yugi's got him so whipped it's funny."

Tired of this brainstorming session – which had been going on for over an hour before **and** after he offered to help – Bakura said, "Later, aibou."

"Oh?" Ryou asked scathingly. "What, do you have something more pressing for me to attend to?"

Smirking, Bakura strode over to his hikari and pinned him against the wall. Rocking his hips into Ryou's, he purred, "Why, yes, little light…I believe I do have something more…**pressing**…than paying back the baka Pharaoh."

Stifling his moans of pleasure, Ryou bit out, "Figures sex is the only thing that could get your mind off revenge."

Bakura's eyes flashed. "It's not the sex," he stated calmly.

One snowy eyebrow rose. "Oh?" Ryou questioned disbelievingly.

"It's you," Bakura whispered softly, before crushing his lips to Ryou's.

_Damn,_ Ryou thought before his mind became a hazy swirl of lust. _Bakura picks the oddest times to get romantic._


	17. Predictions Of The Present

**Predictions Of The Present**

* * *

_The bumper sticker is courtesy of MotherCHOWGoddess's review of Chapter 7, as is Isis' line about choice. The book is courtesy of her review of Chapter 8; altered phrasing inspired by lilmatchgirl007, her review of Chapter 1._

* * *

"I see that I have become part of this…game…the others are playing," Isis stated.

"You had a vision?" Shadi asked.

Isis smirked. "No, I got a package today." She gestured to a box on her desk.

He raised an eyebrow.

"And I had a vision about receiving the package," she admitted sheepishly.

Shadi snorted. "So, what's in it?" he asked eagerly.

_He looks so like a little boy when he gets excited like this,_ Isis thought. _And the fact that his hair is covered up by the turban only adds to the effect._ Aloud, she said, "I don't know, let me open it."

Only moments later, two items sat in the middle of a pile of brown butcher paper and packing tape: a book, and a bumper sticker.

"Destiny for Dummies?" Shadi asked incredulously. The book was overly large, three inches thick, and bright yellow. Emblazoned on the cover in black lettering, it proclaimed that it could teach even the most idiotic of people how to predict the future. There was a sticker placed between the first two words with the word 'is' scrawled across it.

"Destiny **is** for Dummies," Isis corrected grimly.

But that wasn't the worst part. Oh, no.

The bumper sticker read: 'Destiny – **Your** Plans For **My** Future'.

"I gather the others are a bit tired of your predictions?" Shadi asked dryly.

Isis twitched. "Hmph!" she huffed. "It's not **my** plans – it's the way things were meant to be."

"I know," Shadi reassured her. "But in this case, at least, they are only blaming the messenger, instead of shooting you."

"Good point," Isis conceded. "But still, it's not as if I actually have any control over what I see; I don't create the visions, they just **are**."

Shadi nodded sagely. "I think most of the children want to believe that they are in control of their destinies; not the other way around."

"Well, I haven't seen anything lately," Isis told him. "So as far as the Tauk is concerned…they **are** in control of their own destinies."

"For now," Shadi qualified.

"For now," Isis agreed.

"Maybe you should tell them that," Shadi suggested.

Isis nodded. "I could do that, couldn't I? Tell them that – for the moment, at least – choice, not chance, determines their destinies."

"If only it was that way all the time – then they couldn't complain," Shadi said. "But I suppose it would make it hard to predict the future," he mused.

Isis smiled and shook her head. "Ah, my love, the best way to predict the future is to create it."

Giving her a sizzling glance, he said, "Well…how about I **create** an excuse for you to leave work early, and we can go back to your place?"

Slanting him a coy look out of the corner of her eye, she said, "Why bother? No one else stays at the Museum this late. We're the only ones here…and the couch folds out."

He smiled. _Gotta love a woman who not only **thinks** ahead, but actually **knows** what's ahead._


	18. Age Equals Wisdom And Sneakiness

**Age Equals Wisdom – And Sneakiness**

* * *

'Over the hill? What hill? I don't remember any hill.'

Solomon chuckled as he read the phrase on the coffee mug. "I was climbing sand dunes in the Sahara long before these punks were even born."

Yugi's brow furrowed. "Aren't you mad, Grandpa?" he asked.

Solomon shook his head. "No, Yugi; once you get older, things like petty grudges cease to mean much."

Yugi didn't look convinced.

Face breaking out into a sheepish smile, Solomon admitted, "Besides, I don't know who sent it and it just wouldn't feel right going after someone who's innocent."

Yugi giggled, reassured now that his grandpa wasn't prevaricating. "Okay, Grandpa; if you're sure."

Nodding, Solomon said, "I'm sure, Yugi."

"No matter how old you get, I'll always love you, Grandpa," Yugi said seriously, wrapping himself around the older man in a fierce hug.

"I know, son; I feel the same way," Solomon replied warmly, returning the hug just as fiercely.

Hearing the bell over the shop door ring, Yugi said, "I'd better go see who it is." He pulled away and tossed a last grin over his shoulder before heading out front.

After the sound of his grandson's footsteps had receded down the hall, Solomon smirked. "Age and treachery will overcome youth and skill every time," he said smugly. He would have felt guilt about lying to his grandson; but then, he wasn't going after someone 'innocent'.

Innocent of this particular crime, maybe…

Chuckling under his breath, Solomon finished addressing the envelope. "Teach him to tear up my Blue Eyes, ne?"


	19. Pot Kettle Black

**Pot. Kettle. Black.**

* * *

_Today's bumper sticker – and Seto's quip about multi-tasking – is brought to you by Lady Grey._

* * *

'Pissing Off the Entire Planet, One Person At A Time'

"I gather they're starting with you, big brother?" Mokuba smirked.

Seto glared at his brother. "Look who's talking," he snapped.

Mokuba just grinned cheekily.

"Any idea who this one's from?" Joey asked.

Examining the envelope the newest link of the insult chain had come in, Serenity said, "No clue. There's no return address, and the postmark is from right here in Domino."

"That narrows it down to…everyone," Mokuba said brightly.

Seto scowled down at the abhorrence lying so innocently on his desk – otherwise known as a bumper sticker. "This isn't fair."

Raising one blond eyebrow, Joey said, "What, you don't think it's at **all** appropriate for you?"

"Hn." Seto glowered at his koi. "Pot. Kettle. Black," he growled.

Mokuba and Serenity giggled.

Joey rolled his eyes.

Seto smirked. "See? I'm great at multi-tasking. I can talk and piss you off at the same time."

Joey growled under his breath. Reigning himself in, he heaved a sigh. "What isn't fair, Seto?" he asked, using the brunet's given name so Seto would know that he meant business.

Giving in, Seto turned his attention from infuriating his boyfriend back to the matter at hand. "I've been hit twice; you, once; Serenity, also once," Seto listed. "Mokuba hasn't been hit yet, but I'm extremely thankful for that."

"So are we," Mokuba and Serenity chimed in.

Shooting them a quelling glare, Seto said, "To continue… Yami was the one who started this whole thing, and he's only been hit once since its inception."

"Yeah, so?" Joey interrupted impatiently.

Seto shot the blond a Dragon Death Glare ™. "Yugi, however, has not been hit once," he revealed. "You and I together have been hit three times; Yami and Yugi are way behind, don't you think?"

"Well, if you look at it that way..." Mokuba started.

"Mokuba and I are also behind," Serenity finished.

Seto started. Joey smirked. The CEO chuckled ruefully.

"Pot. Kettle. Black," they chorused.


	20. So Many Frogs, So Few Pharaohs

**So Many Frogs, So Few Pharaohs**

* * *

_Reincarnation is making a comeback!_

Yugi's eyes bugged out.

_Don't make me go psycho and Mind-Crush your annoying ass._

He fumed.

_I hear voices and they don't like you._

He growled.

_Peter Pan was afraid of heights; that's why **he** never grew up. What about you?_

The phrase 'gnashing of teeth' was an understatement for the hikari's actions now.

"Aibou, why did you get four of them?" Yami asked worriedly.

"They're from different people," Yugi said, scowling.

"All of them?" Yami asked, eyebrows rising into his spiked hair.

"Hai. The first is from Isis, the second from Mokuba and Serenity, the third from Marik and Malik, and the fourth from Seto and Joey," Yugi told him.

"Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later," Yami said sympathetically.

"What?" Yugi asked, voice acidic.

"You haven't been hit once yet," Yami pointed out. "Almost everybody else has; most people have even been hit twice, like Isis, Malik and Seto."

"But you and Bakura are the ones that started this; why are the rest of us catching the fallout?" Yugi demanded.

Yami shrugged. "A Domino City effect?" he offered, eyes smiling.

Yugi huffed and rolled his eyes. "You're not a very good comedian, Yami; don't quit your day job."

"And what might my day job be, Yugi?" Yami asked interestedly.

"Spending time with me, of course," Yugi said impertinently.

"Spending time or **making** time?" Yami asked, voice a rumbling purr.

"Ecchi," Yugi chided.

Shrugging, Yami said, "A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste, little one."

"And what are you doing with yours?" Yugi inquired saucily.

"Trying to count the number of ways two people can kiss," Yami answered.

"How do I love to kiss thee? Let me count the ways…" Yugi paraphrased between giggles.

Yami smirked and pulled his lover into his arms. "How about a practical demonstration of each of them?" he asked, his ardor clear in his voice. "Just so we don't get them mixed up, of course."

Yugi grinned. "If you must," he said long-sufferingly. "But only because it's you."

"Wouldn't have it any other way," Yami whispered, before pressing their lips together gently.

One down, infinity to go.


	21. Life, Death, And Other Learning Experien...

**Life, Death, And Other Learning Experiences**

* * *

'Si hoc legere scis numium eruditionis habes.'

"I am **not**," Pegasus defended himself to the T-shirt in his hands.

"Are not what, Sir?" Kemo asked boredly.

"Overeducated," Pegasus answered distractedly. "There is no such thing as too much knowledge."

"Quite right, sir," Kemo agreed, rolling his eyes. His boss read Funny Bunny comics, after all. What knowledge could you glean from them? "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"Find out who sent me this," Pegasus ordered. "I tire of receiving these…wearable insults." He crushed the shirt in his hands into a ball and threw it to the floor.

"Yes, sir," Kemo agreed, striding briskly towards the door.

"And send Croquet in when you find him," Pegasus added.

"Yes, sir," were Kemo's parting words as he exited the room.

"Honestly," Pegasus scoffed. "'If you can read this, you're overeducated.' What's so overeducated about knowing Latin?"

"If you're not a historical scholar?" Croquet asked, coming into the room. "A lot. Latin is a dead language, after all."

Huffing, Pegasus said, "And chivalry is a dead art, but it's still practiced."

Croquet shrugged, having no idea what his boss was talking about most of the time.

"Besides, you know what they say, Croquet…" Pegasus drawled.

"No, sir, what?" Croquet asked, bewildered.

Voice low and threatening, Pegasus cackled, "Death is only the beginning."

Croquet shivered. He liked it better when Pegasus made him dress up as Funny Bunny. At least then he only feared for his dignity, not his life.

So far, anyway…


	22. Have Some Fun With The Force

**Have Some Fun With The Force**

* * *

"'Shadow Magic is like the Force; it has a Light Side, a Dark Side, and it holds the universe together. And the Dark Side always gets beaten by a bunch of mismatched heroes,'" Bakura read.

Ryou choked back a giggle, knowing that this time Yugi and Yami wouldn't be there to distract Bakura from his ire.

Bakura scowled at the oversized magnet in his hands. "That's not funny," he snarled, irascible as always. "They didn't beat me, I just decided it was more fun to annoy people for the rest of their lives than kill them and end their torment early."

"Uh-huh," Ryou grunted noncommittally. "Who sent this one? Marik and Malik?"

"I don't know, but it's not the Ishtars," Bakura replied. "This one applies to them, too; they'd never have sent it. It's kind of weird that they haven't gotten back at us yet," he added reflectively.

Ryou nodded in agreement. "So that also leaves out Yugi and Yami," he listed.

"And Mai and Téa got us last time," Bakura continued.

"Do you think Seto's finally decided to get you back?" Ryou asked.

"Possibly," Bakura allowed. "But I know he went after Yugi last time…"

"So did Isis, Mokuba and Serenity, and Marik and Malik," Ryou listed.

"He's been hit more than anyone else," Bakura chortled.

"And then Yugi went after Pegasus…" Ryou continued.

"Who has yet to get **anybody**," Bakura finished. "It probably **was** Kaiba; he still doesn't like to admit magic is real."

Ryou nodded his agreement. "So…who should we get back?" he asked, eagerly rubbing his hands together.

"Hmm…" Bakura pondered thoughtfully. "How about the make inu? And we can put Weevil Underwear's name on it." He cackled. "Talk about an opponent you can crush like a bug."

Ryou snorted delicately. "Whatever you say, yami," he agreed artlessly, a smile twitching at his lips.

Giving his hikari a sidelong glance, Bakura asked, deceptively innocently, "And if I said I wanted to bend you over the couch and fuck you until you scream, what would you say?"

His face flamed, but Ryou still managed to squeak out, "Sounds like fun. And I'm all in favor of the phrase, 'Don't be afraid of your Dark Side; have fun with it.'"

Bakura grinned wolfishly. "And you and I are going to have some **fun**, hikari."


	23. Dumb And Dumber

**Dumb And Dumber**

* * *

'I'm With Stupid.'

Joey growled.

"What's wrong, Joey?" Seto asked, coming in the bedroom door.

Shoving the T-shirt at his koi, Joey bit out, "Dere's a note in da box dat says it's fer **you** ta wear."

Scanning the three-word message on the front of the shirt and realizing the implications of the included note, Seto frowned. "Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh'," Joey snarled.

Picking up the box the shirt had come in, Seto started as he noted the return address. "But you should consider the source, Pup."

"Da source?" Joey asked.

"Weevil Underwood," Seto told him.

"Da wimpy little bug guy?" Joey asked. "I t'ought he went after Mako!"

"Apparently he decided to get you back as well," Seto said, shrugging unconcernedly. "And like I said, consider the source."

Joey blinked for a few moments, thoughts rushing. "Ah…" A sly smile crept across his face.

Seto smirked. "Exactly."

"He's even stupider dan I t'ought he was!" Joey exclaimed.

Seto just raised an eyebrow in question.

"He actually put his name and address on dere," Joey pointed out.

"Which means…" Seto prompted.

"…dat I know just where ta send da next one," Joey cackled. "You're goin' **down**, bug boy."

Seto almost felt sorry for the insect duelist. But not really.

No one was allowed to insult his puppy…but him.


	24. Good Girls Gone Bad

**Good Girls Gone Bad**

* * *

_Today's insult brought to you by Hoshi-Yuki, courtesy of her review of Chapter 8._

* * *

"'Friendship is listening, not lecturing.'"

"True, true," Mai agreed, nodding her head vigorously.

Téa made a face. "But I don't lecture."

"You do give speeches occasionally, though," Mai pointed out.

"Only to people who need them," Téa defended herself.

Mai grinned. "While I think it's admirable that you want everybody in our motley crew to get along, I don't think you'll ever get Bakura, Marik, Malik or Kaiba to be friends with everybody. I think the most you can hope for is an abiding tolerance."

Frowning, Téa flopped back on her bed, magnet emblazoned with this round's insult dropping out of her hand to get lost in the sheets. "So you're saying I should quit trying?"

Mai shrugged. "I'm saying you should be aware that no matter how much you hope you can get everybody to be best buds…well, if that were possible, we wouldn't be **in** this situation."

Tea nodded reluctantly; after all, if people were even insulting their best friends, why should she expect more from near-enemies?

"Besides, no one's tried to kill anyone else in a long time, and considering how vicious some of these insults have gotten, that's a whole **lot** of progress in some cases," Mai said.

Brightening, Téa said, "Good point."

"And I have another one," the blonde revealed.

"Oh?" Téa asked, eyebrow raised.

"Both of us have been hit – but neither of us have gone after anybody else except for getting Ryou and Bakura back." Mai grinned. "Which means that the rest of those jokers are in for a rude awakening. Once we get through with them, they won't know what hit them."

A Cheshire Cat grin crossing her face, Téa snickered. "Oh, you're bad, Mai."

Mai smirked. "Good girls are just bad girls who don't get caught."

"And neither of us plan to get caught," Téa added.


	25. Man Without Clothes, Or Shame

**Man Without Clothes – Or Shame**

* * *

'Do you have a point? Oh, wait…it's on your head.'

Tristan's eyes narrowed. "**Why** do people keep making fun of my hair?" he demanded of the coffee mug in his hand.

"Because it sticks out like a sore thumb?" Duke quipped.

Glaring at his boyfriend, Tristan said, "Not funny."

"I beg to disagree," Duke countered.

"At least my hair doesn't take an hour to style in the mornings," Tristan griped back.

"Perfection takes work," Duke said airily.

"Whereas if you just stayed naked all the time, no one would care what your hair looked like," Tristan said artlessly.

Duke's face flamed. "Ah…"

One brunet eyebrow rose. "Ah?"

Shaking himself out of his stupor, Duke said, "But if I never wore clothes, then I could never leave the house. People are funny about other people walking around outside naked, you know."

Tristan shrugged. "If you never left the house, then we could have sex more often – especially if you never wore clothes."

Duke whimpered. "You have no shame, do you?"

"None whatsoever," Tristan agreed happily.

"But we couldn't have sex **all** the time," Duke protested. "I imagine eventually we'd get tired."

"True," Tristan agreed blithely. "Occasionally, we'd have to rest – which you could also do naked," he pointed out, grinning.

Duke sighed and surrendered to the inevitable. "Do you want to go have sex right now?" he asked resignedly.

Eyes lighting up, Tristan said, "I thought you'd never ask!"

"Yeah, right," Duke mock-groused. He might wear women's clothes occasionally, but his hormones were entirely male.

And so was Tristan…


	26. Who Pranked Noah Kaiba?

**Who Pranked Noah Kaiba?**

****

* * *

_A take-off on the title of the movie 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?'_

__

* * *

'I live in my own little world. But it's okay, they know me here.'

'Or they would, if anyone else quote-unquote 'lived' here.'

Noah glared. What **was** it with these digital insults he'd been getting? And they were impossible to track, too. No one outside of himself and the other two Kaibas should be that good of a hacker.

If he didn't know better, he'd say one of his 'brothers' was behind it – or at least helping whoever was.

But unfortunately, he **did** know better.

But maybe Mokuba could help him out here.

Item one on the agenda: e-mail Mokuba and ask for his help.

Item two: track down Cyber Commander and pay him – or her – back for the first trio of insults.

Item three: find out who the hell this 'Funny Bunny' was and repeat actions of Item two.


	27. Sisters Want To Do It For Themselves

**Sisters Want To Do It For Themselves**

****

* * *

"So what's the tally?"

Unfurling the reams of computer paper his hikari had printed off, Marik scrolled down the list and read, "Ryou went after Isis, who went after Yugi's Grandpa, who went after Kaiba, who – along with Joey – went after Yugi."

Raising one eyebrow, Malik asked, "The High Priest went after the Pharaoh's light also?"

Marik nodded vigorously. "Along with Kaiba's insult, he got ours, and one from 'our' sister, **and** one from the chibi ryuu and inu all on the same day."

Malik snickered. "He's been hit more than anyone!"

"Yes, and then Kaiba went after Bakura, who went after Joey but signed the package as Weevil Underwood…" Marik went on.

"Weevil Underwear!" Malik chortled.

Marik smiled tolerantly at his hikari and continued, "And the mutt went after Téa, who went after Tristan. While that was going on, Yugi went after Pegasus, who went after Noah."

A pause of silence filled the room, before Malik said, "Oh, was that the end?"

Marik nodded slightly, a 'Duh!' expression on his face.

"So, considering all that, who should we get next?" Malik asked.

"Not Isis," Marik said firmly.

"She'd kill us," Malik agreed fervently.

"Same with Shadi," Marik added.

Malik nodded. "Sis is **very** protective of her boyfriends." He slanted a sideways look at his lover.

Marik huffed. "Well, it wasn't my fault she had the bad judgment to date Bandit Keith!"

Rolling his eyes, Malik said, "It was a blind date, and once it was over she'd have never seen him again. You didn't have to send him to the Shadow Realm!"

Marik's eyes went wide with disbelief. "He was trying to maul her!"

"He was giving her a goodnight kiss!" Malik countered.

"Which she obviously didn't want, or she wouldn't have kneed him in the groin," Marik retorted.

And that was the end of that conversation.

Malik: 0. Marik: 1.

"Besides, I only sent him there for an hour," Marik defended himself. "And if she wanted him gone, why was she so upset with what I did?"

This was one of the reasons Malik was gay: he didn't understand women. Fortunately for his life and what was left of his sanity, he **did** understand his sister. Mostly. Somewhat.

Well, he understood her better than anybody else, okay?

Marik, however, by the virtue – or vice, taking into consideration he was a dark spirit – had only been around Isis for the last year or so, and while he was protective of 'their' older sibling, didn't know her very well.

And how vindictive, vengeful, and downright bitchy she could be.

"Because," Malik said slowly, making sure his yami was paying attention to his every word before he continued. "She wanted the pleasure of terrorizing him for herself."

Marik blinked. "Oh." That, at least, was something he could understand.

Malik: 1. Marik: 1. Game ends in a tie, on account of bitchy sisters.


	28. Mokuba Kaiba, In The Library, With The C...

**Mokuba Kaiba, In The Library, With The Computer**

****

* * *

_Today's phrase is commonly attributed to Edward Flaherty._

__

* * *

'Wake up and smell the Shadow Magic, kid. Your brother is a jerk.'

'I'd tell you to get a clue, but you couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance.'

Mokuba's eyes widened, then narrowed to tiny slits. A growl escaped his lips and he glared at the piece of paper and accompanying magnet in his hands.

"Oh, boy. They **really** did it this time," Serenity said.

Crumpling the note into an infinitesimally small wad of paper, Mokuba seethed. "How…**dare** they?"

Serenity shrugged. "All's fair in love and war?" she offered lamely.

"And baby, this is both," Mokuba agreed.

Blinking, Serenity said, uncomprehending, "Both?"

Mokuba nodded. "These guys aren't just content to attack people one at a time anymore – they're going after our loved ones, too. That 'I'm With Stupid' shirt Joey got to give to my brother, whatever it was that Mai sent to Bakura and Ryou… It's an all-out family feud now."

"So we should go after pairs of people?" Serenity asked.

Mokuba nodded.

"Well, who should we get?" she asked practically. "I think almost everybody's been hit by now."

Pausing reflectively for a moment, Mokuba finally said, "Not Shadi. Or Bandit Keith."

"Or Espa Roba," Serenity put in.

"Rex Raptor hasn't been done, either," Mokuba continued.

"But except for Shadi and Rex, none of them are dating anyone," Serenity pointed out. "And I **really** don't want to get on Isis' bad side." She shuddered at the thought of what the holder of the Millennium Tauk could do when she got mad.

"Espa has four younger brothers, though," Mokuba said. "And I don't give a shit about getting on Dinoboy's bad side. Do you?" He raised an eyebrow.

A smile reminiscent of the one her brother got when he was about to pounce Seto crossed her lips. "Not at all," she said agreeably.

"Then let's get cracking!" Mokuba exclaimed.

"To the computer room?" Serenity asked, knowing that her boyfriend would most probably need to surf the 'Net for a suitable phrase.

Mokuba shook his head. "To the library," he said. "The computer in there has a faster modem."

"Let the games begin!" Serenity pronounced, and she and Mokuba exchanged wicked grins.

Rex Raptor had better watch out; that dinosaur was about to become extinct.


	29. Dino Might!

**Dino-Might!**

****

* * *

'Were you around when the dinosaurs roamed the Earth? You certainly **look** like you should have been.'

"Hey, I'm only sixteen years old!" Rex complained.

Weevil chuckled. "I think they're referring to your hairstyle, my little triceratops," he teased, flicking one of the trio of purple spikes that were his lover's bangs.

Grimacing, Rex growled, "It's not my fault my hair looks like this – and Moto's has **three** colors for Kami's sake!"

"True, true," Weevil agreed. "And Taylor's makes him look like a rhinoceros."

"Exactly," Rex said, slightly mollified. "And people should really learn to respect dinosaurs, anyway. Just because they're extinct now doesn't mean they weren't fascinating creatures."

Having heard this rant before – and having delivered an equal number on the wonders of bugs in return – Weevil decided to head his lover off at the pass with a question. "So, who are you going to get in return?" he asked.

"I don't know. I'd **like** to get whoever sent me this, but there's no return address," Rex said, examining the package the magnet had come in.

"Well, why don't you just go after someone who really ticks you off?" Weevil offered.

"Lots of people tick me off, Weevil; hell, **you** tick me off occasionally," Rex groused.

"Go after someone who's not smart enough to get back at you, then," Weevil said testily.

Brown eyes widening, Rex purred, "I know **just** the baka…"

Weevil grinned evilly. Payback was **so** much fun.


	30. Stupid Is As Stupid Does

**Stupid Is As Stupid Does**

* * *

'Body By Nautilus, Brain By Nintendo.'

Bandit Keith Howard blinked. "What in the hell?" he asked dumbly.

After thinking – or whatever he did that passed for it – for a minute, he finally glared at the bumper sticker in his hand. "I use a Bowflex, you stupid thing!"

As if the paper could understand him.

Albert Einstein once said: "Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them."

And idiots – like Keith and myriads of other people in this world – create them.

Growling, Keith ripped the sticky-backed piece of paper into half a dozen pieces and stomped on them a few times for good measure.

This, of course, only made a bigger mess of them.

Finally expending the last of his energy, Keith dropped down onto a nearby chair to contemplate his next move.

He'd be awhile, since so far he hadn't checked the return address on the package. Not that he would have been smart enough to figure out who 'Jurassic Parks' was.


	31. Tee Shirts Of Friendship, Or Not

**T-Shirts Of Friendship – Or Not**

* * *

'The fact that nobody understands you doesn't make you a genius.'

"But the fact that my IQ is off the scale does, right, Teddy?" Rebecca asked her bear.

One of her hands made the stuffed bear nod in response. "Right," she agreed for it.

"Now…" she continued, picking up the size extra-small T-shirt. "Who in their right mind would send me something like…**this**?!" she screeched.

She looked to her bear and tilted her head to the side as if listening to something only she could hear – namely 'Teddy's' response. "Ah, you're right, Teddy. Only someone **not** in their right mind would send me something like this."

"But who could it be?" she asked, scanning the lines of neatly-printed kanji on the brown paper packaging that the shirt had come in.

It only said, 'From: A Friend.'

But the only real friend she had – other than Teddy, anyway – was Yugi Moto.

And **he** wouldn't do something like this.

Would he?


	32. Yamis, Psychos, And Other Assorted Freak...

**Yamis, Psychos, And Other Assorted Freaks**

****

* * *

_Today's slogan is brought to your by shinichiri's review of Chapter 25. Also courtesy of him is Marik's 'freaky' comeback._

* * *

'Hi, my name is Marik Ishtar. If lost please return to the Psycho Ward…'

Marik glared at the shirt in his hands. "This is not funny."

Malik manfully stifled his giggles and nodded soberly. "Of course not, yami."

Malik snarled. "What, are they insinuating that I escaped from a mental ward?"

"I would presume that was their intent," Malik replied, hoping that by using more formal language his yami wouldn't understand that he was agreeing with him.

No such luck.

"How dare they?" Marik huffed.

Malik nodded, forgoing words – since they didn't seem to be working – this time for action.

"Besides, I didn't escape," Marik said.

"Oh?" Malik asked, unable to keep quiet at his lover's newest utterance. What could Marik mean?

"Yes," Marik sniffed. "They gave me a day pass."

Malik groaned. Ra, his yami had such a **freaky** sense of humor.

Marik smiled at his frazzled hikari. _A mind is a terrible thing not to mess with, _he thought cruelly.


	33. Extra Stupid Psychic

**Extra Stupid Psychic**

* * *

_As far as I know, Espa Roba's four brothers were never named. But Espa to me, sounds Greek; fitting since the Robas are a carnival family. (Lots of Gypsies are Greek, and lots of Gypsies work in carnivals.) So I've given his younger brothers names based on the letters from the Greek alphabet which correspond to R-O-B-A._

_Rho – Ronan  
__Omicron – Omian  
__Beta – Betel  
__Alpha – Aleph_

* * *

'I don't need to be psychic to know you're an idiot.'

Espa let out a gasp of shock. "How…dare they!"

"How dare who, ani-chan?" Ronan asked, sticking his head inside the room.

"I…don't know," Espa admitted, walking over to stand next to his oldest younger brother. "Whoever sent me this bumper sticker." He held out the slip of paper.

"Let me see!" Aleph cried, jumping up from the couch and abandoning the game of 'Memory' he'd been playing with Betel. Tugging the piece of sticky-backed paper from his brother's hand, he carefully read the letters printed on it out loud, sounding them out as he went. He was only six – the youngest of the five brothers – and his reading wasn't perfect.

Espa sighed and winced as his youngest brother laughed at the joke.

Betel scowled and got up from the other end of the couch, stepping carefully over the cards that had gotten scattered in Aleph's haste. "You do realize they're saying that about ani-chan, don't you?" he said to Aleph. He, at the grand age of nine, lorded his thirty-two extra months of knowledge – and the ability to read books five years too advanced for his age group – over his younger brother.

Aleph's laughter tapered off. "Oh."

"Yes, oh," Omian repeated, turning off the Gundam Wing rerun he'd been watching and leaning back against the wall next to his older two siblings. "What are you going to do, Espa?"

"I have no clue; I don't even know who sent this to me," Espa replied, huffing in frustration. He turned around to face them. "What do you guys think?"

"Maybe you should do the same," Aleph told him.

Espa raised one aquamarine eyebrow.

"Send an insult to someone else," Betel clarified, knowing what Aleph was thinking.

"Who?" Espa asked.

"There's got to be someone who's pissed you off enough to want to jerk their chain a little," Ronan pointed out. "Hell, maybe one of the people on that list sent this to you."

A wide smile came over Espa's lips.

"What are you thinking, ani-chan?" Aleph asked. He was too young to really get what was going on, but he knew that look meant that his older brother was about to cause a lot of mischief.

Which meant any trouble **he** got into would be incidental. It was **great** having older brothers.

Espa closed his eyes and made as if he was doing his psychic act. "I see…I see two duelists crying…because of the insult I'm going to send them." He grinned devilishly.

"And I see a bunch of boys who need to get ready for the six-thirty show," their mother said, startling them all. They hadn't heard her come into the room.

"Yes, mother!" all five of the Robas chorused before scattering to get ready.

"Boys," Madame Roba, carnival psychic, said. Sighing, she bent to pick up the dropped bumper sticker and loose cards. "If they'd just asked me, I could have told them it was a boy named Namu who sent it."


	34. Paradoxical Rhymes

**Paradoxical Rhymes**

****

* * *

'Two heads may be better than one, but not if both are stupid.'

Para blinked. "What this be?"

"For you or for me?" Dox asked.

"Both of us, I think," Para replied.

"I think I need a drink," Dox added, flopping down at the kitchen table.

Para nodded slowly and dropped the bumper sticker down onto the table. "A beer would be good," he agreed.

"Two would be better than good," Dox countered.

Narrowing his eyes at the not-very-good rhyme, Para sighed and capitulated. It was times like this the whole rhyming thing got on his nerves; he knew Dox liked it even less.

But it was habit. They did it as children to drive people nuts and now they had a hard time stopping.

Not that they really wanted to, but at times it would be nice to just talk without worrying about rhyming.

Grabbing two beers from the refrigerator, Para asked, "What should we do?"

"Get them back, give them an insult too?" Dox suggested, taking a long pull on his beer.

"I don't know who sent it," Para said, only thinking after the fact about how hard that might be to rhyme.

Let's not get into the time they were in the grocery store and he asked Dox if he wanted oranges

"Then we'll just get a general idiot," Dox replied, after thinking for a moment.

Para nodded. "What idiot might we get?"

"I do not know quite yet."

A flash of inspiration came to his mind. "We should make it rhyme," Para said, an evil smile crossing his face.

"Like we do, all the time?" Dox asked. He knew the rhyming drove even their closest friends crazy; imagine sending a rhyming insult to someone who didn't like them

Ah, the chaos.

"Line after line," Para confirmed.

"That sounds fine," Dox agreed.

"I'm not a poet," Para pointed out.

"And don't I know it," Dox returned.

They exchanged evil smirks. Oh, the fun they could have with this

"But this could be fun," they said in unison, the only time they allowed themselves not to rhyme.


	35. Share The Insanity

**Share The Insanity**

****

* * *

_Today's slogan – and recipient of said slogan – brought to you by lilmatchgirl007_

__

* * *

'I'm too sexy for my hair…that's why it isn't there.'

Pursing his lips, Rishid stared grimly down at the message stitched in black thread on the tan baseball cap – size extra-large – in his hands.

Marik and Malik, who were each looking at the hat over one of his shoulders, goggled.

Marik also giggled. "That's so true, Rishid!"

"It is, Master Marik?" Rishid asked, tone almost **too** pleasant.

Marik nodded vigorously, not noticing the danger he was in from his foster brother. "Uh-huh! You're **really** sexy…and it's mostly because you only have that ponytail." He giggled again and batted at the hank of hair like a cat with a mouse.

Quirking one eyebrow, Rishid stared down at Malik. "Is he for real?" the expression seemed to say.

"I'm afraid so," Malik's head-tilt and shrug replied.

"And you don't have a problem with your lover finding me attractive?" Rishid asked, voice low. Marik, attention span always short, had by now lost interest in playing with Rishid's hair and was watching television, but he had ears like a bat.

Hair like one, too, Rishid thought, but was wise enough not to say.

Malik shrugged. "Just another thing we have in common," he dismissed.

"I'm not gay, Master Malik," Rishid said in a deadly voice. "Not to mention that you're my brother. And Marik's…well, Marik."

"I know you're not gay – and that's cool," Malik said reassuringly. "Marik's always been a little weird about family relationships; you know that as well as I do. And I only said I find you attractive – not that I'm attracted **to** you. That would be just…" He shuddered. "Like if you and Isis got together."

"I think Shadi would kill me if I ever expressed such interest in our sister," Rishid said, good humor restored. He did **not** want to deal with either of the trouble twins trying to seduce him.

"True," Malik agreed. "Anyway, I respect your right to be straight. So does Marik."

Reassured, Rishid asked, "So what should I do with this…hat?"

"I think you should wear it," Marik piped up. "It might get you more dates. You haven't been laid in years, Rishid."

Hiding a smile behind his hand, Malik took in his brother's grimace and said, "Marik has a point, Rishid."

"Oh?" Rishid's voice was dangerously low, and Malik knew that if he didn't want to have to do his own laundry for the foreseeable future, he should tread carefully.

"Yes," Malik said recklessly. "Women love men with a sense of humor, after all. I think…not that I know all that much about women, but anyway…" He shook his head, getting his thoughts – and by extension, his words – back on track. "And nothing's sexier than a man who can make fun of himself, right?"

A frown coming over his face, Rishid said, "I suppose…"

"Besides, you're always complaining about how your head gets sunburned. This way, you won't have to worry about it," Malik pointed out.

"Fine," Rishid said defeatedly. "I will wear the hat, Master Malik."

"Glad that's over," Marik said. "Now that that's settled…who are we gonna get back for this?"

A calculating look came over Rishid's face. "I know just the person…"

Marik and Malik exchanged wild grins. Cool! Their madness was spreading!


	36. Don't Worry, Be Stupid!

**Don't Worry, Be Stupid!**

****

* * *

'You are not **nearly** as cool as you think you are.'

'But, then again…thinking isn't your strong suit, is it?'

"What is **with** all da dumb blond jokes?" Joey demanded. "And why isn't Mai getting any of 'em?" he added as an afterthought.

"Well, first off, Mai's only been hit once," Seto listed.

"Same with Téa," Mokuba put in.

"We should rectify that," Serenity added.

Slanting a sideways look at the younger duo, Seto pointedly cleared his throat, smirking as they both jumped, faces flushing. "As I was saying…Mai's only been hit once. Bandit Keith, however, got a 'dumb blond' one."

Joey grimaced. "Ya mean I've been hit wit' an insult similar ta Bandit 'No-Brain' Keith?"

Seto nodded once.

Sighing, Joey flopped into a chair. Staring down at the bumper sticker in his hand, he huffed. "I suppose it could be worse."

"How?" Mokuba couldn't restrain himself from asking.

Joey quirked a wry grin. "Dey could have compared me ta Pegasus."

Mokuba and Serenity snorted. Seto hid a smile behind his computer screen.

"Yeah, you're laughin' now, but soon it'll be your guys turns again," Joey cautioned.

"But since you've been hit, that means it's our turn to get someone else," Mokuba pointed out.

Serenity nodded. "Or more than one someone."

Joey tilted his head to the side in acknowledgement. "Good point. So we go after Mai next, den?"

"Why not all the girls?" Seto spoke up. "Barring Serenity, of course," he added before Mokuba could raise a protest. "As far as I know, Mai, Téa and Isis have all only been hit once each."

The four exchanged thoughtful looks. Finally Serenity said, "Let's do it!"

"Sugoi!" Mokuba exclaimed. "C'mon, I found this great website the other day. It's perfect for finding insults." He tugged his girlfriend towards his room, babbling all the while.

Noticing that nce the younger, more exuberant members of their family were out of earshot, Seto had just continued his work, Joey asked, "Ya don't t'ink we need ta brainstorm?"

Seto smiled wickedly. "Oh, I've got a few ideas…"

Joey grinned. It was great having such a smart boyfriend. He always came up with the **best** revenge.


	37. Sand, Surf, Sun, Sex

**Sand, Surf, Sun…Sex**

****

* * *

_Yugi's line about height and length is from Akuro's review of Chapter 19_

__

* * *

"So who're you going after next, hikari?" Yami asked laconically as he lounged back on the small sand dune. He and Yugi had taken the afternoon off to come down to the beach, and the former-Pharaoh was enjoying some sunbathing.

"Hmm?" Yugi replied, patting sand into place with damp hands. His sand pyramid was finished, and now he was working on a sand castle.

"Well, Joey went after Téa and Mai, who got Tristan, who went after Mokuba, who went after Rex Raptor, who went after Bandit Keith," Yami ticked off on his fingers. "You got Pegasus, who got Noah again, then you went after Rebecca, who still hasn't gotten anybody."

Yugi nodded and tried not to shudder at the thought of the little blonde bitch.

"Keith went Marik and Malik, who went after Espa, who went after the Paradox brothers," Yami continued. "They went after Rishid, who, with Marik and Malik's help, went after Joey."

Yugi nodded and mulled that over. "I think I'll go after Seto. He hasn't been hit in a while," he finally decided, adding a trio of shells to a tower of watered sand.

"Still mad about the short joke?" Yami asked knowingly.

Yugi huffed. "I'm of perfectly average height for a native Japanese. **He's** the one who's freakishly tall. Over six feet!"

"True," Yami allowed.

"And besides," Yugi said with a rakish grin, tossing sun and salt water drenched hair over one shoulder, "I use the inches where they count the most."

Cocking one raven brow, Yami gave his lover an inquiring look.

Yugi's smile widened. "What I lack in height, I make up for in…**length**." He wiggled his brows suggestively.

Extremely thankful that his hardening crotch was covered by a magazine, Yami cleared his throat. "That you do, Yugi, that you do," he agreed in a shaky voice.

Yugi giggled.


	38. Young Dogs, Old Habits

**Young Dogs, Old Habits**

****

* * *

'Men are such idiots. And you're dating their King.'

Seto and Joey released simultaneous snarls.

"Who sent dis?" Joey demanded.

"I don't know. But I think it was Yugi," Seto replied.

"Yug?" Joey asked, shocked. "But he's my best friend!"

"Your best friend who I pranked less than a week ago," Seto pointed out, staring glumly at the bumper sticker in his hand.

"What **is** it with ya and callin' him a midget?" Joey asked, slumping down in a nearby chair.

"He is extremely short," Seto replied. "Ra, **Mokuba **is two inches taller than him."

"But it's not like he can **do** anything about it," Joey said.

Seto smirked. "But he's so **cute** when he's angry," he said sweetly. "And it gets on Yami's nerves whenever someone picks on the runt."

Joey's eyes narrowed. "Like it gets on yer nerves whenever someone picks on me?" he asked, voice dangerously low.

"Ano…yes?" Seto replied carefully. Where was Joey going with this line of questioning?

And why did he get the sinking feeling that he wasn't going to like where they ended up?

"Then why can't ya keep from antagonizing Yugi?!" Joey yelled. "Ya know he isn't as innocent as he makes out – dis insult just proves it."

Seto shrugged helplessly. "Old habits die hard?" he offered lamely.

"And bad ones go screaming," Joey groaned, burying his head in his hands.


	39. Winning Isn't Everything, But Losing Suc...

**Winning Isn't Everything, But Losing Sucks**

* * *

_Today's slogan __– and recipient __–_ _brought to you by lilmatchgirl007. Additional phrasing courtesy of myself._

* * *

'If you can't beat 'em, arrange to have them beaten.'

Gansley's eyes narrowed at the next line of the computerized message on the check-in panel screen.

'But make sure not to ally yourselves with a computerized kid who'll double-cross you.'

"What is this?" Nesbitt demanded.

"I heard about this from that group of kids," Lector put in. "They were talking about it when they came in here the other day."

"And?" Crump prompted.

"They're having some sort of prank/insult war," Lector replied. "And I guess we're next up to be hit."

Johnson growled. "Why are they coming after us? Isn't our punishment bad enough already without dealing with insults?"

Crump shrugged his stunted shoulders. "I guess they don't think so."

Gansley sighed. "Every time I think things can't get worse, they do."

Nesbitt nodded, his faceplate creaking with the movement. "Last time it was the extended hours of the park – every day of the week," he agreed.

"So what are we going to do about this?" Lector asked.

"Nothing," Johnson said decisively.

"What?!" the other four members of the former Big 5 chorused.

"There's nothing we **can** do," Johnson pointed out.

At that, all their faces fell. Johnson – or as he was better known now, Judge Man – was right.

Losing sucked. Big time.

And with that, the Big 5, formerly the board of directors of KaibaCorp, now trapped forever in the bodies of their Noah's World Deck Masters – miniature metal versions of their Noah's World Deck Masters; basically chibi robots – went back to enduring the rest of the injustice they were subjected to by their former employer.

Johnson AKA Judge Man, Gansley AKA Deep Sea Warrior, Crump AKA Nightmare Penguin, Nesbitt AKA Robotic Night, Lector AKA Jinzo, far from running a multi-billion dollar company…

…were now animatronic greeters at the entrance KaibaLand.

Losing **really** sucked.


	40. Very Willing Sacrifices

**Very Willing Sacrifices**

* * *

_Ryou's first two lines are courtesy of orangeaura868, her review of Chapter 23. Bakura's little dialogue is also based on her suggestions._

_Sorry, orange-chan, but I felt this worked much better for Bakura, not Marik. Hope you enjoy it anyway. :)_

* * *

"It's the end of the world as we know it," was the first thing out of Ryou's mouth as he entered the Kame Game shop.

Yuig blinked. "Oh?"

Ryou nodded sagely, a sad expression on his face. "My alter-ego is getting bored."

Yugi froze in the midst of straightening a shelf full of puzzles. "Bored?" he asked, dread dripping from the word.

"Hai," Ryou confirmed.

"You're kidding," Yugi said, then, more firmly, he begged, "**Please **tell me you're kidding."

"Would that I were – but no," Ryou denied.

Yugi carefully lowered himself from his precarious position on top of the stepstool and made his wobbly way over to a chair. "What exactly do you mean by 'bored'?" he asked, hoping against hope it wasn't as bad as he feared.

Yeah, right. Bakura, former King of Thieves and now all-around pain in the ass equipped with a Shadow Magic-powered Millennium Item at his disposal…

Was bored.

Insert horrified screaming here.

"He's getting tired of waiting for people to prank us before going after other people," Ryou replied, taking his own seat across from his friend.

Yugi, having spent over two years dealing with the three yamis in their midst, was not about to breathe a sigh of relief.

Yet.

"Well, not everybody is waiting," Yugi pointed out. "How else do you think I ended up getting hit four times in one day?" He frowned sourly.

Ryou nodded. "Yes, I know, but I shudder to think exactly what Bakura is going to do."

"Well, isn't there anything you can do to…side track him?" Yugi asked.

A glint lit in brown eyes. Slowly a smile spread across Ryou's face. "You know, Yugi…I think there just might be…"

* * *

**That Evening**

* * *

"So, Bakura, are you still bored?" Ryou asked as he lay panting on his bed.

"Bored?" Bakura asked, a lazy smile on his face. "Of course not, hikari." He grinned lecherously. "How could I be bored with you offering me your willing body for my use – 'however I want it' was, I believe, the wording you used?" He trailed one hand suggestively over Ryou's naked, sweat-sheened body, delighting in the shiver his action brought.

Ryou blushed and nodded bashfully. "Hai," he confirmed, squirming under his yami's expert touches.

Ah, the sacrifices we make for our friends…

And what willing sacrifices they are.


	41. The Future May Not Be Sexy, But Shadi Is...

**The Future May Not Be Sexy…But Shadi Is!**

* * *

'Your future is so dull you'd need a bonfire to make it out.'

Isis pursed her lips, frowning. Rage built inside her until finally, she let out a muffled scream of frustration and tore the bumper sticker into confetti.

"Feel better?" Shadi asked, amused.

Isis blinked and looked thoughtful. "Much," she said finally.

"Good," Shadi said. "Now…exactly what are they implying by this?" he asked testily.

"That we are…'vanilla', I believe is the term, beloved," Isis said. "Or at least our sex life is."

Shadi rolled his eyes. "What, we have to get out the whips and chains in order not to be considered sexually boring?"

"Apparently," Isis agreed.

Shadi hmmphed, folding his arms across his chest. "Whatever happened to good, old-fashioned romance? Everything's all about sex, sex, sex these days."

Isis giggled. "Oh, please. This from the man who made me scream out his name five times last night? Using just his tongue?" She cocked one eyebrow suggestively.

Flushing, Shadi ducked his head before a devious smile graced his face. "It was six times," he corrected, smirking almost evilly.

Rolling her eyes, Isis said, "Fine, oh Master of Memory. What are we going to do about this?" She gestured to the confetti on the floor.

Frowning thoughtfully, Shadi said, "I'll think of something… In the meantime…"

"Yes?" Isis asked, wary of the glint in her lover's eyes.

"Want to try for seven?"

Isis smiled challengingly. "Give it your best shot, Sexy," she purred.

Shadi grinned. "Oh, I will," he said – and pounced.


	42. Three Cheers For Jeers

**Three Cheers For Jeers**

* * *

_The cheer was inspired by SugarHighNeko's review of Chapter 23._

* * *

Coming in the door after a hard day at work, Isis Ishtar got one of the biggest shocks of her life.

Almost as big as the one Malik received by seeing her there.

"Why are you in a cheerleader's uniform?" Isis demanded, trying **very** hard not to notice how the short lavender skirt accentuated his legs and made his ass stand out – in a **good** way.

He was her brother; she should **not** find him attractive. Even in the most abstract way.

Especially since Marik would kill her.

Malik blushed. "Ano…it was Marik's idea."

"Ah…" Isis nodded in understanding. 'It was Marik's idea' was an acceptable answer for everything from baking soda and vinegar water balloon bombs thrown at the other residents of their neighborhood to naked Twister matches in the living room.

Compared to some of the other things her brother's yami had come up with, dressing his koibito up like a girl was tame.

Weird – and slightly creepy, considering how attractive and **cute** Malik looked – but tame.

The aforementioned yami chose that moment to pop out from his and Malik's shared bedroom and poke his head around the entrance to the living room. "Malik! Isis!" he exclaimed happily, walking into the room proper.

"Those are our names, don't wear them out," Isis joked, leaning back against the wall tiredly.

Marik gave her a sideways look, then grinned. "You're just in time," he said, sidestepping her quip.

"For what?" she and Malik chorused in unison.

"To hear Malik's cheer, of course," Marik said in a 'Duh!' voice.

"Cheer?" Malik asked weakly. "What cheer? I thought you had me dressed like this for…" He cut himself off abruptly and flushed.

"That's for later," Marik said, pinching Malik's skirt-clad ass and grinned when his hikari yelped. "But I figured Isis could use a pick-me-up since she just got hit – again."

"You want me to do a cheer for her?" Malik asked disbelievingly.

"It's a very nice gesture, Marik, Malik…but it's really not necessary," Isis broke in, wanting to save her brother from embarrassment. _Yes, Shadi making me scream **eight** times really did make me feel **much** better. And tired, to boot._

"Yes, it is necessary," Marik said. "If only so you don't decide to go after us next." He grinned widely. "And because I want to see Malik jump around in that cute little skirt."

Malik flushed, frowned and glared at his lover.

"Ne, Malik, why don't you give Isis and me a little rousing cheer?" Marik ordered more than asked.

Sighing, Malik gave in to the inevitable. Hopefully, his sister would be kind enough never to bring this up **ever**. Picking up his pompoms, he thought for a moment for a cheer he could use, then started hopping up and down energetically, chanting in a lackluster voice. "Isis! Isis! Ra! Ra! Ra!" he exclaimed, before coming to a halt with both arms raised.

Isis snorted and tried to muffle her giggles behind her hand. It wasn't really that funny of a cheer – and her brother's performance was actually pretty decent considering it was obviously the first time he'd attempted such a stunt – but what was really getting to her was Marik.

Said yami didn't seem to realize that Malik wasn't trying very hard and seemed enraptured by his hikari's performance. He had that lustful gleam in his red eyes which normally heralded a pouncing of his unsuspecting lover and the subsequent messing up of whatever surface upon which they happened to land.

"That was a very nice cheer, Malik, thank you," Isis said.

Malik rolled his eyes, though he appeared grateful for her verbal restraint, considering the situation.

Noticing the predatory intent in Marik's gaze as he stalked towards his lover, Isis quickly vacated the living room, the sounds of lustful groans following her departure. Walking down the hall to her own bedroom, she left her brother and his yami to their carnal activities.

They had given her pause for thought, however. Who was she going to go after next? The last time she'd just given Yugi something slightly funny rather than actively trying to insult someone. But her patience was nearing an end.

These kids should **not** toy with Fate. Or her.

Noticing that a light was on in the library, she changed her course. Maybe Rishid could help her think up some ideas…


	43. Two Bitches Are Better Than One

**Two Bitches Are Better Than One**

****

* * *

"'I have PMS and a Duel Monsters deck. Any questions?'"

"Yes," Téa replied. "Why is it that I'm the one who becomes a complete bitch once a month, but you ended up with this slogan?"

Mai shrugged and dumped the never-to-be-worn T-shirt on a nearby table. "Probably because you tend to avoid people when you get like that, so the guys have never seen you act pissy." She grinned wryly. "And because I act like a bitch on a regular basis without benefit of hormonal changes as an excuse."

Téa chuckled. "So what are you saying? We're both bitches?"

Raising one eyebrow and tossing her blonde mane of curls over one shoulder, Mai drawled, "What? You think I'm wrong?"

Téa sighed. "Unfortunately…no."

"Now, hon…" Mai patted her lover's hand in mock consolation. "You say we're bitches like it's a bad thing."

"It's not?" Téa asked incredulously.

Making a disgusted sound, Mai said, "Of course not!" She grinned wickedly. "It's a perfect excuse to get all those boys back – at once."

Téa's dawning smirk was just as evil. "No need to wait till we get hit again," she agreed. "**They **obviously won't."

"Exactly," Mai said, punctuating her approval with a nod.

"Now, who are we going to start with…" Téa mused.

A glint in her violet eyes, Mai said, "Oh, I've got an idea…"


	44. Ignorance Is Bliss

**Ignorance Is Bliss – Which Is Why Bakura Is So Angry All The Time**

****

* * *

'Just when you thought the world was idiot-proof…a bigger idiot pops out of a Millennium Item.'

Ryou glared down at the hand-lettered bumper sticker in his hands, then tore it to shreds.

"Crikey! That's a mean one," Bakura said, affecting an accent that was more British than Australian.

Side-effects of living with an England-Japan transplant.

"You've been watching Steve 'Crocodile Hunter' Irwin again, haven't you, yami?" Ryou asked, one brown eye twitching. No, he didn't think Bakura was stupid – but his yami wasn't the most cerebral spirit on the block, **that** was for sure.

"Hey, it's educational," Bakura defended himself. 

"It's violent," Ryou argued.

Bakura shrugged. "All right, it's violent **and** educational." He smirked. "But mostly violent!"

Case in pointless. Pointless violence, to be precise.

"Yay, violence," Ryou said tiredly.

"Exactly," Bakura agreed happily.

Ryou scowled. "Aren't you the least bit angry about this?" he demanded. "They're insulting **you**, you know."

Bakura shrugged. "I know who sent this one, and I've already dropped off the return insult."

"You have?" Ryou asked, surprised.

Bakura nodded.

"Who was it?" Ryou asked curiously.

Bakura smirked. "Let's just say…I don't think she'll see **this** coming."


	45. Plotting In Cyberspace

**Plotting In Cyberspace **

****

* * *

_Sayings and recipient courtesy of SR, her review of Chapter 28._

__

* * *

_Every morning is the dawn of a new error._

Noah glared at the letters parading in front of his eyes. They were rainbow colored, and were doing the can-can – or maybe it was an Irish jig? No, actually, it looked more like the Macarena, as odd a thought as that was – across the e-mail's surface.

Deleting this newest insult, he made a mental note to himself to find something extremely evil to send Pegasus. With Mokuba's help he'd finally figured out the two culprits behind the first insults, and while his younger 'brother' didn't want him to really hurt Tristan – and considering what had happened to him the last time he'd ended up digitized, Noah agreed that the brunet had just cause to be angry with him – no one was all that concerned with Pegasus.

Just as he was about to go search out a good insult to see the white-haired maniac, another e-mail popped up in his inbox. Sighing, because the Subject read 'Hello, Bug' – which wasn't a spam line he'd read before, but what else could it be? – he gave in to curiosity and clicked on the 'Open' button.

Blaring at him from a grass-patterned background were the words – composed of letters in a font using ladybugs to make the letters – _Bugs are Sons of Glitches!_

Gritting his non-corporeal teeth, Noah seethed. Forget the insults – he was sure the IRS could manage to find something on old Pegsy…


	46. King Of Games, Court Jester Of Pranks

**King Of Games – Court Jester Of Pranks**

****

* * *

_Yugi's question is taken from lilmatchgirl007, her review of Chapter 28._

__

* * *

"I was wondering something," Yugi brought up.

"Hmm?" Yami asked drowsily from where he was dozing, head on Yugi's stomach. Post-coital cuddling was by far, if not the **best** part of sex, at least the second best part.

Yugi continued his absentminded action of carding his fingers through Yami's sweat-damp hair. "You're the King of Games, right?" he asked rhetorically.

Yami made a noise of assent.

"So…if this whole insult chain letter thing we have going is technically a game…does that mean you'd still win?" Yugi finally asked the question that had been on his mind for some time.

Yami froze, his normally impassive mask stricken by doubt and confusion. "Ano… I have no idea," he admitted at length.

"Marik, Malik and Bakura seem to be way ahead of the game," Yugi said cautiously. "They've hit more people than all the rest of us put together, almost."

Sighing, Yami said, "I know. They're much better at insulting people than I am."

"They **like** insulting people more than you do," Yugi corrected.

Yami groaned and rolled over to face his aibou. "And most of the insults are at my expense. I'm beginning to feel like some sort of clown on puppet strings for their amusement."

Yugi snorted at the mental image his lover's words had brought to mind. "So, my King of Games, does this make you the Court Jester of Pranks?" he asked without thinking.

Yami twitched, which was all the reaction Yugi needed to know that he was right.


	47. Diamond In The Very Rough

**Diamond In The Very Rough**

* * *

_Today's slogan – and recipient – brought to you by lilmatchgirl007_

* * *

'Filthy, stinking rich. Well, two out of three ain't bad.'

Bonz had always been able to do a pretty good impression of a corpse. He had, however, never before done an impression of Edvard Munch's 'Scream' minus the vocals.

"It's not that bad," Bandit Keith tried to console his friend. But he'd never been a very good actor – or thinker – and thus, wasn't very convincing.

At all.

Coming out of his shock, Bonz glared at the bumper sticker in his hand. "I am neither filthy nor smelly," he declared, taking hold of the strip of sticky-backed paper and ripping it in two. He gave a satisfied smile at the loud tearing sound his actions made.

"You're not?" Keith asked dumbly.

Scowling at his soon-to-be **ex**-friend, Bonz hissed through gritted teeth, "I **do** bathe everyday, as a matter of fact, Howard."

Wincing at the sound of his hated last name, Keith whined, "Well, you don't **look** it. Your skin is practically gray."

Huffing and stamping his foot, Bonz said petulantly, "It's genetics. I can't change my complexion." He made a noise of disgust and added, under his breath, "Just like you can't change the fact that you're a congenital idiot."

Having not heard his friend's catty words, Keith persisted in his valiant – but failing – efforts to cheer Bonz up. "Well, maybe we should get whoever sent this back."

Bonz's eyes lit up. Clapping Keith on the back, he enthused, "That's the smartest idea you've had all day!" He ran out of the room, going to find his computer and look up an insult.

Keith smiled for the few moments it took the insult disguised as a backhanded compliment to sink in. "Hey," he growled, stalking after his friend. He may not have been the brightest crayon in the box, but he wasn't **dense**.

Much more than a diamond, anyway.


	48. Size Only Matters If You Are A Lousy Arg...

**Size Only Matters if You Are A Lousy Arguer**

* * *

_Today's slogan is based on one by Shinichiri, his review of Chapter 25. It has been altered slightly to fit this couple. Marik's line about his libido is also courtesy of him. Have a nice reading experience._

* * *

'Shut up, voices, or I'll slice you with my Millennium Rod again.'

"What?" Marik asked, confused by the saying on the hand-lettered bumper sticker in his hand.

"I think they're referring to voices in your head, yami," Malik said tiredly.

"They're talking about you?" Marik asked dumbly.

Shaking his head at his yami's stupidity, Malik said, "No, Marik, they're talking about **crazy** voices."

Marik frowned. "But you **are** crazy, hikari."

Malik sighed. "Not **people** voices, yami."

Comprehension dawned on Marik's face. "Oh… But why would I tell it to shut up?"

Malik blinked. "Huh?"

Marik grinned. "Well, I have only one other voice in my head besides you – and that's my libido."

Malik snorted. "Never thought you could fit anything else in there that rivals yours ego in size."

"My ego, and certain…other things," Marik said with a leer, thrusting his hips towards his lover suggestively.

Malik burst out into giggles. "I think…your ego…is **definitely** the bigger of the two," he gasped out between pauses for breath.

Scowling, Marik said petulantly, "Well, you certainly weren't complaining about the size last night!"

"No, I was complaining about how that cheerleader skirt you made me wear gave me a rash," Malik countered.

Marik chuckled nervously. "Oh…right."

Malik glared.


	49. All He Had To Do Was Ask

**All He Had To Do Was Ask**

****

* * *

"'I'm really easy to get along with – once you learn to worship me like the Pharaoh I am.'"

Yugi giggled.

Yami frowned, both at the shirt in his hands and his lover. "This isn't funny, aibou."

"Yes, it is," Yugi argued.

Giving his other an inscrutable look, Yami asked, "I don't sound all high and mighty all the time, do I?" He ducked his head. "I mean, this isn't true… Is it, Yugi?"

Yugi averted his gaze. "Actually…" he said slowly. "There's maybe a grain of truth to it," he admitted reluctantly.

"Nani?!"

Yugi's words tumbled out of his mouth at a fast pace as he hurried to reassure his lover. "It's just that you like to take charge of things, even when no one really needs to be in charge," Yugi said hastily. "You don't like to let anyone else be in control and it gets a little wearing after awhile."

Yami frowned and slumped down on their bed, dropping the T-shirt on the floor and kicking it across the room. "You're talking about my rivalry with Kaiba, aren't you?" he asked grumpily.

"Yes," was Yugi's immediate answer.

An answer that had been delivered all too quickly, as far as Yami was concerned.

Narrowing his eyes at his lover, Yami asked, "Hikari…what do you **really** mean by 'I don't like to let anyone else be in control'?"

Yugi squirmed. "Nothing," he said, tone not at all convincing.

Yami's eyes narrowed even further. "Hikari…"

Yugi blushed and ducked his head. "It's just…when we're…" He let out a breath of frustration and, firming his resolve, quickly stated his case. "You almost never let me be seme, Yami. You don't like it when I'm in control."

Surprised by this revelation, Yami blinked eyes as red as his lover's face. Though he was embarrassed, it was clear Yugi felt strongly about this. Even had he not known his lover so well, Yami could have sensed his disappointment all the way from Egypt.

Reaching out one long arm, Yami pulled his lover down into his lap. He sighed and relaxed against his koi, nuzzling comfortingly at Yugi's neck. "Yugi… I didn't realize this was bothering you so much."

Yugi gave his lover a small smile. "It's not, really, I just…I wish it was easier to get you to trust me," he said in a small voice.

"Oh, aibou, I **do** trust you," Yami was quick to reassure the other. "I'm sorry that I've been taking the dominant role more than I should…I just didn't know you **wanted** to be seme more often."

"Huh?" Yugi asked, perplexed.

"Well, you never **said** anything," Yami explained, as if it was perfectly obvious.

Blinking large violet eyes, Yugi gazed at his dark, astonishment etched on his features. "You mean...if I wanted to be seme more often…all I had to do…was **ask**?"

"Exactly," Yami agreed.

Giving a whimper of disbelief, Yugi tucked his head into Yami's neck. The former Pharaoh could hear him mumbling under his breath about 'stubborn, oblivious yamis.'

Yami chuckled. He had a feeling that when Yugi had gathered his faculties once more, he'd be in for a rough ride.

And oh, how good it would be. Good enough to take his mind off this game of prank tag.

Yami grinned evilly. _For a while, anyway,_ he thought silently.


	50. Omniscience Can Be Boring

**Omniscience Can Be Boring**

****

* * *

"'I'm not opinionated, I'm just always **right**,'" Shadi read off the T-shirt in his hands.

Isis snorted. "They don't know you very well, do they?"

Shadi gave her a patently false glare. "We can't all win at Trivial Pursuit – every single time we play it," he gritted out.

She chuckled. "Yes, well, you beat me at Scrabble all the time."

He pursed his lips thoughtfully. "True. But I think that has more to do with the fact that I'm more accustomed to the Roman alphabet than you are."

"Still…"

Shadi pulled her close and gave her a little half-hug. "So what do I do now?" he asked.

"Get someone else, of course," Isis said practically.

"Yes, but **who**?" Shadi asked. "Who sent me this, anyway?" He shot a pointed glance at her Millennium Tauk.

Isis fidgeted uncomfortably and looked away. "I don't know," she admitted sheepishly. "I keep getting vague flashes of Bakura, but since we sent him that insult a week ago, it could just be that."

"Or he decided to get us back for it," Shadi countered.

A contemplative look came over Isis' face. "Didn't he get Téa and Mai already?"

Shadi shook his head. "No, that was your brother and his yami."

"And who did the girls get?"

"Bonz, one of Bandit Keith's associates," Shadi replied.

Isis grimaced. "Ah, yes, my erstwhile blind date. He had **terrible** taste in companionship."

"Oh?" Shadi arched one black brow.

Isis nodded. "Of course he did – he didn't like **me**, now, did he?"

Shadi chuckled. "You're right – he **is** an idiot. But that still doesn't answer who sent me this." He glared at the shirt in his hands.

Isis sighed and dropped down into his lap, displacing the loathed T-shirt in the process. "I think it's most likely that Bakura sent you this," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Pulling her close, Shadi continued to think out loud. "So it wouldn't be fair to get him again," he said.

"Actually, it would technically be fair," Isis corrected. "But it would get boring after a while if everyone just insulted whoever insulted them."

"But with Shadow Magic and Millennium Items around, Domino City doesn't stay boring for long," Shadi laughed.

"Right you are, my love," Isis agreed. She smirked. "As always."

Shadi frowned and grumbled one word underneath his breath: "Women."


	51. Too Much Revenge Is A Good Thing

**Too Much Revenge Is A Good Thing**

* * *

"'I try to limit myself to one snarky remark a day. Right now, I'm five thousand years ahead,'" Bakura read off the T-shirt.

Ryou burst into giggles, causing Bakura to glare at him.

"It's not **that** funny," Bakura protested.

"Oh, but it is," Ryou disagreed. "There wasn't anyone around for you to insult while you were trapped in the Ring, but you've **really** made up for it in the past two and a half years."

Bakura grumbled.

"Surprising, really," Ryou said, a mock-thoughtful look on his face.

Bakura raised one snowy eyebrow. "I know I'm going to regret asking this, but…why?"

Ryou's smile was patently **un**-innocent. "Because, while most people say it's the memory, and some people are equally divided on whether it's hearing or sight…I always thought a sense of humor was the first thing to go when you got old."

Bakura huffed. "I don't feel a day older than I did five thousand years ago."

Ryou giggled. "You look much too young to be that old, 'Kura."

That actually **almost** got a smile from the spirit. "And **you** look much too innocent to be as sexy as you are."

Ryou blushed.

Bakura smiled wickedly. "But back to the matter at hand – who sent me this, and who am I going to get back?"

Ryou frowned. "Aren't the answers to those the same person?"

Bakura gave him a disbelieving look.

Ryou sighed and hung his head, unable to believe his own momentary naivety. His koi **never** turned down an opportunity to double his paybacks. "Never mind. Forget I said anything."

"Will do," Bakura said agreeably.


	52. Variety Is The Spice Of Sex

**Variety Is The Spice Of Sex**

****

* * *

_Today's slogan was submitted by of SR, courtesy of her review of Chapter 28. Its phrasing has been altered slightly to fit this couple._

__

* * *

'You go, girl! And take that tacky dice earring with you!'

Duke growled at the bumper sticker in his hand. "My dice earring is **not** tacky."

"No, but you do wear it a lot," Tristan said, careful to keep his tone nonjudgmental.

"So?" Duke asked, perplexed.

Tristan shrugged. "Maybe you should try something different for a while – just for a little variety. It's the spice of life, after all."

Smirking, Duke said brazenly, "I thought the spice of life was sex."

Tristan choked. "Ano…well, variety is good in all its many and…varied…forms," he managed to get out.

Coyly glancing at his boyfriend from under his lowered lashes, Duke said, "You wouldn't, by any chance, want to…show me some of those 'many and varied ways'… Would you?"

Tristan grinned lasciviously. "You bet your dice earring, Dev!"


	53. Spoils Of The Good Life

**Spoils Of The Good Life**

****

* * *

'Yes, I'm spoiled. So what's your point?'

Mokuba made a face at the T-shirt in his hands. "Just because my brother has a lot of money doesn't make me spoiled," he grumbled.

Serenity giggled. "No, but the fact that he'll give you pretty much anything you want **does**."

Mokuba frowned, dumping the shirt onto the table in front of them. "He will not."

"Will so!" Serenity shot back. "You've got him wrapped around your little finger."

Mokuba huffed. "I think you're thinking of your relationship with your own brother, Serenity," he said dryly.

Serenity coughed, and her cheeks colored a bright scarlet so dark it proved once again that she was a true redhead.

Chuckling, Mokuba said, "Aw, you look so cute when you blush."

Serenity scowled, giving lie to the calm nature that her name suggested. "Yes, well…I can't be a Daddy's Girl, so I've been working my feminine wiles on Joey."

Mokuba's eyes went wide. "Your…what?" he asked, trying hard not to choke.

Serenity sniffed and gave him a hard look. "My feminine wiles," she repeated firmly.

Stifling the urge to laugh, long and loud, Mokuba just nodded instead, figuring there was little way he could go wrong by just agreeing with her. "Whatever you say, Rini."

Narrowing her eyes, she glared at him. "You don't believe I have any, do you?"

It was a risky move, but Mokuba decided to tell her the truth – sort of, anyway. "I think that 'feminine wiles' are a deceptive sort of seduction, and you're not a very deceptive person." There, that wasn't so bad…was it?

Giving him a sidelong glance, Serenity huffed. "Deceptive I may not be...but what about seductive?"

_Oh, tread carefully dere, chibi ryuu,_ Joey's voice spoke up in his head. Seto had always found it funny that Joey Wheeler was the person Mokuba went to for relationship advice, but it wasn't as if his brother had any social skills. "I think you don't need to practice any seduction on me, because you have **me** wrapped around your little finger," Mokuba said carefully.

Which was, apparently, the exact right thing to say. Only moments after Mokuba had finished answering her question, Serenity had bounded across the room and laid a liplock to end all liplocks on him.

_Life is good,_ Mokuba decided.

_**Very** good._


	54. Non Compos Mentos Doesn't Necessarily Me...

**Non Compos Mentos Doesn't Necessarily Mean Brainless**

* * *

_Today's insult is courtesy of DarkShadowFlame. It has been altered slightly from its original incarnation as the last line in Chapter 3: Godzilla of her fic, 'What Better Use For Your Millennium Item?'_

* * *

"'Yes, I am mentally unstable – and **proud** of it!'" After reading the phrase emblazoned on the front of the black T-shirt he was holding, Bakura aimed one of his trademark, 'Be Seeing You In The Shadow Realm' glares at the hapless piece of cloth.

Snickering, Ryou told his yami, "But not many men would admit it."

"What?" Yami asked, smirking widely. "That they're mentally unstable? Or that they're proud of it?"

"Either. Both," Ryou replied.

Glaring at the two bickering bakas, Bakura snarled, "I am **not** mentally unstable."

Yami snorted. "That's debatable, tomb-robber."

"Like your intelligence?" said thief shot back.

"Guys, guys, let's not get into this again," Yugi broke in before the two yamis could start their fighting in earnest. Breathing a sigh of relief as the two subsided back into their seats – though they were still glowering at each other; the phrase 'if looks could kill' was definitely applicable in this case – Yugi slumped back into the couch, already exhausted though he and Yami had only been there for half an hour. It seemed like every time the two couples got together, his and Ryou's darker halves would end up fighting. Considering all the insults they were getting to use – without fear of reprisal (well, without fear of **deadly** reprisal, anyway – in this game of prank tag, Yugi had hoped for a bit of peace and quiet in the rest of their lives.

It was Yami who eventually broke the uneasy silence that had settled over Ryou's living room. "So who sent you this, anyway?" the former Pharaoh asked in a bored voice. "Marik and Malik?"

Ryou shook his head. "Couldn't have been. It's too close to some of the ones they've received."

"Yeah, besides, they've already gotten someone this round," Bakura added.

"Who?" Yugi asked. "I've kind of lost track of who's gotten who the past couple of weeks," he added at the other's arched brow.

"Well, Pegasus finally got into the game," Ryou told the other hikari. "He got Noah."

"Who got him back, and sent one to Bonz," Bakura added. "Bonz got Marik…"

"I didn't know Bonz **knew** about Marik," Yugi broke in, face twisted up in a frown.

Ryou coughed and averted his eyes. "Apparently, Keith wasn't the only Duelist Kingdom reject who got mind-controlled by Marik."

"Ah," Yugi said. "And then Marik got Yami."

"And Bakura got Shadi," Yami added.

"And Shadi got me, and I got dice girl," Bakura continued.

"You shouldn't call Duke that, yami," Ryou chided his other.

"If the high heels fit, hikari," Bakura replied, a slow smile spreading across his face.

"Anyway…" Yugi broke in.

"Right," Ryou said, getting back to the topic at hand. "Duke and Tristan got Mokuba, and then Bakura got hit again. But I don't know who by."

"Maybe it was Mokuba and Serenity," Yugi suggested.

"Surely the two of them wouldn't do such a thing," Yami said, proving once again that just because someone was five thousand years old, that didn't mean they were any less naïve than a toddler.

"Wouldn't they?" Bakura asked. "Oh, I think they might…"

Ryou sighed and rolled his eyes as he watched Bakura walk out of the room, most definitely going to plot his revenge. He almost felt sorry for whomever his yami decided to take out his ire on.

Ryou smirked.

**Almost.**


	55. As Brainless As A Barbie Doll As Oversex...

**As Brainless As A Barbie Doll; As Oversexed As A Seductress**

* * *

"'My head is as empty as my wallet after I've been on a shopping spree,'" Mai read off the bright pink T-shirt she'd just received in the mail.

Téa snorted. "As if you'd ever spend all your money on one shopping trip. You're much too thrifty for that."

"It's happened," Mai admitted sheepishly. Stuffing the T-shirt into the trashcan next to the couch, she said, "Joey's still pissed about the dumb blond joke he got three weeks ago, huh?"

"Guess so," Téa agreed, noting the return address on the package. It had been sent from KaibaCorp.

"Think we should get him back?" Mai asked.

After thinking for a moment, Téa said, "Nah, let's lay off him. He's been hit almost half a dozen times."

"Then who?"

"I think we should go after Ryou," Téa replied. "Aside from that note we put in with the insult we sent Bakura, I don't think anyone's really gotten him."

"Good idea," Mai agreed. "Now, where is that list of insults I started…?"

"I think it's in the bedroom," Téa told her.

"The bedroom, ne?" Mai smiled suggestively. "Maybe the insult can wait an hour – or three."

Téa grinned.


	56. Sexy Eye For The Hikari Guy

**Sexy Eye For The Hikari Guy**

* * *

'Your yami dresses you funny.'

Ryou blinked at the bumper sticker lying on the kitchen table amidst the detritus of its packaging. "Nani…?"

Peering over his hikari's shoulder, Bakura scowled. "If anyone dresses funny, it's you," he snorted. "You need to wear more leather."

"It's constricting!" Ryou protested. "I can't breathe in those pants you bought for me – they're three sizes too small."

Bakura's eyes glazed over as he remembered what Ryou had looked like when he'd tried those pants on. "But your ass looked **damn** fine in them."

Ryou blushed.

"Anyway, this sticker has it all wrong," Bakura continued. "It's **you** who used to dress **me** funny."

Ryou sighed. This was an old argument. "Now that you have your own body, you can dress it however you like, Bakura," he pointed out.

"True, but when we were sharing **your** body, not a day went by that you didn't wear one of those froufrou things you call a sweater vest," Bakura countered. "And I thought **kilts** were demeaning…"

"Can we not talk about this now, **koi**?" Ryou gritted out, purposely using the endearment to remind Bakura exactly **where** he would be sleeping if this argument continued much longer – the couch, instead of their bed.

Bakura cleared his throat and looked away, a blush staining his cheeks a light rose. "Right," he agreed. Eyes lighting on the bumper sticker, he asked, "Who…?" He was cut off before he could get more than the first word of his question out.

"Mai and Téa," Ryou supplied. He sighed in defeat as he added, "Again."

Bakura wrinkled his nose in a frown and slumped down into one of the nearby chairs, folding his arms across his chest as he glared at the innocent piece of sticky-backed paper. "Why do they always go after us?" he demanded of the bumper sticker, his mood turning darker when the sticker refused to answer him. "It's not like they even know us all that well."

"Which just makes it easier for them to insult us, since they don't really care about hurting our feelings," Ryou pointed out. "By this bumper sticker, it's apparent that they're not at all fond of either of us."

"They are awfully fond of double insults," Bakura agreed.

"Maybe we should try that?" Ryou suggested.

"Getting two people at once?" Bakura asked, tapping one finger against his chin thoughtfully. "That's a good idea…"

Ryou half-groaned, half-giggled as he realized what he'd suggested. Bakura was definitely corrupting him if he could be so sneaky. Without any prompting on the dark's part, even.

But Bakura was just **too** sexy when he was plotting mayhem and destruction.


	57. D'oh! Nuts

**D'oh! Nuts**

* * *

_Today's phrase is attributed to Adrienne E. Gusoff_

* * *

'The world is round; it has no point.'

'Unlike your head.'

"What **is** it with people making fun of my hair?" Tristan demanded of the magnet and accompanying handwritten note.

"It's just such an easy target," Duke replied. Mirth shining in his jade green eyes, he added, "It sticks out like a sore thumb."

Lips pursed up in a sour smile – as if he'd just swallowed a lemon – Tristan said, "Well, it's not like there's anything I can do about it."

"Why don't you cut it off?" Duke asked.

"I did once," Tristan answered, his expression revealing that it hadn't been a good experience. "Instead of one spike, it clumped together in half a dozen of them. I had this sort of fringe effect going on above my forehead. Back then my hair was blond – it didn't get darker until I turned twelve – so I had six yellows spikes on my head. People were calling me 'Bart' for the three months it took my hair to grow back."

"'Bart?'" Duke asked uncomprehendingly.

"Bart Simpson," Tristan clarified.

If it were possible to describe a snort as delicate – which it wasn't – the exhalation Duke made would have been such. "Did you go around telling people to eat your shorts?"

A metaphorical light bulb went off in Tristan's mind. "No, but I wouldn't mind if you wanted to pull mine off with your teeth…" he said teasingly.

"Oh, **really** now?" Duke grinned.

"Really," Tristan confirmed.

"Fine, but if I have to pull your boxers off with my teeth, you'd better not be expecting me to eat their contents," Duke chided him.

"No?" Tristan asked mock-mournfully.

"Not unless you return the favor," Duke said slyly, sliding down between Tristan's slightly-spread knees.

"One good blowjob deserves another," Tristan said happily. He moaned as Duke went to work. Kami, his boyfriend had such a **talented** mouth!

And it was all his.


	58. The Evil Of Misunderstandings

**The Evil Of Misunderstandings**

* * *

'I'm not evil, just misunderstood.'

"No, actually, I **am** evil," Marik corrected the T-shirt in his hands. Then he shrugged philosophically. "But I suppose that doesn't keep me from also being misunderstood."

Malik snorted. "It's not like it's something most people are proud of."

Marik gave him an uncomprehending look.

"Being evil, I mean," Malik clarified.

"Most people are idiots," Marik growled.

"True," Malik said agreeably.

Marik scowled down at the item of clothing in his hands. "And the Pharaoh is especially idiotic, for sending me this shirt." He wadded the cotton garment up into a navy blue ball of cloth and threw it across the room. It landed in a heap on top of the nearly unoccupied – save for half a dozen empty pocky boxes and a holey dust cloth – trash can.

"True again," Malik reiterated, flopping down next to his koi on the living room couch. "So, do we get him back? Or go after someone else?"

"How about both?" Marik asked.

"Sounds good," Malik agreed. A crafty smile came over his face. "I have this one phrase I've been wanting to use for Kaiba's little brother…"

Marik's indigo eyes lit up. "Do tell…" he purred.


	59. Shag A Delic, Baby!

**Shag-A-Delic, Baby!**

* * *

_Today's phrase is based upon one of Dr. Evil's lines from the movie 'Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me'_

* * *

"'And Seto Kaiba looked down upon his newest creation and said, "I think I shall call him 'Mini-Me','" Serenity read off the handmade bumper sticker.

Mokuba twitched.

Serenity cringed as she heard the sound of something extremely breakable crumbling to pieces after being thrown against the far wall. Sneaking a peek out of the corner of her eye, she flinched. _Ooh, light bulb fragments are **so** hard to get out of shag carpet…_

"I am **not** a miniature version of my brother," Mokuba growled in a low, deadly voice.

"No, but whoever sent you this must know that it'd get under your skin," Serenity replied.

Deflating as he realized she was right, Mokuba joked weakly, "Like you?"

"Hopefully in a good way, not a bad way," Serenity said teasingly.

"Oh, definitely," Mokuba agreed with a playful leer.

"Now that you're in a better mood," Serenity said coyly, coming over to sit beside him on his bed. "You said something about getting under your…skin?" She snuck a hand underneath his shirt, stroking his stomach playfully.

Mokuba squeaked, then moaned as her index finger started circling his bellybutton. "I, ah…don't think you should try actually getting under my **skin**, 'Rini…"

"How about **on** your skin?" she asked.

His breath catching in his throat as he wandering hand headed further south, Mokuba could only manage to choke out two words: "Sounds good."


	60. Make Noise, Not War

**Make Noise, Not War**

* * *

_Yami's quote and its recipient is courtesy of SR, her review of Chapter 28_

* * *

"What's that?" Ryou asked.

Holding up the innocent-looking white envelope, Bakura asked, "This?"

Ryou nodded.

"It's a letter from the Pharaoh," Bakura sneered the honorific.

Eyebrows knitting together in a frown, Ryou asked, "Why would Yami send you a letter? What could he possibly have to say to you? For that matter, even if he **did**, for some unknown reason, have something he wanted to talk to you about – why not just use the phone?"

"Beats me," Bakura replied, his answer pertaining to all three of his hikari's questions. "Let's see what the big baka wants, ne?" With that rousing endorsement, he slit open the envelope with a dagger he'd pulled from somewhere – Ryou didn't really know where, but his koi was never without one, even when they were in bed together – and dumped the contents of it on his lap.

Surprisingly – or, rather, not – it was a letter. There was, however, an instant Polaroid photograph inside the letter's folds.

"What's it say?" Ryou asked, coming over to kneel on the couch next to his lover. Without waiting for an answer, he leaned over Bakura's shoulder to read it himself.

_Tomb-robber,_

_I have often called you insane, and you have just as often denied my allegations. I decided that if I defined exactly what I mean by insanity, perhaps it would be harder for you to imitate Cleopatra. I do believe Albert Einstein said it best…_

_Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results._

_If you persist in your attempts to try and steal my Puzzle, you will only be reinforcing my position on the state of your sanity – or lack thereof. :-)_

_Yami_

Hand trembling with rage, Bakura picked up the photograph and stared at it. It was of Yami, smiling smugly – and holding the Puzzle in his hands.

"That…that…" Bakura sputtered, all his energy expenditure focused on anger and unable to come up with an invective immediately.

"Conceited ass?" Ryou offered, one eye twitching spastically as he glared at the letter. "Stuck-up, self-important snob?"

"Arrogant, egotistical, self-centered, nameless **idiot**!" Bakura roared his agreement, his fist unconsciously clenching and crumpling the paper and photo.

"Although he does have a point," Ryou said casually.

Bakura turned red eyes gone wide in disbelief on his koi. "What…?"

"Albeit not much of one," Ryou continued on blithely. "You try to steal his Puzzle a different way each time, so it's not like you're doing the **exact** same thing…"

Anger, vengeance, and bloodlust for his nemesis died a slow death inside of Bakura, but his urge to declare war on the only other living relic of ancient Egypt in Domino did eventually sizzle out – especially when he noticed the waves of not-entirely-concealed emotions and thoughts wafting through their mind-link from Ryou.

_So…he wants me to be dominating, ne? Hopes that by getting my ire up I'll 'throw him up against the wall and fuck him until he screams'?_

_Your wish is my command, yadonoushi, _Bakura thought, momentarily caught up in past regrets. Regrets that it took his stubborn pride so long to let Ryou in, so they could get this far…_ Only this time…I think you'll like the outcome a **lot** more. _He smirked. _Or should I say, 'come out'?_

Thus decided on his course of action, Bakura moved to implement his plan. It was a good, simple plan, involving nothing more than one step: pouncing on his lover – his unsuspecting lover, who had his back to him – and ravishing him against the living room wall.

Unfortunately – or fortunately, as the case may be – they never quite made it to the wall, and ended up not moving from the floor for quite a while…

Although Ryou **did** get his wish – their neighbors were complaining about the noise for days.


	61. The Older You Are, The Less You Understa...

**The Older You Are, The Less You Understand**

* * *

'I'm not 5,000, I'm eighteen with 4,982 years experience.'

"You know, Yugi…technically, that's true," Yami said thoughtfully. He stared contemplatively down at the beige T-shirt in his hands, then stuffed it into a dresser drawer with a sigh.

"It is?" Yugi frowned in puzzlement.

Nodding, Yami said, "I was almost sixteen when my soul was sealed in the Puzzle–" here they both reflexively clasped one hand on their matching gold pendants, "–and I've had my own body again for a little under two years, so **technically** I've only been 'alive' for eighteen years. Or thereabouts."

"Bakura's losing his touch," Yugi concluded.

"This wasn't from the tomb-robber, aibou."

Yugi frowned once more. "Are you sure? I thought for certain he would've wanted to get you back after that letter you sent him."

Yami grimaced. "I'm sure. He and Ryou TP'd the house last week as revenge for that, remember?"

"Ooohhhh…" Yugi said knowingly. "Right. I remember. They made a toilet paper version of the Millennium Ring in the cherry tree in the backyard." He giggled involuntarily. "That was pretty funny, actually."

Yami's expression said he thought so too, but wasn't going to admit it – it was **Bakura**, after all.

Calming down after his minor laughing fit, Yugi asked, "Well if it wasn't Bakura, then who sent it?"

"I'm pretty sure it was Mokuba," Yami replied. "He probably had Serenity's help, though."

Yugi blinked. "Who hit him?"

"Marik and Malik."

"But who hit them?" Yugi demanded frustratedly. "I can't keep up with all of this!"

Yami smirked humorlessly. "Well, as far as I know…" He took a deep breath and launched into the list of victims and their perpetrators, "Bonz got Marik, who got Bakura, who went for a triple-play and got me, Shadi and Duke. Duke went after Mokuba, who got Bakura, who got Mai, who got hit once again by them. He went after Duke, who pranked Marik, who went after Mokuba. I sent Bakura that letter and he toilet-papered the house, and Mokuba hasn't gotten anyone yet, so it must have been him."

Yugi was dazed by the rapid-fire explanations. "Wow…" he said faintly. "Everyone's really getting into this, aren't they?"

Yami nodded. "Indeed."

Shaking off his bemusement, Yugi said, "Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

Yami blinked. "Huh?"

"We need to get someone else," Yugi explained with strained patience, as if talking to a young child.

Blushing, Yami said, "Oh. Right."


	62. Mokuba The Brave And The Not So Cowardly...

**Mokuba The Brave And The Not-So-Cowardly Thief**

**

* * *

**

"You have some nerve."

"Huh?" Startled, Bakura rose up from his position crouched low to the floor. He tensed in preparation for a fight and whirled around, only to come face to…well, face to the top two inches of spiky black hair. Spiky black hair belonging to one Mokuba Kaiba. _Damn! I've been caught! Play it cool, 'Kura…_ "What are you talking about, kid?" _That's right, the best defense is a good offense…or something._

Mokuba huffed and stood his ground. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing here, **Thief** **King Bakure**," he said pointedly. "I maybe be little, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid." _Or cowardly._

"You could've fooled me," Bakura grumbled under his breath. _Honestly, he isn't even trying to stop me from stealing from him – hasn't called for his brother, or security… It's only him standing between me and revenge…and maybe some insanely expensive piece of technology which I can pawn on E-Bay for an equally insane amount of money,_ he thought with a secret smile.

"You are so **mean**!" Mokuba complained. "You're here trying to steal from us, and you keep picking on me and my brother."

Bakura looked down his nose at the younger Kaiba. "Criticism. Just one more service I offer," he sneered, a glint of mirth lurking in his eyes.

Mokuba snorted. "And here I thought it was sarcasm. What's the other one? How to get **caught** stealing from the Kaiba mansion?" he said, emphasizing that one particular word to let Bakura know that the fact that **he**, Mokuba Kaiba, had caught the infamous Thief King would soon be making the rounds of everyone in Domino City in the know.

Glaring at the half-pint of a brat standing in front of him, Bakura growled low in his throat. He simultaneously managed to pull off a rather menacing look on his face, even though the 'growl' he was making sounded like he had a purring cat trapped in his gullet.

Mokuba blinked and stared at the tomb robber. Calling upon reserves of stoicness he didn't even knew he **possessed** – he must have borrowed them from his brother for the moment – he managed not to burst out laughing at the…peculiar sound coming from Bakura.

_Ani-sama's not gonna **believe** this…_


	63. Warring Lovers

**Warring Lovers**

* * *

_Today's poem is brought to you by whiterose934, her review of Chapter 42. The last line has been altered slightly to fit this fandom better._

* * *

_Roses are red,  
__violets are blue.  
__Ra made me pretty,  
__what in the name of the Shadows happened to you?!_

"But violets are **purple**!" Marik argued with the handmade magnet in his hands. "And those roses that Sister Isis grows on the balcony are white. Except for that bush of yellow ones, the ones with the pink edges on their petals."

Shaking his head at the odd focus of his koi's irritation – didn't Marik realize he'd been **insulted**, for Ra's sake? – Malik said, giving the first explanation he could think of (and consequently lying through his teeth as a result), "It's a very old rhyme, Marik. It was written for Valentine's Day – y'know, that holiday you really like 'cause everyone gets candy?"

Marik nodded vigorously. "And then on White Day you give candy back to the person who gave **you** candy."

Malik nodded tiredly. Marik's sweet tooth was infamous in Domino City. There was a reason he'd bought stock in the Godiva chocolate company. Stock which was doing remarkably well for Japan, where the greater proportion of the populous **normally** bought pocky when they wanted a sugar rush. "Right. Anyway, this rhyme was invented back in a time with people didn't have as good a color sense as they do today. They thought violets were blue, and while roses **did** come in lots of colors, this was a romantic rhyme, and red roses symbolize passion." The color sense part of the argument was completely false, but the rest was the truth. And who knew, maybe people really **had** thought violets were blue hundreds of years before.

They'd thought the Black Plague was the work of witches, after all.

"Well…all right," Marik gave in grudgingly. His eyes flashed with anger and he demanded, "Now that that's out of the way…who in the world would invite a slow and painful death by sending me this…offensive poem?!"

Malik blinked. Well, maybe Marik wasn't as oblivious as he'd thought…

And he was still as bloodthirsty as ever.

_And here I thought he was losing his edge,_ Malik thought. Smirking, he said, "Well, now, koi, I'm not sure. Why don't we just prank everybody, that way we'd be sure to get whoever it was?"

Frowning slightly, Marik asked, "But what about the innocent victims that we'll inevitably get?"

Malik looked at him disbelievingly. _Or maybe he **is** losing his edge._ "Who cares?" he asked.

"Sister Isis?" Marik half-asked.

Malik gulped. _Ooohh… Hadn't thought of that._ "Good point."

"But then again, all's fair in love and war," Marik said, doing a conversational U-turn.

"True," Malik agreed.

"And this poem is the love," Marik continued, holding up the dreaded magnet. "So…"

"This means war!" they declared in harmonic glee.


	64. Bad Ass Toys Aren't Just For Boys

**Bad Ass Toys Aren't Just For Boys**

* * *

_All three Bakura/Ryou suggestions courtesy of SR, her review of Chapter 28. Also Duke's 'Mr. Testosterone' comment, though it has been altered slightly so as to cut down on the number of people squicked by vegiphilia._

_

* * *

_

"Any ideas?"

"The beatings will continue until morale improves?" Tristan suggested.

Duke blinked. "What?"

"For Bakura and Ryou," Tristan clarified.

Sighing, Duke shook his head at his boyfriend. "Bakura never beat Ryou up. Despite what Yami thinks, the thief wasn't all that bad to him."

A mulish expression on his face, Tristan retorted, "But he wasn't all that **nice** either."

"Yeah, but that saying isn't funny in the least; it's **mean**," Duke pointed out. "This is supposed to be a game – not a war."

Hemming and hawing for a few moments, Tristan finally sighed and nodded his head. "You're right," he admitted. "How about 'Wearing matching sweaters is a sign of our fidelity'?"

Duke tilted his head to side in thought. "That **might** have worked…" he allowed. "Only now that Bakura has his own body, they don't dress alike anymore."

Tristan's face fell. "Damn."

"Every time I've built character, I've regretted it?" Duke suggested.

"That's pretty ambiguous, don't you think?" Tristan pointed out.

"Yeah, but it's funny," Duke argued.

"There's more to life than humor," Tristan said grumpily, still smarting slightly at the fact that Duke had shot down both of his suggestions. He was just petty enough to want to argue that Duke's wasn't a good one – which it was, but it really **was** too ambiguous – because Duke had shot his down.

"Like what?" Duke asked, curious as to what his boyfriend would come up with off the top of his head. Duel Monsters? Money? School?

Oh, wait. He was forgetting one very important quality that both he and Tristan held…

They were both teenage boys.

"Like sex," Tristan said triumphantly, a cheeky grin on his face.

_He definitely didn't disappoint my expectations,_ Duke thought with wry tiredness. "Watch it, Mr. Testosterone, you can be replaced with a vibrator," Duke quipped, nimbly rolling one of his ubiquitous dice between his fingers in that way that always got his boyfriend **so** turned on.

Tristan choked. "Do you really **own** one?" he asked, scandalized by the thought.

And strangely aroused, as well…

Duke's eyes glittered with mischief – and feral intent. "Wouldn't you like to know?" he returned coyly.

"Yes, I would," Tristan said honestly. A slow smile spread across his face. "Toys are better when they're shared, you know…"

A broad grin on his face, Duke said, "Well, my dear, let me show you my toy box…"

Oh, they were gonna have **fun** tonight!


	65. Wasn't The Pharaoh Also Called Morning S...

**Wasn't The Pharaoh Also Called 'Morning Star'?**

* * *

'I didn't ask to be Pharaoh. But hey, if the crown fits…over all my freakishly spiked hair.'

A growl rumbled low in Yami's throat. His entire being radiated anger on behalf of himself and his lover.

Yugi huffed. "There is nothing freaky about our hair," he said petulantly.

Wadding up the T-shirt – black with yellow and red-edged lettering to imitate his and Yugi's hair colors – Yami stuffed it into the dirty clothesbasket. "Tristan's one to talk," Yami spat, arms folding across his chest. "His hair spikes up oddly as well."

"Yeah, but he only has the one," Yugi pointed out petulantly.

Yami quirked a grin. "True, but at least neither of us is the one Bakura calls, 'Unicorn Boy,' aibou."

Yugi sniggered. "True." He sobered. "But Kaiba calls us the hedgehog twins. I'm about ready to dye myself blue and go by the name Sonic just to get him to lay off."

Cocking one raven brow at his lover, Yami gave vent to an inelegant snort. "I think that would only give him more fodder for his taunts, Yugi."

"Yeah, but he might start calling us refugees from _Braveheart_…and I could live with being compared to Mel Gibson," Yugi said, sighing dreamily.

Yami's eye twitched. His lover had a penchant for American movies…which wouldn't be so bad if he didn't spend so much time talking about how cute the stars of said movies were.

The male stars, who looked **nothing** like him. It was enough to give even a former Pharaoh an inadequacy complex. After all, in this life he didn't run his own country – like he did back in Egypt – or even have access to untold riches like he did back then, and like movies stars did presently.

Oh, it sucked being a has-been.

Noticing the heavy-lidded look of lust Yugi was currently shooting, Yami amended his former thought, _But better a has-been than a never-was. Then not only would I have never met Yugi…he wouldn't even have existed._

And with that slightly chilling thought, Yami pulled his lover into a heated kiss and proceeded to remove all thoughts of blond American movie stars from said lover's mind.


	66. Anger Management For The Sexually Frustr...

**Anger Management For The Sexually Frustrated**

* * *

'Out of my body, back in five millennia.'

"Technically it's **my** body you ended up in," Ryou said to the T-shirt in his hands.

"Over and over again," Bakura agreed, a leer on his face as he palmed his koibito's ass.

Flushing so red he was afraid he'd cut off blood circulation to any other part of his body besides his face, Ryou sputtered, "Bakura no hentai."

"Yes?" Bakura answered pleasantly, a grin stretching his lips wide.

Making a noise of disgust, Ryou threw the shirt at his lover and flounced across the room towards the couch, where he flopped down in front of the television set. He fumed, gnashing his teeth. The sex was great, but sometimes his yami really could be **too** perverted – even for an eighteen-year-old hormonal teenager such as himself.

"Boy, are you pissy when you haven't had your coffee," Bakura grumped.

Ryou just seethed silently.

For all of five seconds.

Exploding into a maelstrom of anger, Ryou jumped up from the couch, whirled on Bakura, pinned said yami to the wall and began to berate him. Loudly. All the while banging his head against the wall every third word.

"Sex is not the be-all and end-all of the universe, Bakura!" he yelled, punctuating his declaration with another thump of his audience's head against the wall. "I realize you didn't get any for five thousand years and are for some reason trying to make up for all of it inside a decade, but **some** people like a little romance more often than once in a blue moon!" He grounded to a halt, breathless, his anger mostly spent.

Staring down – down because Ryou had tapped his strength reserves and was drawing on a years supply of adrenaline in order to hold him several inches off the floor – at his hikari, who's face was flushed and panting, reminding him eerily of what he looked like in the aftermath of passion, Bakura mumbled dumbly, "You're beautiful when you're angry."

"Nani?!"

_Maybe that wasn't the best response,_ Bakura thought. Further musings were cut off by Ryou's lips on his, the hikari's tongue spearing its way into his mouth.

_Or…maybe it was, _Bakura thought muzzily and gave himself up to his – for-once – dominating lover.


	67. I Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow Today ...

**I Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow – Today I'm Busy Gossiping**

**

* * *

**

"'My life is **so** predictable. I think I'll plan to be spontaneous.'"

Isis stared hard at the bumper sticker she'd just read from…and snickered.

Shadi blinked. "You're not mad about it?' he asked cautiously.

"Why should I be?" she asked, humor apparent in her tone. "It's **true**. And besides, I'm always in a good mood when I see something…interesting."

The way his lover said 'interesting' prompted a question that he normally would have censored – and probably should have, even with Isis' good mood – "Who did you see having sex?"

Isis choked. "Ano…" she stuttered, blushing. "Actually I saw Ryou and Bakura," she admitted, face flaming.

Shadi's eyes went wide. He hadn't been **serious**…

Inwardly he smirked. But as long as they were on the subject…

"What were they doing?" he asked.

A contemplative expression came over her face. "Funnily enough, it looked like they were playing the domination/submission game…and Ryou was in charge."

"That's a switch," Shadi said, surprised.

"Too true," Isis agreed. She shook her head, thoughts of naked yami/hikari pairs shoved to the back of her mind to drool over later. "But that wasn't what I was referring to. I saw who's getting hit next."

One eyebrow rose until it disappeared beneath the white expanse of Shadi's turban. "Oh?" Normally they had to rely on second-hand reports of what happened to everybody else; reports that normally only included who got hit, and in what order. The actual slogans were guarded zealously, though some people did snitch on what they'd given others.

But to get it straight from Ptah's mouth, as it were…

A devilish smirk crept up on Isis' lips. "You'll never **believe** some of those slogans…"

Settling in for a long gossip session, Shadi made sure to make himself comfortable in Isis' office chair. This could be **good**. "Do tell," he encouraged. "Tell me **all** about them…"


	68. The Few, The Furred, the Forgotten

**The Few, The Furred, The Forgotten**

* * *

_Slogan and recipient courtesy of Anonymous, their review of Chapter 40_

_

* * *

_

'Don't call me infantile, you stinkybutt poopyhead!'

Mouth dropping open in shock at the message on the size small T-shirt she'd pulled out of the mailing envelope, Rebecca's face screwed up in a frown and she started to howl.

Lying in a crumpled pile of ragged fleece fur, Teddy watched with impassive plastic eyes as Rebecca vented her rage.

Finally calming down, Rebecca, red-faced with anger, glared heatedly own at the shirt in her lap. "I would **never** call **anyone** a 'stinkybutt poopyhead'," she snarled. Giving a disdainful sniff, she said haughtily, "With my vocabulary I can be **much** more inventive."

A dangerous glint shone in her eyes as her carelessly spoken words sunk into her genius-level whiz kid brain. "Yes, I can…" she mused.

Teddy watched impassively from the floor as his mistress plotted malicious mischief. For all that she played the part of the cherubic child with her 'imaginary friend' Teddy, Rebecca Hawkins was quick to forget her furred childhood companion when she had more immediately pressing matters to attend to – like revenge. It wasn't the first time he'd been forgotten while Rebecca was intent on something she deemed more important. And it most likely wouldn't be the last.

Infantile, indeed. She was more like a toddler, whose favorite stuffed bear had been scorned in favor of the newest and most amusing game of the moment.

Even if she refused to admit she couldn't win.


	69. The Importance Of Love

**The Importance Of Love**

* * *

_Today's slogan – and recipient – is courtesy of Anonymous, their review of Chapter 40_

* * *

'You're as young as you feel, but never as important.'

Yami blinked dumbly at the bumper sticker in his hands. "Nani?"

Yugi sighed and yawned. It was six thirty in the morning, and while they were both still tired, Yami was the only one whose brain was still asleep. "I think it means that you may have been Pharaoh in your past life, but it doesn't matter, because in **this** life, you're only an eighteen-year-old kid."

Sighing, Yami dropped the bumper sticker in the trashcan and slumped down at the kitchen table. "More of my high-handedness, ne, aibou?" he asked fatalistically.

A crooked grin on his face, Yugi dropped down to sit next to his lover. "Not really. I think whoever sent this is a bit miffed that you seem to think that because you were Pharaoh in your past life, that means you should be accorded the same respect in **this** life."

"So basically, you're saying yes," Yami snarked.

Yugi blushed. "Ano…only peripherally," he hedged.

Yami's face darkened and he growled subvocally. "Well, what would **you** do in my position, Yugi?" he demanded. "I used to be Pharaoh Atemu, King of Games, Lord of all Egypt…and now I'm a Japanese high school student who works part time in your Grandpa's Game Shop."

"But you're still the King of Games," Yugi pointed out.

"True, but no one knows that besides our little group," Yami grumbled.

Continuing as if he hadn't even heard his other's interjection, Yugi continued, "And there's one thing you have in this life that you didn't have back in Egypt…"

"What? Body piercings?" Yami asked, referring to the three rings he had in each ear.

"Actually…I meant me," Yugi answered innocently, giving his lover his best rendition of 'The Eyes' ™.

Yami blinked, blushed and, groaning, averted his gaze from his hikari's. "I…you're right, Yugi," he said softly, turning back to face the other boy once he was sure he had control of his faculties. Reaching out with one hand, he gently pulled Yugi up from his chair and into his own lap. "You're better than any title in the world, koi."

Yugi grinned to himself. A penitent yami was **so** much fun to play with. Outwardly, he gave his lover a soft look and stroked his face with one hand. "I love you, too, Yami," he said, and rewarded his lover's apology with a kiss.


	70. Killing My Enemies Sexily

**Killing My Enemies Sexily**

* * *

_Slogan and recipient courtesy of Anonymous, their review of Chapter 40_

_

* * *

_

'It's **not** a bald spot! It's a solar panel for my sex machine!'

Rishid blinked down at the size XXL T-shirt in his hands. "Nani?" he asked, face screwed up in a cross between a glare and a frown.

Marik and Malik were giggling in the background, but the hikari managed to calm down long enough to say, "It'll go **perfectly** with the hat you got last time, brother dear," before he burst out laughing once more.

Fuming in silent indignation – were these kids **purposely **harping on his sexual activity (or lack thereof)? – Rishid crumpled the cotton tee into a ball and threw it towards the trashcan, not noticing when it rebounded off the edge and hit Marik in the head. Malik did, however, start laughing even harder, prompting a scowl from his lover and a look of confused irritation from his brother.

"What am I going to do?" Rishid asked.

"Besides wear your new shirt with that hat you got last month when we go to see the 'Weapons of the Ancient World' exhibit at the museum tomorrow?" Malik said jokingly.

Rishid scowled down at his brother. "Yes, **besides** that," he hissed from between tightly clenched teeth.

"You could always get someone else," Marik pointed out reasonably.

Blinking at this sensible suggestion from the normally off-balance – if not outright demented – yami, Rishid stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm…" he mused. "That idea has merit."

"But not mine about you wearing your new accessories together?" Malik asked, pouting and feigning a hurt puppy look.

"That has merit as well…but a **bad **one," Rishid growled.

Taking in the look of almost murderous rage on his brother's face, Malik gulped. He decided that in order to keep his head where he liked it best – firmly attached to his shoulders – he'd best redirect Rishid's homicidal impulses towards someone else.

"You know, I don't think Yugi's been hit in a while…"


	71. Digitized Male Seeks Computer Geek For C...

**Digitized Male Seeks Computer Geek For Companionship**

* * *

_People say I don't fit in, but the truth is…I'm just a MAC person in a PC world._

_Literally,_ Noah thought glumly as he stared at the message – written in a font in which the letters were cutouts on rainbow-striped apples; how inventive – in his Inbox.

He listlessly clicked the delete button and sat back in his digital 'chair.' He was more depressed than upset by the newest missive. His pseudo 'life' – such as it was – sucked.

Well, lately, at least.

School had started back up, and both Mokuba and Seto had much less time to spend with him. Consequently, things had been getting rather lonely in his corner of cyberspace. He'd had no visitors for **weeks**, and his part of the business was actually pretty slow, too.

Who would have guessed that KaibaCorp **wouldn't** have anyone trying to take it over?

It really sucked being the only 'real' person on the World Wide Web. It wasn't as if there was anyone else trapped here like he was. The Big Five had had their consciousnesses moved into those miniature robots – it had been considered a bad idea to have those volatile personages given the run of the whole Internet, and Noah had to agree with his older 'stepbrother' there.

But it might have been nice to have some company on a regular basis – even if they **were** evil jerks.

Sighing, Noah slumped down in his 'chair.' _Maybe I should look into one of those Internet Dating Services…_


	72. Whiners Always Prosper

**Whiners Always Prosper**

* * *

_Today's line is courtesy of Nightmare, her review of Chapter 48_

* * *

'Born to whine.'

"I am not!" Téa argued in a tone of voice suspiciously similar to that of a whine. She wadded the pale gray T-shirt up into a ball and threw it across the room, not even noticing as it got hung up on a lampshade.

Mai just coughed discreetly. No **way** was she getting into this. Téa held her future sex life in her 'whiny' little hands.

Téa's head whipped around at the sound and she glared at her koi. "You got anything to say, Valentine?" she growled.

Putting her hands to her chest in a 'Who, me?' gesture, she said, "Of course not, Téa. Just that…we really need to teach those boys a lesson!" _Whew! Quick save._

"We do, don't we?" Téa mused, opting to forgo interrogating her girlfriend for torturing her friends.

"Yes," Mai agreed needlessly.

"But who should we get?" Téa asked.

"How about we go after someone who hasn't been hit in a while?" Mai suggested.

"Hmm…there aren't many of those," Téa said thoughtfully. "Noah doesn't get hit all that often…"

"But neither of us are good with computers, and I don't want him maxing out my credit cards in retaliation," Mai argued.

Téa frowned slightly. "Good point. Um…Duke and Tristan?"

"Got hit last week."

"Rishid?"

Mai shrugged. "Same."

Snapping her fingers as a light bulb lit in her mind, Téa turned to her girlfriend with a wide smile on her face. "What about Rebecca?"

Mai gave her an apologetic smile. "She's the one who hit Rishid."

Téa fumed and threw up her hands in resignation. "Damn it! Who are we supposed to get?"

Eyes landing on a nearby magazine advertising the newest attraction at the Domino City Aquarium – a miniature water park – Mai smiled slowly. "I have an idea…"


	73. The Right Bait

**The Right Bait**

* * *

'Carp happens.'

Squinting at the bumper sticker in his hands, Mako said, unperturbed, "Indeed it does. But we mostly use trout to feed the whales."

Lene, who'd been snickering quietly in the corner, calmed down enough to say, "I think it's more of a play on words, Mako."

One raven eyebrow rising into spiky hair, Mako said, "Oh?"

Lene nodded. "It's an old saying: 'Shit Happens.' Well, a synonym for 'shit' is 'crap' and if you rearrange the middle two letters of 'crap' you get…" she gestured for him to make the connection.

"Carp," Mako realized. "Ah, I see…" He blinked, then frowned. "No, actually, I don't. What's the point?"

"The point is that someone couldn't think of anything insulting, so they hit you with something funny instead," Lene replied.

Suddenly remembering the last time he'd received a shirt with an insulting phrase on it, Mako realized that this must be part of that ongoing game, which had so far managed to avoid him – save for that one T-shirt. "Oh." His brow furrowed in thought. "So then what should I do?"

"Get someone else, obviously," Lene said.

"But who?" Mako asked, stumped as to who could deserve something like this.

"Someone who's pissed you off recently, I would advise."

Remembering a certain insane blond Egyptian duo that had come to the new water park on the weekend and proceeded to cause enough havoc and mayhem to shut it down before it had been open a week, Mako smiled, showing more teeth that your average shark. "I know **just** who I would like to go after."

Lene shivered. Mako was **so** sexy when he got like that, all ferocious seduction. The man was quite the catch, and the fact that he shared her love of the sea and all its denizens was just a bonus.

She frowned. If only she had the right bait to catch him.

Seeing that he was busy trying to think up a phrase to send to whoever it was, she smiled as he busily searched for the pencil he had tucked behind his ear. Plucking the wooden stick from behind its perch, she handed it to him, receiving a grateful smile and a nod of thanks in return.

She sighed longingly as she watched him go to work. _No matter. Sooner or later, I'll reel him in._


	74. The Two, Who Are Demented, And Insane

**The Two, Who Are Demented, And Insane**

* * *

_Today's slogan and recipient brought to you by lilmatchgirl007_

_

* * *

_

'I used to be schizophrenic, but now we're just fine.'

Malik sighed. "And the thing is, I can't even really get mad about this one."

One platinum blond brow climbing up into hair of the same shade, Marik demanded, "Why not?"

"Because it's true," Malik said, lacklusterly folding the navy blue T-shirt into a compact square and stuffing it into the back of one of his dresser drawers. He might never wear it, but he certainly wasn't going to just throw it away…

"Just because it's true, doesn't mean we have to like it," Marik pointed out.

"Yeah, but since it **is** true, we can't be too vindictive in our retaliation," Malik replied. "It'd be going overboard, and Isis'll make us put a stop to this game of prank tag if we get really cruel in our taunts."

Marik just stood there, staring at his lover for a few moments, before he collapsed onto the bed. "Whew!" He let out a heavy sigh. "For a minute there, I was afraid you were going to say we couldn't even **take** retaliation."

Blinking at his lover, Malik's eyes narrowed. His voice in a dangerously even tone, he said, "You're kidding, right? Just because the insult they sent us is true, doesn't mean I'm going to let them off the hook. This is **war**, Marik; there's no way I'm **not** getting them back."

"Glad to see you haven't lost your edge," Marik said, grinning slightly.

One eyebrow crooked at his lover, Malik pulled out his Millennium Rod and brandished it, drawling, "My **edge** is still sharp enough to cut your throat, lover." He purred the last word in husky tones, eyes glinting with humor, mischief, and lust.

Marik gulped, his cock hardening in his jeans. Ra, his hikari was so sexy when he got dominating…

And it was definitely demented to **want** his lover out of control. But he could care less.


	75. Men Run The World, But Women Rule The Un...

**Men Run The World, But Women Rule The Universe**

**

* * *

**

'Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.'

Seto blinked at the T-shirt in his hands, staring at it hard, as if hoping the force of his gaze would be enough to make it reveal all its secrets – or, at the very least, burst into flames. "I get the second half, but what is that about cats?"

"I heard Mai got Téa a kitten fer her birthday," Joey muttered. He sighed and pasted on a too-side smile. "Ah, well," he said philosophically. "At least it isn't really insultin' dis time."

"I suppose you're right," Seto agreed. "But one has to wonder how smart those girls are, to always insult from a male-bashers perspective. Feminism is all well and good, but I don't think I deserve to be considered beneath someone just because of my gender."

"I think dat's pretty much what Mai's tryin' ta say," Joey pointed out. "Da second half, I mean."

"Yes, but I still think she's going overboard," Seto grumbled. "She sounds hypocritical. And I've never acted like having a Y chromosome made me superior to her."

"No, but ya do pick on Duke's 'alternative' alternative lifestyle a lot," Joey said gently. "Actin' like him dressin' like a girl demeans him in some way. Dat may have somptin' ta do wit' it."

Seto winced. Joey was right. While this wasn't exactly an infrequent occurrence, the fact that he'd been so oblivious to how he'd been treating the dice duelist really rankled him. As well as the fact that he'd been practicing a subtle form of prejudice, writing it off as friendly teasing, when in fact in might not have appeared like that to some of the others.

Hell, maybe Devlin thought he really had it in for him.

Resolving to think up some way in which to apologize without actually apologizing to the other game creator, Seto said, "You make some very good points, Joey. Now, how about helping me another problem?"

A pleased as punch grin crossing his face at the rare – and all the more valued and appreciated – praise, Joey said, "Sure, Seto. Whaddya want help with?"

Smirking, Seto said, "Help me continue the insult chain."

Joey grinned. "Ninmu ryoukai," he said with relish, imitating his favorite anime character.

All right, so he had a thing for broody brunets with blue eyes, an obsession with computers, and no social skills. Better than a thing for men-hating blondes.

Especially since he was gay.


	76. The Good, The Bad, And The Not So Dead

**The Good, The Bad, And The…Not-So-Dead**

* * *

'Necrophilia means never having to say you're sorry.'

"Okay, first…ew. And second…"

"Second?" Bakura asked.

Murderous rage came over Ryou's face. "I'm going to **kill** Kaiba."

Bakura gulped, backing away from his lover fearfully. "Ano…I'm not sure that's such a good idea, hikari," he tried to dissuade the other.

"And why would that be, 'Kura-chan?" Ryou asked sweetly, gripping the T-shirt in his hand so hard it ripped with the force.

Bakura gulped. _The Shadow Realm has no fury like a pissed off koi,_ he thought. "Because I'm…sorry that he's such a jerk?" he offered weakly.

Ryou blinked. _Bakura…apologizing for something that isn't his fault?_ he thought. _And…oh. How sweet._

"Apology accepted," Ryou said cheerfully, discarding the T-shirt onto the floor…somewhere. Pulling his boyfriend closer, he said, "Now that we've made up…"

Bakura smirked. "Time for the kiss?" he guessed. _Whew! I wasn't even sure that would work._

_Damn glad it did, though._

"And more," Ryou agreed, wrapping his arms around his koi. Oh, they were going to have **fun** tonight!


	77. Run This Way

**Run This Way**

* * *

"Shadow Magic Happens?"

"Not specific enough," Seto dismissed after a moment's thought.

Joey nodded. "Ano…how about, 'Of all the things I've lost, I miss my Millennium Rod the most,' for Marik and Malik?"

"That might work…" Seto allowed.

Joey perked up.

"But unfortunately, **I'm** the only one who could have been said to have 'lost' the Millennium Rod," Seto grumbled. "Besides, they got hit pretty recently."

Joey's face fell. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Maybe we should try figuring out who we're going after before we think of insults," Seto suggested.

"Yeah, ano…who got hit by who, though?" Joey asked. "If we don't figure it out, den we won't know who has yet ta get hit," he pointed out.

"Well, Yami and Yugi got Rebecca," Seto said after a moment's thought.

"And da blonde brat got Rishid," Joey continued. "I remember Malik makin' a fuss about dat."

"And Marik made a fuss about Mako getting him," Seto threw in.

Joey frowned in confusion. "Who got freaky fish guy?"

"Téa and Mai," Seto answered, adding before Joey could ask, "Noah got Téa."

"But who got Noah?" Joey asked, now thoroughly confused.

Tilting his head to side in thought, Seto tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I think it was Rishid – but I can't be certain."

"Gah, what a tangled web we weave, ne, Seto?" Joey's eyes were slightly glazed from trying to understand the intricacies of this game they were playing.

"Indeed, pup." Seto nodded sagely. "Now all we have to do is lure some unsuspecting fly into our parlor."

"But which one of us is da spider?" Joey joked.

"Who cares?" Seto asked practically. "Either way, we'll still catch somebody."

Joey laughed. "As soon as we figure out da right bait, anyway."

Seto grimaced. "Point."

"Well, da sooner we let out da line, da sooner we'll reel in our catch."

"Quit with the fishing metaphors, before I start calling you a dogfish," Seto growled.

"Sure thing," Joey agreed amiably, before adding, a smirk lurking around his lips, "My little dragonfly."

Seto's eye twitched and he dove for his koi, missing him only by millimeters as Joey danced out of his reach – and out the doorway. "Come back here, mutt!" he yelled, running after Joey.

And the chase was on.


	78. Bad To The Bone, And The Bed, And Beyond

**Bad To The Bone. And The Bed, And Beyond…**

* * *

"'If it's dangerous to talk to yourself, it's probably even dicier to listen.'"

"Wouldn't that make more sense if you sent it to Duke?"

Ryou turned away from the bumper sticker he'd been reading from and blinked at his lover. "Huh?" he asked, most of his attention still focused on the insult he'd received.

"Well, Duke **is** the 'dicey' one in our little group," Bakura pointed out, fangs bared in a mirthful smirk.

Ryou groaned and closed his eyes, trying to shut out the sight of his yami's odd brand of **pun**ishment. "You are **so** bad, yami."

"To the bone, hikari. To the bone," Bakura agreed with relish.

Noting the suggestiveness in the other's tone, Ryou snorted and tossed the bumper sticker away. "Bakura no ecchi," he accused.

"Yeeesss…." Bakura drawled in mock innocence.

Ryou chuckled and shook his head. "You are **so** bad."

Shrugging disaffectedly, Bakura said, "Indeed I am. Do you have a problem with that?"

"None at all, Bakura, none at all," Ryou purred as he stalked towards his lover. "But speaking of…**bones**…" He trailed one hand teasingly down the other's chest, heading towards his stomach – and even further south.

Bakura's eyes glinted with arousal. "Oh, yes…"


	79. Fuzzy Wuzzy Was A Bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy Had ...

**Fuzzy Wuzzy Was A Bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy Had No Hair**

* * *

'It takes a village to raise a child. Which explains why you turned out the way you did, considering you only had one ratty old teddy bear looking after you.'

"Teddy is **not** ratty!" Rebecca yelled at the bumper sticker in her hand. She cast a chagrined look at her faithful furry friend, noting the bald patches where his fur had been loved off, and the way his right eye was a little lopsided since it had fallen off and not been reattached in the exact same spot as it originally resided. Half of his stuffing had been replaced at different intervals, and he **used** to have a tail, but that had come off long ago.

In short, Teddy **was** looking a little worse for wear.

But she couldn't replace him. For so long, he'd been her only friend.

"And even with Yugi, he's still my best friend," she said softly, desultorily tearing the bumper sticker into small pieces. "Which is a sad commentary on my life. I need to get out more."

Which was easier said than done, considering she was a ten-year-old genius. Smart enough to do things people twice her age couldn't even conceive of, but too young to even get into a PG-13 movie.

"There's always the Internet, though," she mused. "I think I saw a chat group yesterday that looked interesting. Real World Impaired Computer Nerds, I think it was?" Glancing at her worse-for-wear bear, she asked, "What do you think, Teddy? Should I e-mail this Noah guy and sign up?"

She wasn't expecting an answer, but the fact that the sun – which had previously been hiding behind a gray, overcast sky for the last three days – chose that moment to come out and shine directly on Teddy's patched-up face certainly could be taken as an omen.

Good or bad, she didn't know. And didn't care.

"Let's do it, Teddy," Rebecca declared, pulling out her laptop and logging on to the Internet. It was time she made some **real** friends. Hopefully ones who wouldn't tease her about her fondness for an old stuffed bear.

And if they did…well, she was a master hacker and could make their lives – their **real** lives – a living hell.

Cackling at the thought, Rebecca got down to business, typing out an e-mail to that Noah guy. Maybe **he** could be her friend.


	80. Too Much Of A Good Thing Is A Good Thing

**Too Much Of A Good Thing Is A Good Thing**

* * *

_Today's insult – and recipient – is courtesy of pyropixiepenguin, her review of Chapter 48._

* * *

'I'm a homosexual midget: I just came out of the cupboard!'

"I am **not** a midget!" Yugi growled at the hand-printed T-shirt in his hands. He gnashed his teeth, looking like nothing so much as a pissed off kitten.

"And we 'came out of the closet' almost two years ago," Yami added. "This insult is not very accurate."

Looking up – and up; Yami was over a foot taller than him, and that was **not** including the hair – at his koibito, Yugi glared at him. "What do you mean 'we', oh Great Yu-Gi-Oh?" he demanded caustically. "This insult is aimed at **me** specifically."

Warning bells rang in Yami's head, signaling to the former Pharaoh that he had made a great error in judgment where his hikari was concerned. "Ano…I realize that, Yugi, but…"

"But?" Yugi prompted, a hard light glinting in his eyes. A light that said, 'One wrong move and I don't care if you're better at wielding Shadow Magic than I am; I'll still find a way to seal you inside that Puzzle for **another** five thousand years.'

Swallowing hard, Yami quickly came up with the only viable option he could see short of begging for forgiveness. _Not that this will be any less humiliating…_ "But when we got together, we promised to share not only our hearts with each other, but also our lives. And anything that affects you affects me because I don't like to see you upset."

A small grin quirked Yugi's lips up. "Nice save, Yami."

Yami grinned weakly. _Phew! For a minute there, I thought I was a goner._

"But there is such a thing as too much togetherness," Yugi continued. "We don't need to do **everything** together. I, for one, intend to get my revenge without your help."

Yami dipped his head in a nod. "As is your right, hikari." _But I sure do like some of the **other **things we do together,_ he thought, but did not say. _Hmm…maybe a little 'afternoon delight' will make Yugi feel better._

One eyebrow rising in mild disbelief that Yami was giving in so easily, Yugi said, "Yes, well…glad you see things my way, Yami."

Murmuring his assent, Yami purred, "You can get your revenge by yourself…however, there **is** something that **we** can do together…" He glanced pointedly from Yugi to the nearby bed and back again, one eyebrow twitching up in inquiry.

A slow smile stole across Yugi's face. "Hmm…very true, koi. Very true."


	81. The Bored

**The Bored**

* * *

'We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.'

Noah steamed. "That is **not** funny," he groused to the e-mail in his inbox. Purposely clicking 'Delete,' he watched in satisfaction as the malevolent missive was removed from his sight.

"Even if it **is** partly true," he added under his cyberbiotic breath. Sighing, he started his normally stretch of melancholy brooding that typically took up his time from nine to noon in the morning. He had nothing better to do with his time, as things were slow at work. And the chat group he'd started up didn't really get going until the afternoon. _Maybe I should 'assimilate' someone, _he thought whimsically. _Then I'd have a companion by my side for when things got boring._

Though the thought had originally been just a whimsical noting, there was some appeal in making an online friend. The chat group he'd created had given him social interaction, but he hadn't really tried to get to know any the members better. There was that young lady who had just joined. She seemed extremely intelligent, despite her young age.

"What was her nickname again?" Noah's forehead furrowed in a frown. "TeddyGirl?"

_Maybe I should ask her to meet me for a private chat. We could never meet in 'real' life, but it would be nice to talk to someone one on one._

Decision made, Noah pulled up a new browser window and set about writing an e-mail to TeddyGirl, inviting her for an online 'date.'

A smirk crossed his digitized lips. _And once I've sent this off, then I can see about getting my revenge…_


	82. Expenses And Consequences

**Expenses And Consequences**

* * *

_Today's slogan brought to you by SilverWing147, her review of Chapter 43. It has been altered slightly to fit this fandom._

* * *

"'My hikari said he'd leave me if I send one more person to the Shadow Realm. Ra, I'm going to miss him.'"

Ryou sniggered at the look on his lover's face as he read the bumper sticker's message aloud.

Crumpling the sticky-backed paper in his hand, Bakura growled, "This isn't **funny**, Ryou."

"That's what you always say," Ryou dismissed.

"They're implying our relationship is unstable," Bakura said pointedly, hoping to appeal to his hikari's need for 'romance' in his life.

Ryou just cocked one snow-white brow at his koi. "You'll have to do better than that, yami," he rebuked, tsking reprovingly.

Scowling, Bakura said, "What is it with you? Someone makes a joke at your expense, and you're all set to pound on them, but as long as it's my ass on the line, you laugh your head off."

Ryou smirked lecherously. "And what a very fine ass it is," he purred, one hand palming one denim-covered curve of flesh. This action caused an unforeseen reaction, one never before witnessed by the young teen – Bakura blushed. Red.

**Very** red.

Several minutes ticked by as Ryou fought to control his mirth. Finally Bakura sputtered, "Ano…er…arigato?"

Ryou couldn't help it – he snickered.

Bakura's glare was rendered cute by the fact that not only was he **still** slightly flushed, but he was also doing his best 'I'd like to just melt right through the floor' impression.

"Saa, c'mon, 'Kura, how 'bout I help you get revenge, ne?" Ryou offered, knowing that anything more said on this topic was likely to make Bakura's face try and burn itself off again.

Bakura nodded hesitantly, cheeks still painted a mortified pink. "Sounds good," he admitted guardedly.

Ryou grinned widely. "And once we're done, I can show you how…**fine**…I think your ass is." He turned towards the bedroom, laughing at the look on Bakura's face.

Once again, the yami blushed. This time, however, he also got mad – and chased after his hikari. "Come back here, you!" he shouted.

Ryou shrieked with laughter and sped off down the hall. Somehow, he got the feeling **his** ass was the one on the line this time.


	83. Copying The Cat

**Copying The Cat**

* * *

_Today's slogan – and recipient – is brought to you by pyropixiepenguin, her review of Chapter 48._

* * *

'Curiosity killed the cat but for a while I was the suspect.'

"But Shadow is still alive," Marik said, referring to 'their' sister Isis' pet feline.

Holding back a chuckle, Malik said, "It's a saying, Marik. It means that curiosity can get you killed."

"It can?" Marik asked guilelessly, mindlessly wadding up the T-shirt in his hands and stuffing it back in the bag it came in.

"Yes," Malik replied.

"How?"

Heaving a sigh, Malik said, "Well, remember when you wanted to know what it was like to be a piece of clothing in the dryer, so you decided to hitch a ride with a load of towels during the 'Fluff' cycle?"

Marik nodded vigorously. "Yeah, that was fun!" His mouth turned down in a frowning pout. "Until it got too hot."

Malik coughed. "Yes, well, **that** would be curiosity getting you slightly burnt. Understand now?"

Marik thought about it for a minute, then nodded. "Nope," he pronounced with the same enthusiasm as his headshake, a wide grin on his face.

Malik sighed. _Here we go again…_


	84. High And Mighty Pharaohs And The Hikaris...

**High And Mighty Pharaohs And The Hikaris Who Humor Them**

* * *

'You ever heard of the gravestone engraving that goes, 'He was a simple man who died of complications'?'

'Well, what's more complicated than a puzzle that can only be assembled and solved by the reincarnated light half of your soul?'

"Not that being Pharaoh was really a 'simple' job," Yami groused at the hand-lettered bumper sticker in his hands.

"So you're saying you were a complicated man who died of his own innate arrogance?" Yugi asked archly.

Slanting his hikari a rather miffed look, Yami said, "You said it, not me."

"How clever," Yugi retorted drolly. _Not,_ he added silently.

"And I also say that it is high time I got to work paying back the rest of our group for these insults," Yami stated firmly.

_This should be good,_ Yugi thought mirthfully. Out loud he only said, "Hopefully you'll come up with better insults than everybody else has."

A sly gleam entering his eyes, Yami said, "Oh, I've got the perfect one for Kaiba…"

Yugi smirked at the sight of his lover in mid-machination. "Do tell…" he purred.


	85. Win, Lose, Or Revenge

**Win, Lose, Or Revenge**

* * *

_Today's slogan, recipient and sender are courtesy of Hales731, her review of Chapter 62._

* * *

'If at first you don't succeed, maybe winning isn't for you.'

It started with a tick. The tick speeded up and grew to a full-blown twitch. The twitch snowballed and became a deadly glare. The glare mushroomed and became a look of complete, utter, murderous rage.

Seto Kaiba was **not** happy.

The cause of his unhappiness? One seemingly innocent bumper sticker that had arrived in his daily mail five minutes previously.

"Eh-heh," Joey chuckled weakly. "Seems Yami's really getting' inta dis game, ne, Seto?"

"**Too **into this game," Mokuba muttered, watching as his normally unflappable – except when it came to his own safety, his company's gross income, or Duel Monsters, in that order – brother boiled over with barely-suppressed rage.

"I don't care if he's already technically dead, I'm going to resurrect his corpse, kill him again, and damn his soul to be eaten by Amut," Seto gritted out.

Mokuba winced. "Don't you think that's a little harsh, ani-sama?" he asked weakly.

Seto actually appeared to seriously contemplate that. "Mmm… You know, Mokuba, you might be right."

Joey blinked. "Nani?" Since when did Seto Kaiba suggest something and then decide it was overkill?

Seto smirked grimly. "It's too little – needs to be harsher. Maybe I can resurrect him more than once, what do you think?"

Mokuba gulped.

Joey just sighed and rolled his eyes. "Let's not get carried away here, ryuu, whaddya say?"

Seto just blinked at him complacently, like a cat watching a mouse he knew he could catch with a minimum of effort and was debating whether to not it was worth it. Then he pouted. "Why not?" he asked childishly.

If Joey had been an anime character, he was sure a giant drop of seat would have formed on his brow. As it was, his eyes did their best to pop out of his head at the completely oddball expression that had come over his boyfriend's face.

Seto Kaiba did **not** pout. Glare, smirk, frown, and rarely smile – mostly when he'd either done something stupid or extremely sexy (sometimes both at once) – but Joey had **never** seen the CEO pout.

It was kind of cute, actually. In a 'The world is going to end now that such a completely impossible thing (more impossible than Hell freezing over and Heaven being set on fire, Santa's elves being replaced by leprechauns, all the members of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade turning into mice and running rampant in the streets only to have to be gathered up by the Pied Piper of Hamlin…) has happened.'

Well, you get the idea.

"Ano…because den you'll never get a chance to beat Yami at his own game?" Joey stuttered.

Seto frowned and grumbled under his breath. "You have a point," he admitted grudgingly.

"Of course I do," Joey said self-righteous, one hand coming to his chest in a show-off gesture. He paused, laughed lowly and rubbed the back of his neck in a sheepish gesture. "Er…what is it, exactly?"

Rolling his eyes upward to beseech the ceiling in a, 'Why did you stick me – me, Seto Kaiba, one of the smartest men in the world – with such a baka?' look, Seto was saved from answering by his younger brother.

"It's time for Seto to prank Yami," Mokuba said, his tone adding the silent, 'Duh!' that his face made plain.

It was Joey's turn to grumble. "Yare, yare…"

"Exactly," Seto agreed. "Winning is **definitely** for me, and I'll show that self-involved Pharaoh just **who** is the King of Payback," he growled.

"And da King of Conceit," Joey mumbled, smirking as he heard Mokuba's quiet affirmation.


	86. Change Is Good

**Change Is Good**

* * *

_Phrase – and recipient – courtesy of hummingbirdoncrack, her review of Chapter 60_

* * *

'Life gave me lemons…so I put them in my shirt.'

Duke sniffed. "As if I would ever use such second-rate materials in my costumes."

Giving the bright purple T-shirt in his boyfriend's hands a cursory look, Tristan glanced up at Duke's chest and frowned. "Exactly what **do** you use to make your fake breasts?"

Duke blinked his extra-long-by-way-of-mascara lashes. "Why do you ask?" he replied uncertainly, twisting the T-shirt between his black-lacquered fingers.

"Because they feel real–" Tristan demonstrated by reaching out and squeezing one, lightly, causing Duke to jump, more from the unexpected assault on his person than from actually being able to feel the pinch, "–but I know they're not."

"Silicone inserts," Duke replied shortly. "A lot of women use them to make themselves look bigger, without sacrificing the feel."

Tristan snorted. "So basically they're wearing the same stuff cosmetic surgeons use in breast enlargements surgery?" he asked incredulously.

Duke smirked. "Only externally instead of internally," he agreed. Hesitantly, he asked, "You really don't mind?"

"Mind?" Tristan asked, confused.

"My little…hobby," Duke said, twirling one strand of curled hair around his finger nervously as he gestured at his feminine attire

"Of course not," Tristan answered readily.

"Really?" Duke asked.

Smiling, Tristan said, "Yeah, well, this is where being bisexual comes in handy. And no matter what you use to change the way you look, it's still you under there."

Duke snorted, and with a quick move, pushed Tristan down to the floor. "And **over **you," he purred.

"Mm-hm," Tristan agreed, before pulling his koi in for a kiss.

Under, over…around. Anywhere's a good place for sex. And new positions are always a good thing.


	87. Sic 'Em, Mokuba!

**Sic 'Em, Mokuba!**

* * *

_Saying and recipient courtesy of Sami, her review of Chapter 68. Wording has been altered slightly to better fit the munchkin._

* * *

'Nice hair, kid. You look like a black sheep dog; do you even **have** eyes?'

Mokuba blinked and glared at the bumper sticker in his hands. "A black sheep dog?" he said incredulously.

Seto snorted. "You do seem to be unable to figure out what a brush is for, little brother," he chided gently.

Trying – and failing – to run a hand through his tangled locks, Mokuba scowled. "I have more important things to do than worry about my appearance," he stated pompously.

Seto nodded and made a noise of agreement. "So do I, but then my hair is short enough to only need to run a comb through it once or twice. Yours is longer than Yugi's." he smirked.

Mokuba growled and started ripping up the note. "Speaking of Yugi… I can't believe he sent this to me." He huffed. "I mean, he's one to talk; looks like a fucking tie-dyed porcupine with that hair of his." A manic light gleamed in his eyes. Porcupine…" he mumbled thoughtfully.

Seto inched slowly back from his little brother-turned-malevolent menace. Some things even scared him – and Mokuba out for revenge was one of the few things that fell into that category.


	88. Let Prickly Hikaris Lie

**Let Prickly Hikaris Lie**

* * *

_Saying – and recipient – courtesy of Nikuri, her review of chapter 46._

* * *

'Like the hair? It's the newest style – dyed porcupine. Plus, it makes me look at least a foot taller!'

Yugi gasped. He growled. He positively seethed.

Yami, however, was in stitches.

Yugi turned a glare on his lover would have done a basilisk proud. It had certainly turned Yami to stone; he was frozen like a desert jackrabbit in an arrow's sight.

Or maybe it was just that he was trying not to move, so as to be inconspicuous enough that Yugi would forget about him, and thus not turn his wrath towards his lover.

_No such luck, _he thought, panicked.

"You think this is **funny**?" Yugi hissed sibilantly. "They're insulting you, too."

"But you're the one who's short," Yami found himself saying before he could stop himself. He inwardly winced. _Ooh, bad move, Pharaoh._

His subconscious was always rather sarcastic.

A maniacal light lit Yugi's eyes and as he stalked towards the spirit, Yami winced. _I'm in for it now._ Deciding that retreat was the better part of valor, he disappeared into the Millennium Puzzle and barricaded his soul room. He'd stay in there until Yugi calmed down.

After all, he'd already spent five thousand years in there; what was another few millennia?


	89. Creative Wrapping

**Creative Wrapping**

* * *

'I may not be too tightly wrapped, but at least my straightjacket is.'

Marik sighed heavily. "Honestly, you'd think they could come up with a new line of insulting."

"Hmm?" Malik asked, distracted by the episode of 'COPS' playing on the television. Since it had originally been recorded in English, he had to read the subtitles in order to understand what was going on.

"It's always something about how I'm insane," Marik explicated. "In fact, except for that one about your vegetarianism, I think yours have been, too."

"Pretty much," Malik grunted, most of his attention still focused on the television. "I guess the others don't have much in the way of an imagination."

A manic glint entered Marik's eyes; a glint which tended to make people who knew him well to tremble in terror at the mere sight of it. "Then maybe we should show them how **creative** we can be…"

Malik, of course, as his hikari, was immune to the insanity. A commercial came on and, interest freed from watching common criminals get caught, he turned to his koi, a slow grin spreading across his face. "Sounds like a good idea to me. And this show has given me **lots** of inspiration…"

Marik smirked.


	90. Toys In Bishounenland

**Toys In Bishounenland**

* * *

_Saying and recipient courtesy of Sami, her review of Chapter 68._

* * *

'Your master has a stick up his ass, go fetch!'

Joey couldn't help himself. He snickered.

Seto glared. "I wouldn't have thought you'd think this was funny, Wheeler. Considering that this is yet another insult which implies you are my pet."

"But ya have ta admit it's a funny mental image, Seto," Joey said between chuckles.

Huffing, Seto folded his arms across his chest. "I don't have to admit anything of the sort," he said haughtily.

Joey snorted. "Shyeah, right," he mumbled under his breath.

Seto sent him a glare that could not only peel paint from the walls, but also blast **through** them, thus eliminating the need for paint in the first place.

It was no wonder his redecorating budget was so large.

"Besides, der's a number of ways ya could take dis," Joey said.

Interest peaked by the seductive gleam in his koibito's eyes, Seto couldn't help but ask, "What?" all the while cursing himself for a fool. He knew that look meant nothing but trouble.

Joey's grin widened into a smirk. "Well, personally I think 'stick' is a bit of a misnomer for a dildo – and I prefer da real t'ing, anyway – but we do have a few in our toybox."

Seto flushed, then snorted. "Ano… You are such a hentai."

Joey chuckled. "Takes one ta know one, ne…master?" He gave his lover a coy look from under his golden lashes, pretty much begging for something without words.

Something that Seto translated as, "I've been a bad, bad, dog…punish me, please?"

_Ohhhh, yes…_Seto growled – and pounced.

_Master, ne? I'll show **him** master._


	91. Gelled Perfection

**Gelled Perfection**

* * *

_Slogan and recipient courtesy of darkinuyasha, her review of Chapter 68._

* * *

'I only use a small amount of hair gel. You need a whole store.'

Tristan snorted. "Who is Yami kidding? That mop of his requires more hair gel than I could **ever** use."

Duke frowned. "I thought you didn't use gel?"

Shrugging, Tristan replied, "I don't. But just like no one believes that Yami and Yugi's hair manages to stay up in those spikes without help, no one believes that mine does, either."

Brow furrowing in a thoughtful frown, Duke asked, "You mean they **don't** use hair gel?" He shook his head, an expression of disbelief plastered on his face. "I find that hard to believe."

Tristan snickered. "Exactly. None of us use hair gel."

Considering his boyfriend – or rather, his boyfriend's **hair** – for a moment, Duke finally said, "Although maybe it would help if you did."

Tristan quirked a brow in silent inquiry.

"You might get that extreme cowlick of yours to stay down." Duke chuckled as he petted the soft spike with two fingers.

Tristan grimaced. "And here I thought you loved me despite my freaky hair genes." He shredded the insult-bearing note in his hands with a sense of melancholy malaise instead of malicious glee. No matter what, he couldn't escape his hair.

He was starting to think a buzz cut would be a good idea.

"I do love you," Duke agreed with alacrity. "Very much so," he added quietly, a soft blush tingeing his cheeks.

Tristan perked up. A small smile spread across his face. "You do?" he asked before he could stop himself.

Duke smiled back. "I do. In fact…" He wrapped his arms around Tristan's neck and snuggled down onto his lap. "I think you're perfect." He grinned slowly. "Perfect for me." And he sealed his declaration with a kiss.


	92. The Truth Hurts

**The Truth Hurts**

* * *

_Slogan courtesy of Hellsing-agent-Alucard, her review of Chapter 60._

* * *

'Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.'

Marik smiled slowly and nodded. "You know, this bumper sticker has a point," he mused thoughtfully.

"Like the one on your head?" Malik deadpanned.

"Hmm?" Marik turned his gaze on Malik. "What about Tristan's hair?"

Sighing in disgust, Malik said, "Never mind. What is it you were saying about this bumper sticker being right?"

"Well, there is that whole 'not lying under oath' thing in the court system, but pleading insanity will get you out of anything," Marik replied readily.

Malik blinked. "Yeeeaaah, but then you get thrown into a mental institution for the rest of your life, instead of jail."

Marik blinked back. "Oh," he said finally.

Rolling his eyes, Malik said, "So who do you think we should get next?"

Discarding the bumper sticker – and with it his thoughts on how neatly Malik had turned its insult upside down – Marik asked, "Well, who haven't we gotten in a while?"

Malik tapped his shin with one finger as he thought. "Well, a few weeks ago we got Mako, and then we got hit the next day by Mai and Téa…"

"Didn't they also get Bakura and Ryou?" Marik interrupted to ask.

Malik nodded. "And Kaiba and Wheeler, too. Kaiba then went after Bakura alone, and Ryou went after Rebecca…"

"Who?" Marik asked, confused.

"That little blonde girl that carries that stuffed bear around?" Malik offered. "She's supposedly the American Duel Monsters Champion."

Marik nodded in slowly dawning comprehension as he remembered the irritating little urchin. "Oh, yeah…"

"She didn't get anyone back, but Bakura went after the Pharaoh's twerp, who went after Noah, who went after Bakura…" Malik listed.

"Well, that decides it right there," Marik said.

Malik turned uncomprehending eyes on his yami. "Huh?"

"Bakura and Ryou have been hit a lot lately, so it's not going to be them," Marik explained.

"Yeah, okay," Malik agreed.

"So Noah went after Bakura, but who did the tomb robber get that time?" Marik prompted.

Picking up where he left off, Malik said, "Bakura got us, remember? And then we went after the Pharaoh…"

"So it's not him, either. Since we got him last time," Marik explained at his hikari's questioning look.

Malik just shrugged, unconcerned with his yami's rarely seen – and even more rarely exercised on behalf of anyone not in their family – sense of fairness. "Anyway, the Pharaoh went after Kaiba…"

"Another one to take off the list; he's been hit a lot too," Marik interjected, a grimace still on his face at the thought of not being able to take revenge on the Pharaoh this round.

He consoled himself with the thought that there was always next time.

Malik just waved him off. "…and Kaiba went after Duke, who went after Mokuba, who went after Yugi and Yami, who went after us **and** Kaiba and Wheeler. Kaiba went after Taylor, and now, apparently, horn head has gotten us again."

Thinking back over his list of 'To Hit' and 'Not To Hit – Until Next Time,' Marik smiled.

"What are you smiling about?" Malik asked acerbically, perturbed by his yami's seeming nonchalance.

Marik grinned wider. "I just realized that we get to hit **two** people."

Malik blinked and then his own lips curved up. "I do believe you're right, koi," he purred.

"Let's make sure those insults **hurt**," Marik agreed.


	93. Love And Preferences

**Love And Preferences**

* * *

_The first half of today's quote is by Henry Kissinger._

_

* * *

_

'Power is an aphrodisiac. Which explains why I'm not getting any.'

Pegasus gasped as he stared down at the beige T-shirt in his hands. He sniffed disdainfully. "As if I'd ever want anyone but my Cecelia," he said haughtily. Then his face fell and his eyes started tearing up. "Cecelia…" he moaned mournfully.

Croquet pointedly did **not** watch his boss. He'd seen it hundreds of times before: Pegasus J. Crawford crying buckets over his dead fiancé. Eternal love was all well and good, but the man had driven himself literally crazy over the late Cecelia Crawford, and Croquet was sure the woman wouldn't have wanted that.

Of course, he still couldn't work out how any woman could fall for a man with such an obsession with that damn rabbit.

His loyalty to Pegasus prompting him to check on his boss, he snuck a peak from the corner of his eye. Grimacing as he saw that Pegasus had buried his face and his hands was now weeping into that insulting T-shirt and soaking it with his tears, he decided his best course of action was a strategic retreat.

Before Pegasus decided he wanted to drown his sorrows in his wine and started singing those maudlin love songs.

Croquet felt a shiver dance up his spine as he slipped from the room. The man could **not** carry a tune. And Croquet was very thankful he'd invested in a pair of extra-strength earplugs so he wouldn't have to put up with his boss' awful attempts to serenade his lost love.

He'd much rather wear that blasted rabbit suit for Pegasus' amusement than listen to him sing.


	94. Dog Fights

**Dog Fights**

* * *

_The idea behind today's slogan belongs to lilmatchgirl007, who wrote: Now, I dunno about you, but when I think of a slogan for Mokuba, most of them have some sorta reference to 'kidnap bait'… I mean, the kid keeps getting captured so his big bro can duel someone or other. Hard life for such a cute kid._

* * *

'Ah, the trials in the life of kidnap bait.'

Seto coughed and looked away, face flushing a mortified pink.

Mokuba looked up from the bumper sticker in his hands. "I believe I can lay the blame for that solely at **your** feet, brother dear," he said sweetly, venom dripping from his every word.

Seto whipped around to stare down at his brother. "Me? It isn't my fault that so many people kidnap you to get to me."

"I never said it was your **fault**," Mokuba enunciated clearly. "I said that I was going to **blame** you."

Joey chuckled at the brothers' byplay, bringing their attention to their audience of one. "You're bein' a bit unfair dere, Mokuba," he said.

Frowning mutinously, Mokuba grumbled, "Talk about unfair. I'd just like one of those people who want to duel ani-sama to try **asking** him first before they snatch me."

"Maybe you should try fightin' dem off," Joey offered.

"But I don't know how to fight," Mokuba pointed out.

"I could teach ya," Joey offered.

"Oh, no way," Seto broke in. "I'm not about to let you beat up my little brother, Wheeler," he clarified, seeing the two confused looks directed his way.

"Hey, now, Seto, I'm only gonna show 'em some self-defense moves," Joey defended himself. "And dat's if he wants to."

"He doesn't want to," Seto said firmly.

"Yes, actually, I do," Mokuba said. Reaching out, he snagged the sleeve of Joey's jacket and started dragging him towards the door. "C'mon, Joey."

Chuckling, Joey said, "Sure, kid, but calm down a little, all right?"

Seto's eyes flashed. "Wheeler, if you hurt my brother, I swear…" he growled, letting himself trail of menacingly.

Joey grinned and interrupted his boyfriend with, "Yare, yare, I know. I'll be sleepin' on da couch."

Seto smirked grimly. "No, you'll be in the doghouse, mutt."

Joey grimaced. "Very funny," he groused.

Seto's smirk widened. "I thought so," he said in a pleased tone of voice.

Mokuba giggled.


	95. Bad Advice For Pathetic Duelists

**Bad Advice For Pathetic Duelists**

* * *

_Slogan and recipient courtesy of WeevilFanGirl, her review of Chapter 78._

* * *

'I'm so pathetic I need advice on how to lose.'

Bonz glared down at the T-shirt in his hands, then turned on his laughing soon-to-be **ex**-friend. "Yeah, **your** advice," he growled, causing Keith's laughter to halt mid-guffaw.

Frowning, Keith defended himself with, "It wasn't my fault! That kid played better 'n he had any right to, considering it was his first tournament."

Bonz seethed. "Never underestimate the opposition!" he quoted from some long-since forgotten source.

"I didn't!" Keith argued. "I just didn't realize he was so good!"

Bonz clenched his eyes shut, hands forming into fists he was doing his best to keep from pummeling Keith with. The idiot hadn't understood what he'd said; he seemed to have trouble with words of more than two syllables.

It was so hard to insult someone who didn't understand your insults. Of course, next to him, Bonz looked like a genius.

_Which probably explains why we've been 'friends' for so long,_ Bonz thought tiredly.

"Never mind," Bonz said, rubbing his eyes. "All that was in the past."

Keith grinned. "Good."

"And I don't need **your** help to get these kids back," Bonz growled. Ignoring the other man's fallen expression, he stalked out of the room. _Pathetic, ne? I'll show **them** who's pathetic…_


	96. Two's Company, Three's Insane

**Two's Company, Three's Insane**

* * *

'Abandon sanity, all ye who enter here.'

It was a doormat. A rather nice black-on-cream one, of good quality, made out of stiff plastic bristles that were perfect for wiping dirt off of one's shoes.

Or blood off the blade of one's – well, two's – Millennium Rod.

"That…is actually kinda cool," Malik couldn't keep himself from admitting.

Marik's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Hmm…"

Malik's brow furrowed at his yami's serious expression. "You don't think so?" he asked.

"Actually, I do," Marik said, one finger tapping against his chin thoughtfully. "But I really think this fits the Pharaoh better than us."

Malik's violet eyes went wide with shock – and hurt. He was justifiably proud of his Millennium Rod, and its ability to turn anyone into a mindless slave, after all. "You **do**?" he asked incredulously.

Seeing the hurt in his hikari's eyes – and knowing that he wouldn't be getting any if Malik descended into depression – Marik wrapped an arm around his lover's throat, almost choking Malik in his exuberance. "Only because he keeps harping on us for sapping people of their wills, while he cheerfully goes along driving them more insane than we are. I think it's highly hypocritical of him." He sniffed haughtily, causing Malik to giggle.

"Then maybe we should return the favor," Malik said ominously, eyeing the doormat with a gleam in his eyes.

Marik smiled. "Best idea I've heard all day." _Of course, it won't be when I suggest we have sex._

* * *

**Two Days Later**

* * *

"What is this supposed to mean?" Yami asked, staring down at the woven plastic insult in his hands. He knew they'd sent a doormat exactly like that one to Malik and Marik, but he couldn't imagine why they would send it **back**. No one yet had returned their 'gifts' no matter how much they disliked them.

One idea came to Yugi's mind, but he hesitated to voice it. Unfortunately Yami caught the look on his face that meant a light bulb had just gone off in his mind. "Do you have an idea why they sent this to us, aibou?" he asked needlessly.

"Ano…" Yugi scratched his nose and averted his eyes. "Yes," he admitted reluctantly, chuckling slightly.

Yami waited patiently for a moment, but then when no information appeared to be forthcoming, he demanded, "Well?"

Chuckling nervously, Yugi said, "Well, perhaps it is referring, however obliquely, to your Mind Crush attack." At the blank look he received from his other, Yugi said rather pointedly, "It does drive people insane, Yami."

Yami colored. "Ano…er…" He ducked his head sheepishly, unable to come up with a reply.

Yugi snickered at his yami's predicament. _The gift that keeps on giving…_ "Insane minds think alike," he pronounced.

Yami groaned.


	97. Sex As A Weapon

**Sex As A Weapon**

* * *

'Sex is like oxygen. It isn't important unless you're not getting any.'

Pegasus J. Crawford stared in mute horror at the bumper sticker lying across his dinner plate. It was the only piece of mail he had received that day and as such, received the bulk of his attention. His face went red with embarrassed rage and, snatching the steak knife from next to his plate, his proceeded to carve the bumper sticker into sticky-backed ribbons of paper.

Croquet, watching from the doorway, cringed. His employer was going to be in an **extremely** bad mood for the next week.

But at least it was better than the last time he'd been sent an insult – when he was mad, he fired people. It was only when he was sad that he sang.

Of course, when he was angry, he also made Croquet dress up like Funny Bunny to make him…happy…again.

Croquet withered where he stood. He **hated** that damn costume. It was hot, stuffy, uncomfortable…and embarrassing.

A fierce smile overtook his normally placid features. Why should he stand back and just accept this? He was going to **get** those damn kids.


	98. Liking, Loving, Lusting

**Liking, Loving, Lusting**

* * *

**Japanese**

Aishiteru – A very intense and romantic, continuing form of 'I love you.' In some instances, akin to a marriage proposal.  
Suki da yo – (Literally) I like you best.

* * *

"'I'm good enough, I'm smart enough…but damnit! I'm just too short for people to like me.'"

Yugi stared down at the T-shirt in his hands, incensed. "I…I… Argh!" he growled, ripping the T-shirt to shreds. He stood there in a rage over the tattered remains of the insult. No one sane would have dared to approach.

Which explains my Yami did.

"**I **like you, aibou," Yami assured his enraged lover. "Suki da yo." He nuzzled the other's tri-colored spiked hair. "And aishiteru."

Yugi's anger drained out of him at those whispered words. "You always know the right thing to say, Yami," he said, laughing softly.

"Well, then, how about this: let's get someone else," Yami suggested.

Yugi nodded, a sheepish smile coming over his face as he realized how he'd blown the whole situation out of proportion. "Sounds good."

Calming smile turning to a smirk, Yami said, "After we work off a little of your…frustration." He wiggles his brows comically.

Yugi returned the smirk, eyes dancing with passion. "With pleasure."


	99. The Bitch Is Back

**The Bitch Is Back**

* * *

_Slogan and recipient courtesy of Gantaeno, her review of Chapter 1._

* * *

"'I have P.M.S and E.S.P, that makes me a bitch who knows everything,'" Isis stated.

Shadi's pupiless eyes widened. This would teach him to ask Isis what the T-shirts she received said. "You're kidding?"

Green, stormy eyes turned his way. "No," Isis said, voice clipped.

Shadi shivered at the look on her face. He would not want to be the person Isis took her anger out on.

But he'd best make sure…

"So, who are you going to hit in return?" he asked.

Isis pondered that for a moment. "Hmm… Well, my brother and Marik got both Pegasus J. Crawford and Mokuba Kaiba."

One of Shadi's eyebrows rose up and disappeared into his turban. "Both of them?"

Isis nodded grimly. "Yes. They decided that since it had been awhile since they hit anybody, that they could hit **two** people."

Shadi blinked, then shrugged.

"Mokuba went after Bonz, and he got both Marik **and** Malik, who passed the same insult along to Pharaoh Atemu," Isis continued. She knew that the Pharaoh was going by 'Yami' now, but she'd spent half of her former lifetime calling him Atemu, and old, old, **old** habits died hard.

"They passed along the same insult?" Shadi asked incredulously. Marik and Malik were rather lazy, but they tended to pick out their own insults. Then he paused to think. "Does this have anything to do with that new doormat you have at your apartment?"

Isis' lips quirked up of their own accord. "Yes, it does."

"Ah," Shadi said knowingly. "But who did the Pharaoh get?" he asked curiously.

"Pegasus again," Isis replied. "And his servant, Croquet, went after Master Yugi."

Shadi's brow furrowed. "Croquet? I didn't know he was in the game."

Isis shrugged. "This was the first insult he sent." She smirked. "It was a rather funny one." Snickering, she added, "They **all** were."

Curiosity aroused, Shadi smiled invitingly. "Why don't you tell me all about them…" he said.

Eyes bright with laughter instead of rage, Isis said, "Oh, I plan to, beloved, I plan to…"


	100. Never Piss Off An Intelligent Dragon

**Never Piss Off An Intelligent, Rich Dragon**

* * *

'Way too smart to be modest.'

Seeing that his lover was just staring silently at the T-shirt in his hands, Joey took the dragon by the tail – and his life in his hands – and asked, "Aren't ya gonna get mad, Seto?"

Heaving a sigh of frustration, Seto dropped the T-shirt onto his desk and said, "I can't, really."

Joey raised a disbelieving brow.

Frowning, Seto elaborated, "If I say that I can be modest, then that shirt is implying I'm not smart."

Mokuba snickered, drawing their attention to the open door, where the younger Kaiba was peeking around the edge. "This isn't funny, little brother," Seto grumbled, folding his arms across his chest with all the dignity of an offended dragon.

Which he was.

"Yes, it is," Mokuba argued, grinning widely. "With all your money, you don't **need** to be modest. Your smarts are enough."

Mulling that over for a moment, Seto finally said, "You know…you're right." He smiled a slow, evil smile and shot up from his chair, T-shirt clenched tightly in his fist. Staring down at the misbegotten bit of clothing, he said, "And I know just what I'm going to use my intelligence for," then strode out of the room, bypassing Mokuba without a second glance.

Mokuba and Joey exchanged looks. "Uh-oh," they said simultaneously.

Seto Kaiba was on the warpath.


	101. Crime Gets You Laid

**Crime Gets You Laid**

* * *

_Slogan courtesy of High on Sugar, her review of Chapter 70._

* * *

'Stupidity is not a crime, so you're free to go!'

"We've never been convicted of a crime, so why do people keep sending us insults about it?" Malik wondered, gazing down at the silver-on-navy blue bumper sticker in his hands.

Marik snickered. "Hikari, the only reason we haven't been convicted is because we haven't been **caught**," he emphasized. "We've committed tons of crimes – are you forgetting Battle City?"

Malik's mouth twisted up in an expression that was half-frown, half-smirk. "No, I'm not forgetting how practically all the crimes committed then were when **you** were in control of **my** body."

Marik's smirked. "The police wouldn't believe you if you told them about your 'yami.' Especially since now we have separate bodies. You'd have to cop an insanity defense, because they'd think **you** were the one who committed all those crimes."

Expression losing its smirk half to turn into a full-blown grimace, Malik said, voice dispassionate, "I hate you, Marik."

Marik smiled such that it wouldn't have been out of place for a few canary feathers to be seen sticking out of his mouth. "I know, koi," he said smugly. "And I love you, too." With that, he plucked the bumper sticker out of Malik's hands and threw it towards the nearby trashcan. He never noticed that it landed a foot shy of its target – the dark spirit was too busy seducing his lover.

Recognizing the look in his yami's eyes, Malik gulped. That look had been known to mean anything from, 'I've committed some dastardly deed and want to tell you all about it,' to, 'I'm about to commit some dastardly deed and want you to help me – and no is not an acceptable answer,' or even, 'You're gorgeous, you're mine, and I'm going to fuck you raw.'

Sometimes all three.

"What do you want, Marik?" Malik asked guardedly, hoping against hope that all Marik wanted was his help in continuing the insult chain.

Light danced in Marik's eyes, the optical equivalent of a hentai smirk. "You," he said, voice husky with unspent passion about to be spent. He pounced, and proceeded to commit another 'crime.'

Sodomy – AKA the practice of homosexuality – was still illegal in certain parts of the world, if not in Japan proper.

Malik was a very willing and enthusiastic 'accessory.'


	102. The Last Thing To Forget

**The Last Thing To Forget**

* * *

_Saying and recipient courtesy of NeoChaosCrystal, her review of Chapter 86._

* * *

"'I have determined that it is my sole purpose in life to set a bad example,'" Bakura declared.

Ryou snorted. "Oh, that explains **so** much, 'Kura," he teased.

Huffing a laugh of his own, Bakura said, "Malik and Marik are being very hypocritical, I think. After all, they're worse than I ever **thought** about being."

"Are you sure you didn't even**think** about being worse?" Ryou asked, arching one platinum brow. His lover had certainly been getting into this game, too much so for his peace of mind. Ryou had actually been hoping that everybody would have gotten tired of playing by now.

Silly him.

"Well, maybe I did," Bakura allowed. His blood red eyes twinkling with hidden mischief, he drawled, "You know the memory is the first thing to go, hikari."

Rolling his eyes, Ryou smiled. Bakura had spent those five thousand years locked in the Millennium Ring; without a human body, his memory wouldn't have degraded at all. "That explains our most esteemed Pharaoh, then," he said dryly.

Snickering, Bakura said, "Oh, that's priceless! I'll have to remind him of that…" An evil glint lit his eyes. Unfortunately for Ryou's sanity – and his libido – it was the one that meant he was dreaming up all sorts of wicked pranks to play on others, not the one that meant he was dreaming up sinful things to do to his lover.

Sighing in feigned resignation, Ryou watched as his yami ran off to find an appropriate insult for the memory-deprived Morning Star in their midst. He'd been hoping for a few days downtime from this game of insult tag he and the others had going. Unfortunately, Ryou had a feeling that no matter what he tried, Bakura wouldn't forget about this game for very long.

An evil light lit his brown eyes. "Perhaps if I tried to…persuade him using more tried and true methods…" Staring at the door through which his yami had disappeared, Ryou began to plan his seduction. Bakura wouldn't be forgetting **this** anytime soon.


	103. Double The Trouble

**Double The Trouble**

* * *

_You two must share a brain. That would explain why each of you is only a half-wit._

Para and Dox stared down at the twenty-two piece handmade jigsaw puzzle that they had just spent half an hour assembling.

"This is bad," Para said, voice tight with annoyance.

"I am very mad," Dox agreed angrily. He struck out viciously at the puzzle, sweeping it off the edge of the table and into the nearby wastebasket.

"What are we going to do?" Para asked, turning to his brother – after giving the now once-again-disassembled puzzle a scathing glance.

Dox's face scrunched up in thought. "I am uncertain; you?" he offered finally.

"We should get someone back," Para said decisively.

"But who? We do not know who sent this piece of crap," Dox pointed out.

Nodding thoughtfully, Para mused, "True; I do not know who would this send."

Dox shrugged. "Let's just get another idiot, then."

After thinking for a moment, Para suggested. "A blonde, perhaps?" He grinned lasciviously. "With a large rack."

Dox frowned, then brightened and snapped his fingers. "Do you mean Mai?"

"Mai Valentine," Para confirmed.

A slow grin spread across Dox's face. "She is lovely," he conceded.

"Busty," Para added with a smirk, pantomiming a large 'chest.'

The twin brothers' twin leers turned into simultaneous frowns. "And gay," they chorused.

"Actually," Para added after a moment, remembering the blond 'puppy' she'd once been so enamored of (before Seto Kaiba had gotten his claws into him), "I think she's bi."

"But she's dating that Téa girl, not a guy," Dox pointed out.

Para sighed, face scrunched up into a frown as he nodded. "So…we get her and then sit back…"

"…relax," Dox continued, adding in his own rhyme.

"And watch the fireworks," they said simultaneously, grins stretching from ear to ear.

"If you can't date them…" Dox started.

"…prank them!" Para finished triumphantly.


	104. Body By Mattel, Brain By MENSA

**Body By Mattel, Brain By MENSA**

* * *

_Saying, sender, and recipient courtesy of LonelyTombRobber, her review of Chapter 55._

* * *

'I'm a Barbie Girl! In a Barbie World! I'm so fantastic! My boobs are plastic!' blared out in loud glittery purple lettering from the bright pink T-shirt in Mai's hands. It was a size extra small, so as to showcase the wearer's assets most effectively.

Téa's Siamese kitten, Zsa-Zsa, gave the offending shirt a quick, investigatory sniff, and promptly sneezed when glitter went up her nose. She gave a plaintive mew and jumped up into her mistress' lap to be cuddled.

"I may wear makeup – and never too much, despite what Joey says – but my body is one hundred percent real," Mai said huffily, dropping the shirt on the floor in digust.

"And I can attest to that," Téa added with a comical leer. She still couldn't keep herself from blushing as she spoke the innuendo, though, which Mai thought was sweet. "Seeing as how I have thoroughly investigated your body."

"So very true…" Mai agreed on a purr. Téa blushed brighter, and Mai performed a deft changed of subject, causing Téa's face to lighten. "And I would love to revisit those investigations, but right now we need to investigate this prankster – or at least pick someone to hit." She had a sneaking suspicion who it was, however…

"The insult rhymed – it was probably Para and Dox," Téa pointed out, scratching under Zsa-Zsa's chin.

Mai secretly smirked; she'd been right. "Ah. Dumb and Dumber. Their writing style is a dead giveaway." She sighed mock-mournfully. "It's almost too easy to pick on the Idiot Twins, though. If only they were smarter they'd prove a greater challenge."

"Maybe we should give away an insult to someone else," Téa offered. "Someone who isn't as stupid, to make things more fun."

A thought occurred to Mai, and she smirked. "And I know just who to get…" she said, a mischievous gleam in her eyes.


	105. Cyber Siblings And Real Life Romances

**Cyber Siblings And Their Real Life Romances**

* * *

"Did ya hear dat your stepbrother is dating Rebecca Hawkins?" Joey asked as if idly.

Seto froze in the midst of calculating that month's budget for KaibaCorp's R&D Department. He blinked twice, rapidly, and very deliberately placed his pen on the tabletop, before swiveling in his desk chair to face his lover.

"That blonde brat from America?" Seto asked incredulously.

"Mm-hm." Joey nodded amusedly. "Apparently Noah started an online chat group fer techno geeks who have a hard time relatin' ta reality. Rebecca joined up, and they got real friendly." He waggled his eyebrows for emphasis.

Seto's gobsmacked expression was far from the face of calm composure the young businessman habitually wore in tense boardroom situations. "N-Nani?" he spluttered. "Noah isn't even corporeal!"

Eyebrows now doing a follicular rendition of the cha-cha, Joey smirked as he replied, "Ain't ya ever heard of cyber-sex, Seto?"

Seto blanched, his face draining of all color, and keeled over his desktop in a dead faint.

Joey's eyebrows paused mid-Macarena and he blinked. "And I didn't even get ta tell him about da new virtual reality module da brat is buildin'!"


	106. The Long And The Short Of It

**The Long And The Short Of It**

* * *

'I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, but doggone it – I'm too short for people to notice me, let alone like me.'

"I like you, aibou," Yami assured his seething koi.

"Right now I **don't** like Seto," Yugi growled, crumpling the bumper sticker in his hands. "As if he's one to talk – he and Mokuba are like the Jolly Green Giant and Sprout, their heights are so disparate. Kaiba's freakishly tall – taller than ninety-nine percent of the people in Japan."

"Excluding Tristan," Yami mumbled, not bothering to say that he was pretty sure Mai had sent them this insult. Having Joey hanging around the Kame Game Shop the past week had frustrated Yugi to no end, and he was unhappy with the entire Kaiba-Wheeler household as a consequence.

"What was that?" Yugi asked, a steely glint in his purple eyes at the thought that his lover would dare to contradict him.

"I said that it isn't the height that makes the man," Yami quickly covered. _We finally got rid of the mutt – I'm not sleeping on the couch now!_

Yugi looked intrigued despite himself. "Oh?"

Smirking sexily, Yami traced one hand down his lover's front, stopping at the waistband of his leather pants. "It's the length," he emphasized, palming the growing bulge beneath his hand.

Yugi smiled slowly. "And once I'm through with you there will be no doubt that you notice me," he purred – and pounced.


	107. Lacking And Lusting

**Lacking And Lusting**

* * *

_Yes, I have tits. And?_

Duke snickered down at the T-shirt in his hands. "I actually kind of like this one." When he was done up as a girl, he made sure that he never lacked the appropriate…curves…to complete his disguise.

Tristan leaned over his lover's shoulder to read the message, and smiled. "Me, too. Yugi must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel."

Frowning slightly, Duke asked, "Yugi sent me this?" He brandished the hot pink-on-black T-shirt in question.

Tristan nodded, plopping down next to Duke on the couch. "As far as I can figure. Isis got Kaiba, Kaiba got Marik and Malik, who got Bakura–" he ticked off on his fingers.

"–who got Para and Dox," Duke cut in, nodding slowly as he folded the shirt and laid it on an end table. "I remember Ryou complaining about that."

"Oh?" Tristan raised an eyebrow in query.

Duke nodded, smirking mirthfully. "Yeah, Bakura wouldn't rest until he figured out a phrase that would insult their dual nature, and Ryou was complaining about the lack of sex."

Tristan choked. "You're kidding! Innocent little Ryou?"

"He didn't remain innocent for long once Bakura got his hands – and other body parts – on – and in – him," Duke replied archly.

Unable or unwilling to think of one of his best friends – and one of his most-feared former-enemies – in flagrante delicto, Tristan said, "Moving on… I'm guessing that it was Para and Dox who hit Mai, then?"

Duke winced. "Oh, ouch. I suppose that explains why she was so vicious to Yugi."

"He was rather nice to us, however," Tristan pointed out.

"So we should definitely do something nice for him," Duke replied, an evil grin spreading slowly across his face.

"And what do you have in mind, koi?" Tristan asked, intrigued.

"Well, Ryou wasn't the only one frustrated about a lack of lust in his life this past week. But for an entirely different reason," Duke revealed.

"And what might that be?" Tristan asked, folding his arms and leaning back against the wall. He hadn't thought Yugi ever got frustrated about…anything. Then again, he was probably as wrong about Yugi as he was about Ryou.

"Apparently Seto went a little…weird when he found out about Noah and Rebecca Hawkins–" here Duke and Tristan engaged in simultaneous shudders, "–and in order to avoid his lover, Joey kept hanging out at the Kame Game Shop."

"And subsequently bugging Yugi and keeping him and Yami from having sex in kinky places while his grandfather was out of town," Tristan guessed.

"Exactly!" Duke agreed.

"So…we hit Joey, then?" Tristan asked reluctantly. He felt vaguely uneasy about targeting Joey. The guy could be an idiot, but he was his best friend. Yugi was a good friend, too, however…

Seeing that his lover was torn between his loyalties to his two friends, Duke softened. "I'll get Joey. You pick someone else," he offered. "Deal?"

Tristan smiled, glad that his lover knew him so well. "Deal," he said thankfully.


	108. Commonalities

**Commonalities**

* * *

_Saying and recipient courtesy of Yume no Kareta, her review of Chapter 70._

* * *

"'Common sense isn't so common,'" Joey read off the bumper sticker in his hands. He glared at the paper in his hands

Seto burst out laughing.

Turning his Dragon Death Glare™ – that he'd stolen from his boyfriend to begin with, so it should have been no surprise when his target wasn't phased – from the bumper sticker onto Seto, Joey growled, "What's so funny…koi?" making it blatantly obvious that he would **not** be the one sleeping on the couch if Seto didn't come up with a good answer.

Seto's levity finally trailed off and he cleared his throat before answering. "You have the most **un**common reasoning of anyone I know. Or did you forget your response to the last insult you received?" He gave the other boy a pointed look.

Joey refused to flush. He wasn't ashamed of being the most highly sexed boy at Domino High.

Mostly because Yugi and Ryou had vied for and tied for that title long ago.

In any event, he refused to back down. He did, however, cough and turn his head discreetly to the side, which only caused Seto to chuckle more.

Joey whipped around and scowled at his lover. "Ya know, ya shouldn't be da one ta talk, Mr. Moneybags."

Seto raised one chestnut brow. "Oh?" he inquired, amusement made plain in his gaze.

Joey grinned slowly. "Yeah. After all, our sex life is one t'ing you and I got in common," he pronounced triumphantly.

Seto did not so much as twitch – for all of five seconds. Then, he hung his head in defeat, silently conceding the argument to his koi.


	109. There Was A Yami Who Shot A Fly

**There Was A Yami Who Shot A Fly**

* * *

_Use the right weapon to fight the right battle; you don't need a Millennium item to swat a fly._

"But even the Pharaoh would agree it's more fun, ne, Marik?" Malik joked, carefully slicing the bumper sticker to sticky-backed ribbons with his all-purpose Swiss Army knife.

"Indeed, hikari," Marik replied with a malicious smirk. "But personally, I prefer just shooting the fly out from between its wings."

Platinum brows knitting together in a frown, Malik asked, "What kind of weapon do you use for that? I'd think most bullets would be too big."

Marik coughed and averted his gaze, cheeks pinkening ever-so-slightly. "A rubber band," he mumbled.

Malik's eyes went almost comically wide. "You're kidding," he said, voice flatter than his sister's chest.

Shaking his head slightly, Marik blushed harder. "No."

Deciding to just completely forget about his yami's unusual choice in weaponry, Malik performed a swift, if not deft, change of subject. "So, who do you think we should get?"

Marik blinked for a moment, then, relaxing slightly, said, "Well, I think it should be someone who hasn't been hit in a while. The element of surprise, after all."

Malik tapped his now-closed knife against his chin in thought. "But who hasn't gotten hit recently?"

"Well, our sister went after Kaiba," Marik offered.

"And Kaiba got us," Malik remembered, scowling sourly.

"But we got the tomb robber," Marik consoled his lover. "And he and his hikari got those twin idiots."

Malik smiled gleefully, somehow managing to look more horrifying than Isis before she put on her make-up. "And the dumbnamic duo got the Barbie and her bitch," Malik continued, as ever scornful of the friendship girl, and the woman who'd once called him 'glamourless.' And gold jewelry **never** went out of style, thank you, Miss Thang!

"And they went after the Pharaoh's pet," Marik said.

Frowning thoughtfully, Malik said, "I thought that was Kaiba?"

Marik shook his head. "No, the brat **thought** it was, but it was Mai and Téa. Yugi went after girlyboy, and because the insult wasn't that bad, **she** and Tristan decided to get Wheeler for them."

Malik's face scrunched up in a frown. "Why would Yugi be mad at his best friend?"

"The lack of sex," Marik stated baldly.

Malik's eyes went wide. "N-nani! Since when are Yugi and Joey having sex?" he sputtered.

Making a noise of disgust, Marik said, "Not Yugi and Joey. Yugi and the Pharaoh. Wheeler was avoiding **his** lover this past week and kept bugging Yugi. Keeping him and Yami from getting frisky."

Comprehension dawning, Malik said, "Oooooh." Then he frowned. "But wait, why would Joey avoid Kaiba?"

Marik raised one platinum brow. "You remember hearing about Kaiba's sort of stepbrother and that blonde bratlet with the freaky attachment to her stuffed bear?"

Looking as if he'd just sucked on a tree full of lemons, Malik could only nod.

"That would put even the High Priest off sex for a while, I guess." Marik shrugged. **Nothing** put him off sex – except Isis in a bad mood, and even then it was only because she tended to pester him and his light until they fixed whatever it was. And Malik was strangely prudish about getting naked in front of his sister.

"Nearly everybody in our little inner circle has been hit lately," Malik said, depressed.

Mairk nodded. "Even the ones outside the circle, like the twin twits."

Platinum brows knitting together in thought, Malik mused, "Outside the circle…" His violent eyes lit up with violence, and he grinned widely, showing more teeth than the average shark. "Let's go after the 'fly' in our circle of idiots," he said. "Bugboy is going down."

It took a moment for Marik to catch on, but when he did, his face lit up like a Christmas tree – one decorated with sharp and pointy things. "I'll get my rubber bands!"


	110. Small But Deadly Outwit Bigger Is Better

**Small But Deadly Outwits Bigger Is Better**

* * *

_Slogan and recipient courtesy of Rikki K, her review of Chapter 105._

* * *

'Hung like a horsefly.'

Rex took one look at the insulting T-shirt his lover had received and promptly burst into loud, raucous laughter.

Weevil was steaming so hot it was a surprise he hadn't spontaneously combusted. "You think that's **funny**, Raptor!" he sputtered.

It took almost five minutes for Rex to calm down enough to answer, but he finally choked out, "Well, yes. Because you so very much **aren't** hung like a horsefly, but none of those idiots will ever know." Leering at Weevil's crotch, he finished, "Because you're mine, and I don't share."

Weevil had grown progressively angrier the longer Rex's laughter went on, but his lover's pointed comments caused him to cool down quickly once he realized the humor in the situation. Chuckling softly, he said, "You're right, koi." Sobering, he added, "but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to get those bakas back."

Rex smirked. "I'm with you on that one, babe," he replied. "We'll show them that size **does** matter – especially when it comes to brains."

Returning Rex's smirk with interest, Weevil said eagerly, ripping the T-shirt in two, "Let the pranking begin!"


End file.
